[Bart Fargo's car skids off the road, over a cliff, and into the sea; however, the effect is clearly achieved by someone simply rolling a toy car off a rock into the water.]
Hot Wheels!
CCrow
Some little boy is going to be very upset.
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
[A baccarat game is in progress.]
CCroupier
Mesdames et Messieurs, banque $10,000.
CACrow [as Player]
It'd better be a damn good bonk.
[William looks at a Franklin half-dollar he's holding.]
WWilliam
Fifty cents. Half a dollar.
In those days, that'd buy you a car.
WWilliam
Benjamin Franklin, eh?
CACrow [as William]
Bite me, Franklin!
WWilliam
He was supposed to be a pretty smart fellow when it came to money. I suppose he could've told me how to keep out of the red.
CACrow [as William]
He was the best President we ever had. [N]
. . .
[Ben Franklin's silhouette appears in the mirror.]
Alfred Hitchcock! [N]
BFBen Franklin
You receive two dollars every week as an allowance from your father…
MAMike [as Franklin]
…James Joyce.
BFBen Franklin
…something quite unheard of in my day.
CCrow
Fathers?
Year-round sun makes this island a vacation paradise.
CCrow
And very hard to sleep!
Building into the clear-blue sky, the island is on the move.
Hawaii?
CCrow
No, an island!
[The short's title is first mentioned by the narrator over the main theme.]
CCrow
Oh. When did they change the name?
A Quinn Martin production.
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[as the music ends] PUERTO RICO!
A land the size of Rhode Island, it is just as American in its way of life.
CACrow [as Narrator]
So you might as well just stay where you are.
[Students are shown at college.]
Latka Gravas goes to class.
CACrow [as Latka]
Thank you veddy much.
For the visitor, Progress Island offers a tremendous variety of experiences, beginning with the rich and colorful heritage of the Caribbean.
CACrow [as Narrator]
...which we buried in order to build skyscrapers.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Look, just come here!
[Another piece of background music ends.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
PROGRESS!
[As we watch traditional Puerto Rican folk dancing...]
CCrow
Valerie Harper look-a-like contests are held.
Yes, no matter what the culture, folk dancing is stupid.
Here, Up With People get down.
[A piece of background music ends over a shot of a roulette game in progress.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
GAMBLING!
[After a normal piece of music is heard, a better piece of background music begins to play.]
CCrow
Hit me!
A band concert under warm, tropical skies.
CCrow
The music of John Phillips Salsa.
It has formed a continuing pattern of progress that started more of a quarter of a century ago.
[The background music ends, and we fade to another scene.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
A CENTURY AGO!
More Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters
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NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.