Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Wait for me, sister.

If you hear any shooting, just pull around the corner and get ready to gun it!

I'll never understand what my son saw in you.

Oh, no? [turns to face him]

Do these explain anything?

Any.. studs around here?

Any what?

Daddy-O's. He-males. Stags!

Only the gardeners.

And Father Fabio!

Operator, I've dialed ORchard 4-2122 ten times! I can't get anyone to answer!

Well, you want me to go to the house and answer the phone?!

[screams, then pauses] Hey, look, a moral! [resumes screaming]

Uh... call me?

Chip! Hey, Chip! Where are ya, Chip?

Down here! I got a crick in my neck!

Chip, come on! Say something, Chip!

"Wuh-aughhh!"

Howdy! I think the date's going pretty well!

Yes, it's teenage angst with Les Brown and his Band of Renown!

You make sun go away. You are powerful.

Servo

Fight choreography by Jimmy Ben Lasen.

Mike

And down goes Blaze!

Mike

This is why there's no alcohol at Euro Disney.

Nobody called us about the party. Over.

Maybe it's time you level with me.

You know how we're both hot?

Well, you remember the night you stood Chip up?

He died.

Well, he was real sore when he didn't find you...

And then he died.

... and he asked me to go in his place.

And then I killed him and he died.

He always kept saying I was too young to go anyplace, so I went.

And I killed him and he got all dead!

Oh, great.

It was fun at first when he only kissed me...

He wasn't dead then.

But then he...

...died.

... he started...

... being killed by me...

... getting too fresh and I ran away. Chip caught me and tried to throw me down on the ground...

Right before he got dead.

And then...

He died.

Rocks slipped out from under his feet...

And then he became killed.

He fell...

And he died.

So that's how they found my lipstick in his car! But where'd his friend come in?

He's not dead!

He saw it happen.

He died.

He thought it was you at first...

And then he died.

...until he saw me again.

And I killed him.

And all the time, you've been letting me sit here in jailsville!

[sobbing] I'm sorry, Silver, I tried to tell you the first time I came here!

[exaggerated sobbing] I TRIED TO TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME I CAME HERE!!!

It's all over the dam...

I just can't believe you went out with Chip!

What are you laughing at?

Oh, something in Dilbert. Never mind.

It's not over the dam, it's over the cliff! Funny, huh?

Ah, well forget it.

I'm scared... Fred's trying to send me to Tijuana.

And trade me for a chicken.

Tijuana?!

Maybe I can push Herb Alpert over a cliff...

You, the ice cream manufacturer.

Up against the wall! Spread 'em!

You...

Mike

Me?

...the frozen food distributor.

Servo

Ben and Jerry before Woodstock.

And you, the food retailer.

These three people will square off against--

Yes, today's problem is merchandising...

Mike

Over three kinds of vanilla!

...to sell in high volume, for high profit.

For high people.

Frozen products are impulse items...

Servo

I'll take it, I'll take it!

And impulse buying is primarily...

Mike

Women's fault.

...an emotional decision.

The market crashed!

Yes, this is the answer: a real selling wizard.

Servo

Are we in heaven?

[as the lights finish] Rip-off!

And what's the first feature that makes a selling wizard?

Servo

Bosoms!

Sales appeal styling.

Or "S. A. S."

And notice how these convient horizontal wire shelves put your product always within buying range.

Servo

GIVE IT TO ME! GIMME!

They may be removed entirely for loading to full-cabient capacity.

But don't put your tongue on it!

Boy, she's got a big scab on her knee.

Gentlemen! If you please!

You filthy degenerates!

This simplified sketch showing a cross-section of the cabinet...

Mike

...makes no sense.

(Midwestern accent) Ah, better plug in the car.

Mike

(singing) And it comes out here...

Servo

WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM?!

There really is no place to go!

Mike

Well, still. We gotta meet code.

No talking in line!