[Buffalo Bill jumps up and down, whooping and cheering excitedly.]
CACrow [as Buffalo Bill]
Dukes of Hazzard got renewed!
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
Lines by Crow T. Robot 421
[Crow records a video-testimony for Mike's trial]
CCrow
This thing on? Okay. Hi! I'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike Nelson is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200 % [bleep]ing not guilty. And if you [bleep]s don't [bleep] find him innocent, then you can just [bleep]ing kiss my fat [bleep]ing [bleep]. And that [bleep]ing goes for your bull[bleep] court system, too! Mike, I'm so [bleep]ing sorry I couldn't [bleep]ing be there for this [bleep]ing [bleep]y really bogus trial, man. But let me [bleep] tell ya something, Nelson. If I was there, I'd [bleep]ing kick everyone's fat stupid [bleep]ing behinds and then cram it up their [bleep]ing [bleep]. Anyway, Mike, buddy, I hope this [bleep] helps. Take care, Mike.
[Camera focuses on the alien ships 'periscope'.]
CACrow [as periscope]
I am the lemon zester of destruction!
CCrow
A rare Godzilla-free day.
CCrow
[on the Prince of Space] His power apparently lies in his choosing incompetent enemies.
CCrow
Sturgis: a city on the move!
CCrow
I bet that would be good with drawn butter. Of course, I'd eat my own *head* with drawn butter.
[A man in a t-shirt and Speedo-type swimwear jumps into the frame, sickening Mike and the 'bots]
CCrow
Men should not have bikini areas!
[The guitarist of the band sings while rolling his eyes back into his head]
CCrow
MY SKULL!
[During Vorelli's act, Hugo gets up and crosses to the refreshment table, where Vorelli is eating ham.]
CACrow [as Hugo]
You think he likes ham? Wait 'til you see me like ham!
[The camera cuts to Hugo in the back seat of a car as it drives along.]
CCrow
[as Hugo] I'm driving with my mind!
[The main hero prances around in a fight with the enemy]
CCrow
They're being defeated by a wispy bachelor.
. . .
[During the "fight", a senior Neptune Man stares out of the rocket's window as his comrades ineffectually stagger about]
CACrow [as Neptune Man]
...What the hell are they doing out there?!
CCrow
To be dead... to be nothing... to watch Neptune Men no more!
[The top of the Neptunian commander's helmet is adorned with a flat plexiglas disc.]
CACrow [as commander]
Say, has anyone seen my record?
[Lea, wearing a space-age leotard, runs toward the burning shuttlecraft]
CACrow [as Lea]
My Buns of Steel videos are in there!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.