Could be a serial killer. He's killing people according to their phobias. This guy was afraid of heights, so he pushed him off the roof.
Augie wasn't afraid of heights. He was afraid of spiders.
That's different. He's killing people using the opposite of their phobias. The Opposite Killer.
So you're saying the opposite of a spider is a tall building?
What do you think the opposite of a spider?
I have no idea, but it's not a tall building.
Hmm, tell that to the Opposite Killer.
It's him. The Opposite Killer. That's his M.O.
There is no "Opposite Killer"! If there was, you would have been killed by a falling rocket scientist years ago!
We need your strength, Neven. Your guidance. You're the beacon. you're the light that will see us through our darkest hour.
R Rhonda
So, Harold, how is it up there in Neven's butt? You lonely? Getting scared of the dark?
[Natalie finds an important letter from Monk's HMO ]
All the more reason--just throw it out.
Yeah, good news from my HMO. What do you think--I won a free colonscopy?
We have to find a phone and call the police.
There's not enough time. It takes the police four minutes and 20 seconds to get here. Don't ask.
Why did the captain want to see me again?
I told you. It's a double homicide in Marin County.
You said triple homicide.
You said "triple". All right. What happened, did someone get better?
I am not giving up, Mr. Monk. You are officially on notice. I am throwing you a party.
As a matter of fact, you are not.
Oh, yes I am. We're going to have balloons and cake and dancing!
Oh, for the love of God, why?
Because, Mr. Monk, it's your birthday, and whether you like it or not, you have friends who love you and want to celebrate your life. We're happy you were born.
[They see a small sheet on a stretcher covering what remains of Bradley Foster ]
Oh my God! Where's the rest of him? [Stottlemeyer and some other cops come up from beneath the compactor ]
That's all there is [of him].
But he's all... squished!
His name was Bradley Foster; he was the maintenance man. Apparently he fell into the trash compactor.
We've sent a guy to check the parking lot for his car.
I'd look for a compact. [The other cops burst out laughing ]
UC Uniformed Cop #2
Hey did you see what he was wearing? Those aren't briefs; they're more like boxers! [More laughter ]
[The team is searching Bradley Foster's apartment ]
Excuse me, but do I have to remind both of you that two nights ago the guy who lived here got torn apart in a trash compactor?
I bet he was "surprised"!
[To Monk ] I know she's been trying to throw you a party, and, um, she's going to. Oh, she's gonna get you.
But this is a murder victim's place of residence. Do you honestly think she would do it here?
No. No, I don't. And that is precisely why I do. And because I do, I don't. So yes, I do.
[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Disher, and T.K. are recreating the murder of Richard Meckler ]
A blow dart, you know, a poison dart.
What happened to the dart? It would have been sticking in his neck.
Not necessarily. There could have been a long elastic wire attached to the blowdart. [Pause ] They're called dartarangs.
TJ Trudy "T.K." Jensen
How do you know they're called dartarangs?
Because they're probably called dartarangs. Or at least that's what they should be called.
[Whispers to T.K. ] Just nod your head and say "Maybe".
TJ Trudy "T.K." Jensen
Maybe.
Interesting, Randy. Interesting.
[Monk and Natalie are being followed by a Cadillac Escalade ]
Oh my God. Oh my God. What do I do? [The car phone rings; Stottlemeyer's name appears on the display ] It's the Captain. [They answer ]
Okay, stay calm. We just got word that someone put out a $20,000 contract on your life.
On both of us, or just him?
[Monk and Natalie are being chased at a construction site and have to hide ]
[Sees an empty trash dumpster ] The dumpster. The dumpster.
[Spots a portable toilet ] The port-a-john.
Mr. Monk, you have to choose.
[Sharona surprises Stottlemeyer ]
Excuse me, I'd like a lodge a complaint against one of your officers.
[Not looking up ] What did he do?
He hasn't written or called me in five years.
[Stottlemeyer looks up and sees Sharona standing in the doorway] .
[Stottlemeyer warns Monk about how working with both Natalie and Sharona is dangerous ]
You're gonna have a breakdown. I love Natalie. And I love Sharona, too. They're both wonderful women. You got lucky twice. But together, they're like bourbon and vodka: I love them both, but I can't have them at the same meal because they don't mix. These women are so different, Monk. They're going to tear you apart like a piece of saltwater taffy.
I know, I've been a piece of taffy all day. Natalie's been acting like Mary, Queen of Scots. She wants more money. I mean, she won't lay down in the dirt when I ask her. I'm losing her.
And it's only gonna get worse.
[Monk, Natalie and Sharona try to argue as to the best way up to Perry Walsh's ninth floor apartment. Natalie wants to take the stairs and Sharona wants to take the elevator ]
How about this? It's the ninth floor, right? [Bangs on the elevator call button ] Let's take the elevator up to four and then walk up five flights!
Or we take the elevator up to level five and walk up four flights!
You treat him like a child!
I did not say he's a child! I said you're treating him like a child!
Oh, I'm being supportive!
No, you're not being supportive! You're enabling him- [Monk, pacing back and forth, interrupts ]
Okay, here's what we're gonna do: we're going to take the elevator up to 18 and walk down nine flights. That way everybody's miserable. [Cuts to Carolyn Walsh opening the door to find Monk, Natalie and Sharona sweating and almost out of breath ]
Well, he can't go too far. He can't sleep without his Trudy pillow.
Or that special red toothbrush.
Or his little flossing kit.
Or the sound machine with that foghorn noise.
Actually, that one broke. And they discontinued the model.
I went out and bought an actual foghorn and made my own tape. [Laughs ] I'm not kidding! I have an actual foghorn sitting in my garage!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
