Why did the captain want to see me again?
I told you. It's a double homicide in Marin County.
You said triple homicide.
I don't think so.
You said "triple". All right. What happened, did someone get better?
“Happy Birthday, Mr. Monk” · Season 8
In this episode: Adrian Monk (5), Natalie Teeger (5), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (4), Lt. Disher (2)
I am not giving up, Mr. Monk. You are officially on notice. I am throwing you a party.
As a matter of fact, you are not.
Oh, yes I am. We're going to have balloons and cake and dancing!
Oh, for the love of God, why?
Because, Mr. Monk, it's your birthday, and whether you like it or not, you have friends who love you and want to celebrate your life. We're happy you were born.
You are so cruel.
[They see a small sheet on a stretcher covering what remains of Bradley Foster]
Oh my God! Where's the rest of him? [Stottlemeyer and some other cops come up from beneath the compactor]
That's all there is [of him].
But he's all... squished!
His name was Bradley Foster; he was the maintenance man. Apparently he fell into the trash compactor.
We've sent a guy to check the parking lot for his car.
I'd look for a compact. [The other cops burst out laughing]
That's not funny!
UCUniformed Cop #2
Hey did you see what he was wearing? Those aren't briefs; they're more like boxers! [More laughter]
[The team is searching Bradley Foster's apartment]
Excuse me, but do I have to remind both of you that two nights ago the guy who lived here got torn apart in a trash compactor?
I bet he was "surprised"!
[To Monk] I know she's been trying to throw you a party, and, um, she's going to. Oh, she's gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you.
But this is a murder victim's place of residence. Do you honestly think she would do it here?
No. No, I don't. And that is precisely why I do. And because I do, I don't. So yes, I do.
[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Disher, and T.K. are recreating the murder of Richard Meckler]
A blow dart, you know, a poison dart.
What happened to the dart? It would have been sticking in his neck.
Not necessarily. There could have been a long elastic wire attached to the blowdart. [Pause] They're called dartarangs.
TJTrudy "T.K." Jensen
How do you know they're called dartarangs?
Because they're probably called dartarangs. Or at least that's what they should be called.
[Whispers to T.K.] Just nod your head and say "Maybe".
TJTrudy "T.K." Jensen
Maybe.
Interesting, Randy. Interesting.
[Monk and Natalie are being followed by a Cadillac Escalade]
We're being followed.
Oh my God. Oh my God. What do I do? [The car phone rings; Stottlemeyer's name appears on the display] It's the Captain. [They answer]
Are you guys okay?
We're being followed.
Is it a black SUV?
Yes.
Nevada plates?
Yes.
Okay, stay calm. We just got word that someone put out a $20,000 contract on your life.
A contract?
On both of us, or just him?
[Monk and Natalie are being chased at a construction site and have to hide]
[Sees an empty trash dumpster] The dumpster. The dumpster.
Uh, I can't.
[Spots a portable toilet] The port-a-john.
Have we met?!
Mr. Monk, you have to choose.
I choose death!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.