[J.J. hands Monk a set of headphones]
Here you go, buddy.
I’m okay. It’s okay.
Don’t do this!
Come on.
Please be careful.
This is exciting!
[Snaps his fingers in Natalie's direction] Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe.
[J.J. records and plays Monk's voice back. Monk wipes down his headset]
Okay, folks, you've got to see this. Uh, first of all, his shirt is buttoned up to his eyeballs, and he’s swabbing out his headphones with a baby wipe.
This is not a baby wipe. This is…this is an adult wipe.
Oh, I’m corrected.
You've gotta know the difference.
One of those, oh…
Sorry about that one.
Hey, Adrian, let me ask you something. When you go to a crime scene, do you take a police car or a short yellow bus? [Max claps happily with approval]
Mr. Monk, you don’t have to answer that.
No, no, I’ll be happy to. I’ll be happy to answer that. Natalie drives me.
Oh, I bet she does. [J.J. plays a sexy woman’s sound. Natalie glares at them, mortified] She’s driving me, baby.
Who’s driving Natalie?
Natalie.
I want to change your tires.
Natalie.
I’ll volunteer for that.
[Monk puts a wipe over his microphone, causing static feedback in the jockeys' headsets]
Ow! Ow!
You’re hurting me!
Ow! Oooh!
This guy’s great. He’s possessed.
[Raises fist] Yo, Adrian!
[Pause] Yo.
[The jockeys burst out laughing, until Max signals for them to stop]
What is going on there?
Okay, we just lost a third of our audience. All righty, then! So, just for the record, you’re here because of my sister-in-law?
Loony Linda!
That’s right, Loony Linda, who thinks I murdered my wife. Isn’t that charming?
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Monk quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.





