Toki Wartooth quotes from Metalocalypse

Skwisgaar

Are you drinking straights vodkas right now?

Toki

Don't worrys about it.

Skwisgaar

Toki, it's like noons.

Toki

Oh thanks Bigs Bens, nows I knows whats times it is. I knows what I'ms doing.

Skwisgaar

Toki, drinkings ain't a contest, you know that?

Toki

Get offs my back!

Nathan

Such a shame, she's so hot, but so fucking crazy.

Toki

Yous just figures that out? All the hots ones is crazy!

Nathan

Huh. Guess you're right.

Toki

And deh ugly ones too.

Nathan

[climbing down a ladder with a drunken Toki over his shoulder] I'm only saying it because you're so drunk that you aren't gonna remember it and you won't tell on me for givin' a shit about your life, but man you've been fuckin' way too drunk lately.

Toki

Hey Nathans, is the real reasons ya tells me this is because ya cares about me?

Nathan

Oh God...

Toki

Ya caaares about me...

Nathan

No, Toki, don't do this to me right now and don't throw up.

Murderface

We are not hiring a replacement manager, it's too fucking soon kemosabe. We're taking on all management uhh... things.

Skwisgaar

I ams in charge of finance-skial treasuries.

Pickles

And I'm head of financial business affairs.

Nathan

I'm chief of financial receipts... gathering.

Murderface

I'm deputy president of financial money.

Toki

[dejectedly] And I'ms in charge of snacks... Fucking bullshit!

Toki Wartooth

[holding a black and white photo of Charles Ofdensen] I misses him Pickle...

Pickles

We all do, Toki, even though we don't say it.

Toki

Why don'ts we says it, Pickle?

Pickles

Toki...[sighs] Because admitting sadness... [holds a little locket photo of Ofdensen]....makes you gay.

Murderface

The uh- the construction has stopped.

Toki

That's because they don't gets paid, stupid!

Nathan

You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself? That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online!

Murderface

Which I've done.

Toki

Of course I'm nots paying tributes to myself. In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.

Skwisgaar

Dat's why my pants and shirts keeps disappearing! Dat's fucking weird dudes.

Toki

Well we're really good, we plays every Thursday nights.

Murderface

Wait a minute...

Nathan

Thursday night? That's impossible, you have astronaut class on Thursday night.

Murderface

Astronaut class is a lie?! I've been telling everyone that you're gonna be an astronaut! Now you're making me look like an asshole!

Nathan

Toki, you gotta let us into your band!

Skwisgaar

I agrees! I thinks it is just what we needs!

Toki

But we already gots a you. Me!

Skwisgaar

Well fines then. I'll be you! A much betters you!

Pickles

No it'll be perfect! We'll be regular jack-offs! No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group!

Toki

You all wants to join Thunderhorse?

Nathan

Yes! We do! We're gonna take a break from that fucking disgusting asshole rich life. And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band of the greatest band in the world? Dethklok!

Next. [Dethklok approaches] Oh, look at you guys, you're a baaand huh? That's REAL exciting! Making fliers huh, so you can get BIG and famous!

Nathan

[really tired] Uhhh...yeah, you know, we'd like to make some fliers.

And what's your band called?

Pickles

[really tired] Uhh we're called, uh, Thun-

[mocking] I NEVER HEARD OF THEM! SURPRISE!

Toki

[dressed as Skwisgaar] That's whys we am gettings fliers so peoples whats knows what who we are.

And you're gonna be a big Rock 'N Roll star huh? Wowwweeeee. Another baaand!

Nathan

If I wasn't so lethargic from hunger, I'd uh....kick your ass and make copies of it here...copy... [stomach growls loudly] That's my stomach...making that sound...

Nathan

You know, uh, guys? It's hard to say this but... I've had my fucking fill of getting back to our roots... And that's because it fucking sucks.

Pickles

I am so glad you said that. I mean the reason we're in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already!

Toki

I didn'ts.....

Skwisgaar

I says we gets the fuck out of here.

Pickles

But dude we still have to do that benefit. We promised those guys we'd do it!

Nathan

Thunderhorse promised, not Dethklok. Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here, getting some fucking food!

Charles

Guys, you aren't going to die, you'll be fine-

Nathan

Stop saying die, use a different word.

Murderface

Use a different phrase like-

Nathan

Something like, uh, something that's good instead of death, like-

Hamburger Time.

Nathan

Hamburger Time, perfect. Say Hamburger Time.

Toki

Hamboigers Time.

Nathan

Use Hamburger Time, alright?

Charles

Well as long as you guys are all worried about, uh... Hamburger Time, uh, maybe it would help a little bit if you guys all went to the doctor. Got a checkup.

Murderface

Look, my uncle had a big huge thing growing on his neck, and fine. Then he goes to the doctor: cancer. Bing Bang Boom! Hair out, Hamburger Time.

Nathan

I just don't want some guy with no reason to live fuck with my mouth, you know what I mean?

Toki

Why can'ts it be a ladies boobs whats cleans your teeth?

Murderface

You know, usually...

Nathan

Usually you have really bad ideas, but that-

Murderface

That's a billion-dollar idea.

Nathan

Cleaning your teeth with tits!

Charles

All right guys, uh, we just got some test results back from the lab and, uh, Pickles you're not dying.

Pickles

[drunk and high] Oohh, I'm nat dyiiing?

Charles

There's something wrong with your urine, what happened?

Pickles

Ohh! I switched my pee with Murderface!

Murderface

That's not my pee, I switched with Skwisgaar.

Skwisgaar

Well it's not me, I switched mines with Nathan's.

Nathan

Well it's not me, I switched mine with Toki.

Toki

I switched my pee with my cat's pee and he's right- [the cat is dead] OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, HE'S DEAD! OH NOOOO! That cat was the bestest friends I ever hads! [faints]

Toki

WHAT YOU MEAN WE CAN'TS DO SECRETS SANTAS?!

Nathan

Toki, how many times do we have to go over this?

Skwisgaar

We don'ts thinks it ams Metal to bes nice to each others.

Toki

AND I FUCKING DO!

Pickles

Toki, why don't you drop it? You're just driving us fucking crazy.

Toki

I ain'ts listens to yous no more! I'm going shoppings. Yes! Shoppings! To buys each and every ones of yous a gifts. And I wants to see the looks on all your fat fucking faces, when I gets you great presents! Ha ha! Fucks you! [leaves]

Nathan

I don't believe I've ever been spoken to like that before.

Toki

[enters meeting room] Whats I miss?

Murderface

TOKI! Why do you smell like piss and cocaine?

Toki

Oh that's not me.

Oh k-k-k-k-k-k-k-Hanukkah! A-k-k-k-k-hello!