A fat woman creatured her way into the shoe store today.
S10 E10Dud Bowl II
S10 E11Bearly Men
Hey, Peg, you know what I was dreaming about at work today?
Me, Al?
Yes, Peg.
Was I in bed?
Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Cindy Crawford.
Peg, I'm telling you, me and the floor boards can't take any more of her.
S10 E12Love Conquers Al
What could be bigger than your mother? In captivity, that is.
CCarlos
Where is your father, the village shoesmith?
He's with my mother, the village shopper, and my grandma, the village.
S10 E13I Can't Believe It's Butter
Hey, Griff, Where's your Christmas spirit?
My ex-wife got it in the divorce settlement.
I want you to get back on that phone and do what you do best: shatter dreams.
[A fat woman named Matilda returns.]
MMatilda
Excuse me, do you have pumps in my size?
Yes I do, but the Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Shoes would not allow me to sell them to you.
MMatilda
I hope you get coal in your stocking on Christmas morning.
And I hope you get Slim Fast in yours.
S10 E15The Hood, The Bud, And The Kelly (2)
(Al and the NO MA'AM group are up on his roof assembling a satellite dish)
(reading the assembly instructions) Let's see here. I've got Bracket S and Washer T. Hey, Dan. Hand me Screw U.
What?
I said Screw U.
(angry) Well, up yours, you-! (draws his gun on Jefferson)
(stepping between them) Focus, gentlemen! Focus, focus!
S10 E16Calendar Girl
When did you leave?
Yesterday.
No wonder the sex was good then last night.
BBabcock
How dare you take my name, little Floyd? From this moment forth I shall refer to you only as Little.
FFloyd
That's funny; that's how Mom refers to you.
S10 E17Agony and the extra C
DDoctor
Bad news, Mr. Darcy. I'm afraid we're gonna have to operate. You do have insurance, don't you?
Yes.
DDoctor
Well, then, we will be using anesthesia.
Come on, Jefferson, it's just us, some beer and some Mexican strippers. What could happen?
[After listening to Kelly]
OMO'Malley
Nurse, I need a Q-Tip and a Hammer.
So the Tattoo on my but said M-A-R-Y.
So What? M-A-R-Y. Marcy.
There's a C in Marcy.
M-A-R-Y-C? Oh yeah, the C is silent.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.