Bud Bundy quotes from Married... with Children

Bud

A fat woman came into the shoe store today.

Kelly

And Bud still looked up her dress.

Bud

Dad, we got a problem.

Kelly

We were out walking Buck when we ran into Mrs. Stewart.

Bud

She was wearing her yellow slicker and I guess Buck must've thought she was a fire hydrant.

Bud

You're talking to a guy who's had it more times then there are stars in the sky.

Dr. Kessler

There are more than four stars in the sky, Mr Bundy.

Dr. Kessler

What do you make of this?

I'm going to need a bigger mop.

Bud

[In machine on other side of glass] Honk, Honk!

A nuch bigger mop!

Bud

Sheos?

Kelly

No. Shoes, remember? E before O except after E-I-E-I-O.

Now, remember, we're gonna be giving away free limo service to this Friday's formal to the student with the most pathetic reason for wanting it. [phone rings] You're on the air.

Bud

Uh, hi. This is Bud Bundy and I'm trying to--

Bud Bundy, we have our winner.

Kelly

It's just a junior prom. I can do this with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back.

Bud

That's sort of like one of your real dates, right?

Bud

Mom, I had a horrible day, and I could really use some motherly advice right now.

Peg

Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.

Kelly

You know what I'd do if my lover lost interest in me?

Bud

Sleep with his parole officer?

Bud

I've put all the family finances right here on this computer.

Al

You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.

Peg

You know, that reminds me of our sex life.

Al

That's putting something I have into something I don't like.

Kelly

Mom, Dad, Bud: you will never guess what I got.

Bud

A better game would be guess what you haven't got. I'll take Virginity for $100.

Kelly

Well, that's funny. Nobody will take yours for less than $1000.

Jefferson

So the Tattoo on my but said M-A-R-Y.

Kelly

So What? M-A-R-Y. Marcy.

Bud

There's a C in Marcy.

Kelly

M-A-R-Y-C? Oh yeah, the C is silent.

Kelly

What do you think?

Bud

You no longer look like a North American slut, you look like a South American slut.

Kelly

That's exactly the look I was going for.

Bud

Can we please watch something else, this is a rerun.

Kelly

No it's not, I've seen this one a million times.

Bud

If I was a hot young chick, I couldn't keep my hands off myself.

Kelly

Well, I guess that makes you a hot young chick.