Peg quotes from Married... with Children

Marcy

Oh, Peggy, what are you going to do with $10,000?

Peg

Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.

Al

Hi Peg. How was Oprah?

Peg

Oprah wasn't on today.

Al

Oprah won't be on tomorrow either, Peg. Why?! Cause I had the cable company take her off, see.

Peg

The Guy Package.

Al

With Femblock! See, it's a new service they offer men and a few female tennis players who are tired of watching girly crap. See, Peg, it's my week off and I want to spend it watching quality programing.

Peg

Oh, you mean watching monster movies, jiggly shows and the Three Stooges.

Al

Soitenly!

Jefferson

Stay cool. Our lives are in your feet.

Peg

That's why life stinks.

Peg

Al, I think this thing is broken.

Al

Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.

Peg

You know, I've always wanted a place where I could stretch out and do nothing.

Al

Well, get in the car: I'll take you to the morgue.

Bud

Mom, I had a horrible day, and I could really use some motherly advice right now.

Peg

Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.

Al

It's a remote control override. Peg. They're on sale at the Real Man's Shop.

Peg

Well, while you were there, why didn't you pick up a real man?

Al

Don't push it, Peg. It also overrides all of your other handheld electronic devices.

Peg

And to think I could've had any man on the football team.

Al

Peg, you had them all.

Bud

I've put all the family finances right here on this computer.

Al

You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.

Peg

You know, that reminds me of our sex life.

Al

That's putting something I have into something I don't like.

Peg

Now, that is a real man, not some high school football hero who got married and turned to mush.

Al

Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.

Al

Hey, Peg, you know what I was dreaming about at work today?

Peg

Me, Al?

Al

Yes, Peg.

Peg

Was I in bed?

Al

Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.

Peg

Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?

Al

Cindy Crawford.

Al

When did you leave?

Peg

Yesterday.

Al

No wonder the sex was good then last night.

Kelly

Have you seen my lucky audition blouse?

Peg

What's it look like?

Kelly

See-through. Maybe that's why I can't find it.

Peg

Uh, honey, why don't you stay home and bowl me over?

Al

Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.

So you were robbed by a pirate who looks like Brad Pitt? Are you sure this is who we're looking for?

Peg

Well, he's who I'm looking for.