Peg quotes from Married... with Children

Officer Dan

Al, I thought we agreed you weren't going to carry a gun.

Al

Don't worry. I know how to handle this thing.

Peg

That's what he said on our honeymoon.

Al

See, that car has been with us in good times and bad times.

Peg

And when are we getting to the good times?

Al

When you're on life support.

Peg

You never bring me flowers.

Al

I would if you died.

Al

You know, Peg, I hate to be a needy husband, a demanding husband and your husband, but where the hell is my pie tin?

Peg

Why don't you check under the couch where I keep all the other dirty dishes?

Al

Once again Peg, way to home make. See now, I can't quite reach.

Peg

Here, wanna try my bonbon retriever?

Bud

This is so low! It says here that you're both six months pregnant by Billy Ray Cyrus!

Kelly

Really? Well, how come Mom is showing and I'm not?

Peg

I AM NOT SHOWING!... and you're grounded.

Kelly

Calm down, Mom, it's bad for the baby.

Bud

Kelly, hello? You're not really pregnant!

Kelly

Pffeew. Looks like we squeaked by that one, hey, Mom?

Peg

Hey, that's our dinner coupons you fat cow.

No. No. No. We.. we don't like to be called FAT!

Peg

Then Stay HOME!

Peg

Oh, Al! It's time for your conjugal visit.

Al

No! No! Help me!

Peg

Shut up Al! You're my bitch now!

Peg

Al, I don't like these twin beds. It's unnatural.

Al

Anything involving you in a bed is unnatural, Peg. Just put on your snore strap and go to sleep.

Peg

Al, don't make me stop shopping. You'll destroy my life.

Al

Good; then we'll be even.

Al

It was a bad day today, Peg. One minute the biggest woman in the world was in front of me. I was trying to wedge a size four on her foot with my lucky shoe horn. The next minute she was gone.

Peg

The woman died in your store?

Al

Not the woman Peg, the shoe horn. Look at it Peg, crushed like a beer can at a Raiders game.

Peg

Al, I'm afraid. Hold me.

Al

Peg, Peg, my life's in danger here. It's important I maintain my will to live.