Well, get your foot out of the door!
S5Malcolm Visits College
I can't. It's stuck!
S5Polly in the Middle
[Reese is burning ants with a magnifying glass]
[to an ant] Looking for a little picnic, huh? Looks like you've come to the wrong place!
There's one on your hand.
Ha ha! [aims the searing pinpoint of light from magnifying glass at his own hand] You've got a little surprise coming! Stupid ant...
PPolly
Thanks so much for inviting me. I really needed something to take my mind off my love life.
Well, that's why God invented baseball,... and war.
S5Dewey's Special Class
[horrified] They put you in with the Buseys?
[sarcastically] Yeah, it's real interesting! Today, we learned about our greatest enemies: Mr Matches and Mr Talk-out-of-turn! [angrily] Oh, and I also got to see a crane lower a flight simulator into the Krelboyne class!
Oh, my God! Does Mom know?
You're still alive... so, no.
Good night, Fred and Ginger.
I thought it was Fred and Barney.
[Malcolm tries to keep Dewey out of the Krelboyne class.]
[to Dewey] Trust me, I'm the good brother. I'm the one who cares about you.
But you beat me up and make fun of me.
Only when you're being annoying. Dewey, I'm serious. How can I make you understand? The coolest person in the class... was me!
Okay, I'll do it.
S5Experiment
This is important. Restriction enzymes are used for chromosome mapping, DNA testing, gene splicing. It's for a big national competition. If we win this, our paper will be published in a scientific journal. We'll probably be able to write our ticket to any college in the country.
Then everyone... will pay.
Only our incubator keeps breaking down. Plus, we're running low on agar, we're completely out of blood, our yeast keeps getting contaminated.
Maybe I can help.
That's okay, Reese. If we need a head caught in a wastepaper basket, we'll give you a call.
I gave him some food coloring and told him they were chemicals.
Guys! I made an incredible discovery! When you mix together blue and yellow, you get an entirely new color! [Holds up a test tube full of green liquid] I shall call it...blellow!
S5Victor's Other Family
I just remembered, tomorrow I'm getting waxed.
You know what else is strange?
What?
Have you heard a bird or a cricket or anything in the last two minutes?
No, everything has gone quiet as a graveyard.
[Lois and Malcolm turn around and gets scared to see an enraged Ida at Sylvia's doorstep]
JUDAS!!!!!
Mother, what are you doing here?
[in a sarcastic voice] "Oh Mommy, I'd love you to come to my baby's party". Do you think I was born yesterday?! I could spot lies coming out of your mouth before it had teeth in it!
SSylvia
Ida, I think you should know that besides the restraining order, I have a knitting needle. All right, it's a crochet hook.
Listen to me, tough guy. I know about Victor's other pension. Victor worked for Paragon Brush from 1960 to 1964. Manitoba law states as common-law wife, I am entitled to that pension.
SSylvia
I really don't know what you're talking about.
The truth will burst out of the grave and strangle you and your whole family.
[walks towards Ida; in a sotto voice] Mother, we'll discuss this later. If you don't turn around and leave, so help me God, I'll rip the wig off your head and everyone will see your TICK SCARS!
[Ida and Lois faces each other momentarily.]
S5Reese Joins the Army (Part 1)
Can he at least put some pants on?
I just stopped thinking. I figured out that using my brain was the whole problem. Not just here, but my entire life. If I do exactly what I'm told and nothing else, then everything gets easy. It's not even a question of smart or dumb. You just turn yourself into a tool. I'm much happier that way. I'm the world's happiest tool.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.