TV show quotes
[After Reese ends an argument by telling Lois and Hal to shut up, reducing them to stunned silence]
[aside] Oh, boy. In this family, that's what we call "The Closer". We now know that Reese is definitely not living here for the next few days. The only question left is who gets to take the credit.
[after finding out how Reese paid for his new apartment]
Reese, I really owe you some thanks for giving me some faith in myself. The next few days, I will be saying very little. I will be deciding on a punishment. Ideas are already popping into my mind, it's really very exciting! But I don't want to get hasty and leave either of us feeling dissatisfied!
[Hal opens the door, Lois drags Reese out by his ear.]
Ow! Are you going to drag me all the way home?!
Well, we're taking your ear there. If the rest of you wants to come, that's fine, too.
No more junk food. From now on, we are going to be a family that eats healthy.
Brownie? Mmm.
What the hell are you doing back there?! These pianos are for paying customers only! You're wearing out the keys! Hey!
Why are you in such a hurry to get rid of me?
Because I'm supposed to be doing this stuff on my own.
I'm just here to make sure you do it on your own the right way.
Wait a second! You guys are talking about college for Malcolm and not me? I'm a year older than he is. Why aren't you taking me to look at colleges?
Well...son...
[Laughs] I'm just screwing with you! Relax!
So I went to the store and got those cookies, and I brought three cases of old-fashioned hard lemonade.
Hard lemonade? That has alcohol in it!
Yes, Francis. I said there was a problem.
Those parents trusted me with the little ones, until I've poisoned them! What kind of a monster am i?
[talking to Lois] Any freshman psych major can see it's obvious life didn't pan out the way you thought it would. So now, to make up for it, you have to run your kid's life.
[to the audience] I don't know who to root for!
Simple truth is, you're just too afraid to let go of the one thing in your life that may be a success. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it. Why don't we just ask the other mothers here and see what they think? [sarcastically looks around] Oh, that's right, there are no other mothers here. You just cost this floor their electricity privileges.
And you know what, I want my candy than I want my next breath. I have a plan!
[yelling]Malcolm, what are you doing?!
My plan!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
