Law & Order quotes

Briscoe

Full-contact modeling. Now there's a Pay-Per-View special I'd ante up for.

Green

What'd you find out?

Briscoe

Could have been a stray bullet.

Green

6 inches to the right, she'd still be here.

Briscoe

6 inches to the right and Lincoln would have seen the end of the play.

McCoy

There's always a chance Justin could be rehabilitated, Arthur.

4 dead? I don't think he's earned that chance. And I also think my senior prosecutor should agree with it.

McCoy

I do.

Serena

But...?

McCoy

I'm a father.

Docket #534687. People vs. Reynaldo Celaya. Murder in the first degree.

And the plea?

Not guilty, your honor.

There's a first. Miss Southerlyn?

Southerlyn

The defendant shot and killed his brother's wife within days of being released from prison. Bail shouldn't even be a consideration.

I don't suppose you agree with that.

Bail schmail. What's a couple of days in Rikers after 10 years in Attica? Not gonna waste your time, your honor.

You know what, counselor? This is a first.

¡Tu eres un demonio! ¡Asesino!

¡Era mi esposa!

[shouts back in Spanish]

Not if I kill you first!!

¡Yo te mato! ¡Yo te mato! ¡Es mi esposa!

She's my wife! Cabron, she's my wife!

¡¡ASESINO!! [shouts in Spanish] ¡Reynaldo, yo te mato! ¡Asesino! ¡ASESINO!

Hmm. Nothing like a little excitement to get the heart pumping. What's next on the menu?

Docket #534781. People vs. Clara Perazzo. Charge is murder in the second degree.

Surprise me, Miss Perazzo.

I don't know what you mean.

I need a plea. Did you do it?

Yes!

I don't think my client understands, your honor.

I understand perfectly. I killed the SOB.

She's obviously mentally disturbed.

Southerlyn

The defendant killed her husband, your honor.

She ran him over 4 times with her car.

I admire her restraint.

I object!

Cool your jets, counselor. Shall we take this from the top?

No need to, your honor. Dom is dead, and I did it. I knew exactly what I was doing.

I'm not supposed to express personal opinions in the courtroom, but I gotta tell you, Miss Perazzo, you make me proud to be an American.

Thank you.

Cheating on you, was he?

Yeah! But I could live with that. I could live with his perversions. But I won't go under the knife for anyone! [points at her breasts] These were good enough for him when we got married!

Green

Damn!

Briscoe

What?

Green

We got a jumper.

Briscoe

I may join him.

Bail is set at $1,000,000. And you'll be happy to know, Mr. Bender, that ten of those dollars are mine. More, if you get a piece of the popcorn.

Green

People get around stars, they get stupid.

Briscoe

Waiting in line to see Madonna is stupid. This is a felony.

Green

You know, I can't help but wonder - and this may just be the cop in me, but I'm a little curious - I'd really like to know why you knocked this girl out before you raped her. I mean, how much fun could that be?

Wasn't me.

Green

I mean, she's just layin' there, in the cab or wherever, almost like she's dead. I mean, the only thing I can think of is you didn't want her to see...

See what?

Green

Come on, man. Both of us have been in locker rooms. Some dudes got it, some don't. And girls these days, they been around, some of 'em. They know the difference. Yeah, I guess if a teenage girl were laughing at you, it would be a whole lot easier to just smack her first. [Bruner starts laughing] What?

Oh, I like you.

Serena

You didn't ask for bail, Jessica. You must know...

I know a lot of things. I know I defended a father who raped and murdered his 11-year-old daughter. I've defended a guy who, for no apparent reason, walked into a grocery store, shot 12 innocent people with an Uzi. Right now, I've got a kid who decapitated his mom, hung her head on a stick outside his church. All the scum of the Earth, they send them my way. I do my best for them. But this guy... So you're turning down my offer?

McCoy

You know I have no choice.

Damn it.

McCoy

All you have to do is...

I can't! Mark Bruner scares the socks off of me, Jack. How am I supposed to represent someone that I'm scared to death to be in the same room with?

McCoy

Did he threaten you?

My motion to be relieved. I know you have to oppose it, but do you really have to win?

McCoy

The job of a congressman is to become a senator. The job of a senator is to become president. Everyone does what they do for the wrong reasons, but somehow, the whole system works.

Serena

That's politics, not law.

McCoy

Same difference.

Serena

Oh, really? What's your secret ambition?

McCoy

It wouldn't be a secret then, would it?

Yeah, who is that stupid S.O.B. anyway?

Serena

Tim Schwimmer, legal aid, and he isn't exactly stupid.

He listened to his client when he told him about 15 other bodies?

Serena

Yes.

He then confirmed his client was telling the truth by taking a peek at those bodies?

Serena

Yes.

Fine. What's dumber than stupid?

Briscoe

There's no such thing as hooker-client confidentiality.

I still think I coulda won, Denise notwithstanding.

McCoy

The minute she walked into that courtroom, all the sympathy you'd managed to work up for him would have backfired in his face. Turns out, he was in the unique position to know that, better than either of us.

Lawyer to lawyer: you didn't actually talk to Denise, did you?

McCoy

No.

Then how did you know?

McCoy

I didn't. But I do know that I'm barely white enough to live in Greenwich, Connecticut.

He jumped into the car and took off like a bat out of h-e-double-hockey-sticks.

Briscoe

What precinct are you from? Sesame Street?

Lt. Van Buren

When are people gonna learn a car just isn't worth it?

Briscoe

Well, it was a Cadillac.