Lt. Van Buren quotes from Law & Order

Lt. Van Buren

[about child molesters] There's people like him in every neighborhood. It could be the Little League coach, your kid's favorite teacher... It's too bad they don't glow in the dark.

Lt. Van Buren

[voiceover narration over Kincaid's death scene] A crowd of people stood and cheered when he raped her. They were supposedly good people, and they did nothing. Then he beat her to death with a tire iron. And today, the state of New York got its revenge. It's not enough, and it's too much.

Lt. Van Buren

You want to take me on, little girl? Well, let me tell you something: you better be packing more than a dirty mouth.

Lt. Van Buren

You're only as happy as your unhappiest kid.

Lt. Van Buren

[about the defendant in the train crash case] Look, I hope you're charging him with twelve counts of murder, 1,250 counts of attempted murder, and whatever else you can throw at him. I was at the scene, counselor! And if this case doesn't help bring back the death penalty in New York State, I don't know what will.

Lt. Van Buren

[to Green about Reverend Sterling's arrest] Hey, Ed. Make this one public. I want that hypocritical preacher to feel some pain.

Lt. Van Buren

"Have a nice day." I'll have a nice day when I'm cured.

Van Buren

Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?

Logan

That would be Lennie.

Lt. Van Buren

What kind of life is this guy gonna have without ... you know?

Logan

Maybe he's got some other life-long pursuits.

Lt. Van Buren

Like what? You think he plays the clarinet?

Logan

I hope he plays the clarinet.

[about Korey's stalker] He's invested considerably more than gas money into this. Every game, every press clipping... it's a full-time occupation.

Logan

What's in it for him? Korey barely knows he exists.

The way he sees it, when she changes her running shoes, it's her way of saying hello to him. When she waves to the crowd, it's a declaration of love.

Lt. Van Buren

And if the secret code gets jumbled, is there any chance he gets violent?

There's a low risk, I'd say about 5%.

Briscoe

"If you don't play for me, I hope you don't play for anyone else"? I'd be watching my back.

Well, you take it as threat. He probably meant it as a curse.

Briscoe

Right, and he whacked her with his magic wand.

Lt. Van Buren

I heard Zack Rowland cut a deal.

McCoy

Lieutenant, it's 9:00, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of 8-year-old scotch in front of me, I don't talk business.

Lt. Van Buren

Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?

McCoy

I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.

Lt. Van Buren

Your old man?

McCoy

He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM, there probably would have been 2 dead kids lying on the sidewalk.

Lt. Van Buren

And you would have dragged him in front of the grand jury.

McCoy

Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. [looks at Van Buren and they laugh]

Well, I trust you're here to apologize, Lieutenant.

Lt. Van Buren

I do my repenting on Sunday.

Logan

It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.

Lt. Van Buren

Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?

Logan

Wow. That's almost a clue.

Lt. Van Buren

And it beats heavy lifting.

Briscoe

What?

Logan

It's Anita's sense of humor.

Lt. Van Buren

Lieutenant Anita to you.

Lt. Van Buren

[reading a student's poem] "The more I stab you the more I want you."

Briscoe

Sounds like Gershwin.

Lt. Van Buren

Damn. My college's idea of sex in literature was Jane Eyre.