SSecretary
[as Briscoe and Logan arrest a suspect] Excuse me?
[walking past her] Don't mention it.
S5 E1Second Opinion
Haas tells one patient she's got a cure, it's a little white lie. She tells two patients, it's unforgivable. She tells three patients, she's a murderer. She tells four patients, she's a damn murderer, and it's all admissible!
S5 E2Coma
Hey, if I open an account over there, I get free checking and a toaster.
A 2-slice or a 4-slice?
4-slice. And if I deposit fifty grand, I get a VCR.
Hey, if you deposit fifty grand, I'm calling Internal Affairs.
DDobson
I don't need you to tell me I'm a son-of-a-bitch. I've been one a long time. I like it. The hours are good, and there's no heavy lifting. But I happen to be a son-of-a-bitch whose wife was shot by some other son-of-a-bitch!
JJoey
[to Briscoe, after Logan knocks on the interrogation window] Who's that, your boss?
Yeah. [to the window] Hi, President Clinton.
S5 E3Blue Bamboo
If you're gonna play stickball in Canarsie, learn Brooklyn rules!
SSamuels
[about the deceased] He had a lot of energy. I, on the other hand, have a wife.
My condolences.
S5 E4Family Values
What is the matter with this girl?
She's obviously in love, desperately.
As much as she is in denial.
Can you blame her? Every aspect of her life was controlled by her mother, almost to the point of cruelty. Martell was her window to the outside world.
Not to mention that sleeping with him was a wonderful way of saying "Happy Mother's Day".
You spend years trying to protect your children, and then a distinguished citizen like Martell comes along.
He didn't just come along. He was invited in.
S5 E5White Rabbit
What was the FBI doing in 1971?
I dunno, buying feather boas for J. Edgar Hoover?
[about Forrest] She'll be in prison until 2003. The 60s should be over by then.
S5 E6Competence
HHoeck
See these bloodstains here? That's type AB negative.
Oh good. I got dibs on his liver.
I heard Zack Rowland cut a deal.
Lieutenant, it's 9:00, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of 8-year-old scotch in front of me, I don't talk business.
Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?
I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.
Your old man?
He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM, there probably would have been 2 dead kids lying on the sidewalk.
And you would have dragged him in front of the grand jury.
Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. [looks at Van Buren and they laugh]
S5 E7Precious
Nice to meet a man who says "'Til death do us part" and means it.
If those were my children, I'd want that woman in prison.
With a 50% chance that she's innocent? I wouldn't tell that to the next Mrs. McCoy.
She's asked that her sentence to be delayed until she gave birth. She said she didn't want her child to be born in prison.
Probably the safest place for the child.
By the time she gets out of prison, the kid should be able to defend itself.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Law & Order pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.