[Frank in a dog kennel]
Put my cage on the bar so I can see.
[splashes beer in his face] Shut up, dog!
S7 E7Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games
Last time we played, Dee got "Emotional Battery". We berated that bitch for like two straight hours.
I mean, really personal stuff. Way over the line. The kind of stuff that cuts you to the core, you know.
She held it together without a single tear.
Dude, when her two minutes were up, she cried for a month straight.
Yeah, it was really sad. Every day, crying all day long. She talked about taking too many pills.
I think she tried to kill herself.
She did, she did. I saw it, but I didn't tell you about it.
Goddamn it, Dee! Your back is so boney and crooked and all over the place, I can't get a flat surface!
S7 E8The ANTI-Social Network
We have to blow the sign off of the building-- you know, maybe I'll do the blowing. That's fine.
Charlie, Charlie, stop, stop, stop, stop. Do you think a human being can blow a sign off of a building?
I didn't until Mac said it.
I never said that.
A man cannot blow a sign off of a building.
In Charlie's defense, you could loosen the screws, get up there and blow...
We are talking about the internet. You are derailing the conversation.
LLarson
Mr. Reynolds, Mr. Kelly, I'm detective Larson. I'm gonna need to clear something up on your report here.
It doesn't...yeah, we're good.
LLarson
It says here this was filed as an assault, but the only thing that you're claiming was that...this man shushed you?
Yeah, but...it was an assault.
LLarson
Shushing somebody is not an assault.
There was more to it than...
He--yeah, it wasn't just shushing though.
Yeah!
And the reason it was an assault was because he was shushing our cries for help.
Right! This guy was raping us.
W--wha--?
LLarson
He was raping you?
Well, yeah--yep.
DDetective
The both of you?
No! No, no, no, no...
[snort] You can't rape two guys, it's the--
I wouldn't even necessarily classify it--
You know, what happened was that he only raped my friend here. I actually shook him off in time, the guy never quite made it inside of me, but my friend here...yeah.
LLarson
So he was only raping you?
Yep.
Yeah, yeah. He, like, really kinda made soup of your insides.
No, no, no. He barely--he barely made it in there, so trust me, I'm fine.
Yeah, but he bit his dick.
Not--what?! No, he did--he--the reason we were going to file as a--a rape was because the--he did make it inside me, but like, just barely, and the guy was super-small, so I'm fine! And then I did get away. [Larson begins taking notes] Well, don't--don't write any of this down! Y--look, can we just drop the case?
Yeah! We don't need to--
Right? We just need the drawing.
I didn't even think about that, because if we had the drawing, we can find the guy. We can dole out the justice.
And then this never needs to go in any files, anywhere!
[on video] So spread this video to all of your friends, because it's a computer virus. Take it from me. I am a doctor. Dr. Toboggan. Mantis Toboggan.
S7 E9The Gang Gets Trapped
Okay, I cannot see the driver's face, but the subject appears to have pointed feet of some kind. Okay, I'm repeating here. He has pointed feet, so careful now.
[on walkie talkie] What does that mean? What does that mean?
He's wearing cowboy boots.
Deandra, your breath is dog shit.
A whole bunch of tickets to the Jay Leno Show.
Who cares?
No. Listen to me. Who wants to see Jay Leno 15, 16 times?
No one. No one wants to see him once.
Dee, you gangly, uncoordinated bitch. I am not getting hogtied over your lack of grace.
I hope they hogtie you. And then I hope they rape you in their basement for ten years.
Yeah, give me a chip.
No, you're not getting the chips. The chips are off the table, okay?
I want a chip!
Don't bring up the chips.
Give me a chip!
He wants chips, and I asked him in the store, Dennis, you were there. I said, "Charlie, do you want a bag of chips?" He said, "No, I don't want chips." If you wanted the goddamn chips, you should have gotten the goddamn chips at the hamburger store!
Frank! Little girl coming your way.
I'm gonna whip this little bitch in the face if she makes a peep.
It was weird that they were Asian, right?
GThe Gang
Yeah, yeah.
S7 E10How Mac Got Fat
Hey Charlie, you asleep? Charlie, are you asleep?
No...no.
I got a great idea.
I don't want to hear it. Frank, I'm a successful man now, okay? I need to maintain a certain level of excellence, so I can't have you like telling me terrible ideas all night, because that brings me off me excellence, okay?
Okay, but this is a great idea. We take--we take the M-80s that I have and we stick 'em in some lamb, and then PATCHYA! We blow it up.
What are you looking to do like flash cook a--a gyro sandwich?
Yeah. That's a good idea. Flash cook a sandwich.
Oh my God.
Cook the meat immediately.
I mean, what you're talking about is just a meat bomb, and that's just a waste of a good lamb. So if you're done coming up with good terrible ideas, um, I'm gonna go back to bed.
A meat bomb! You--you--you blow it up!
OH, GREAT AND ANGRY GOD, I COMMAND THEE TO SMITE MY FRIENDS!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.