Dib quotes from Invader Zim

Zim

Gir, your waffles have sickened me! Fetch me the bucket!

Gir

*Squeals*

Dib

NOOOOO! The plan! *shakes computer* WHAT WAS THE PLAN?!

Zim

*Makes retching sound as Dib looks sick*

Dib

Um, ancient traveler? Are you Mortos Der Soulstealer?

Huh? YES! I AM MORTOS DER SOULSTEALER! Every thousand years when Ta'un aligns with Chakunga, I escape from the place beneath the Overworld to walk among mortals for one day. Important plot point this is. Men hide behind furniture. Women spit loogies of terror. Animals void their bowels at the sight OF MORTOS DER SOULSTEALSER! [laughs maniacally until he starts coughing.]

Dib

[wipes away drool that landed on him] Okay, great!

Dib

Hold it! [takes out pamphlet] According to the ancient pamphlet, you must grant at least one mortal a wish before you can return to the spooky realm.

[snatches up pamphlet] Pamphlet stupid! [drops pamphlet on the ground, then stomps on it with his foot, then starts pounding it with his fist.] Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! [Stops pounding and then gets up again] Okay, but power's very weak from thousand year in place beneath the Overworld.

Dib

Well, how do we fix that?

Two quarter porkeys with cheese, one McGrease, no cheese, Meaty McMeatMeatMeat with cheese, and an Appely Pie with meat. [The food is served to Mortos, then Mortos scarfs it down.]

Dib

Mortos, is this really how you recharge your unearthly powers?

YES! SINCE BEFORE TIME BEGAAAAAAAAANNNNN! [Cashier starts gesturing, asking for money.] Mortos not carry cash.

Dib

Oh. [reaches into his pocket] Okay.

Dib

You ditched me!

Yes. Mortos ditch you. And Mortos sorry. But many years ago, Mortos trust little boy like you. Little boy named Floochie. Who sang songs to Mortos. That little boy break Mortos' heart... Now, dark energy of universe Mortos' only friend...

Dib

I'm sorry.

And Darlene here...

Hi!

Dib

Guh! I can't believe I almost bought that sob story! Mortos, you're no mighty master of spooky powers like the pamphlet said! You're just a... a big mooch!

You call Mortos mooch?

Dib

Yes, a mooch!

MOOCH!

Dib

That's right!

Mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, mooch, MOOCH! You want see power? I show you power!

[to Dib] Hey! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham!

Dib

Why was there ham in my pocket?

Prof. Membrane

[on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!

Gaz

Dib!

Dib

Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!

Gaz

That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?!? You lied to me, Dad!

Just how many more minutes will she have to suffer before rescue crews can free her? Huh?!

Dib

Why don't they just pull her out?

She's lodged in real good. I heard her foot's poking out over in China. Plus, she screams real scary whenever anybody comes near her.

Dib

Look at her. She's just smiling and waving. She just loves the attention. [suddenly realizes something] Wait a minute. [visions himself ramming through the crowd toward Zim's house and barges in, then drags him outside, exposing him without his human disguise, and Gir, in front of everybody and the whole world] Attention! (That's it!) If I can get up there, I can expose him on national TV!

Whoa,check out his eyeball

Dib

The eyeball of and alien invader!

Zim

LIES!LIES!Have you not heard of pinkeye?!? It is a normal human illness.

Yeah,Pinky got it really bad last week.

Dib

[surprised] You...you believe me? Wait a minute, you were in some hideous government experiment where they hit you in the head with car doors right?

[looking at a picture of himself tied up in an alligator's mouth] Ha ha, almost, but no! I really do believe you!

Dib

Zim! We meet again!

Zim

...I just saw you three hours ago.

Do not be alarmed. The student president has experienced a failure in spirit. A new election will be held immediately. Volunteers? Volunteer?

Zim

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Pick Zim! Zim is me! Zim is me! Zim shall rule! Pick Zim! Zim! Me! I am Zim!

Zim. Analysis: moron. Suitable. Candidate 2 needed. Volunteers?

Dib

But Zim's criminally insane! That's not good!

Dib. Analysis: annoying.

Zim

Egggh,lies

Zim

Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you! Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you!

Dib

Ms. Bitters! Zim is threatening the voters! He's disqualified, right?

Ms. Bitters

[to an administration droid] The child shrieks like a fruit bat.

Gaz

If there's one thing you should know by now, it's to stay out of my room!

Dib

Do you feel different anyway?

Gaz

Get out!

Dib

X-ray vision, maybe? Super-smell?

Gaz

That's it, Dib! Security!

Zim

[after laughing for some while] That's a good one! "Help you!" Why should I help you?

Dib

Hey! I helped you when we were transforming into giant bolognes!

Zim

YOU'RE MAKING IT UP!!!!!

Dib

NO, GAZ! Those are the mashed potatoes! Get them away from my eyes! Remember what happened to Zita?! [All the students look at Zita, with an eye plaster on her right eye] I was only trying to help you out, Gaz!

Gaz

You're hiding something! What is it?!

Dib

Me? Hiding? I was only trying to do something nice for my sister! No! Not my eyes! Think of all the food you'll never eat again if you destroy me now! [Gaz lowers the mashed potatoes with an annoyed growl and hurls them away as she walks off; Zita screams in pain off-screen] ZITA!!!