Spencer Shay quotes from iCarly

Spencer

Sam's throwing a tantrum.

Carly

I know.

Freddie

We know.

Spencer

What happened, did we run out of bacon?

Freddie

No.

Carly

She's mad because I refuse to enter the beauty pageant. [Sam is still screaming]

Sam

HEY, I won first place!

Carly

Can you guys pay a little attention to us?

Spencer

NO! We have five hours invested in this game!

Freddie

We are not stopping until we guess what we are!

Sam

(to Spencer) You're cheese.

Carly

(to Freddie) You're a big toe.

Spencer

OH!!!

Freddie

DANG IT!!! (Carly and Sam walk away, as he and Spencer put on new cards) AM I A SQUIRREL?!

Spencer

NO!

Sam

Holy chiz on a chizzle!

Carly

What?

Sam

"Spencer Shay of Seattle died of natural causes last Saturday."

Carly

It doesn't say that! (takes the paper from Sam) ...It says that!

Spencer

(takes the paper) NICE! First they insult my art, and THEN they call me dead! Which incidentally, I'm not!

Carly

(she starts jumping on a trampoline) What's the matter with you?

Spencer

I can't take being dead anymore. Being dead is so boring!

Carly

(still jumping) Then quit being dead.

Spencer

Hey, have you ever tried Oystamato?

Carly

No.

Spencer

WORST…DRINK…ever. It's a blend of tomato juice and oyster juice.

Carly

You hate tomatoes AND oysters.

Spencer

I know.

Carly

So, what made you think you'd like a blend of their juices?

Spencer

I didn't think it through.

Carly

You never told him that you dropped out of law school?

Spencer

Daddy's very busy!

Carly

I smashed a window and fled from our space pod.

Spencer

Aw.

Carly

Mr. blanton said if I did that up in outer space, my eyes would've been sucked out of my head and that'd be bad for his business.

Spencer

He has a point.

Freddie

So where are the groceries?

Sam

You left them at the donut shop.

Spencer

No... (starts to leave)

Freddie

Where 'ya going?

Spencer

To the donut shop...

Carly

Ginger Fox has no talent!

Freddie

She can't do anything!

Sam

Maybe it's best they don't know.

Spencer

I feel like I kissed Gibby.

Spencer

She's a very sophisticated woman. I can't have her thinking I spend my time hanging with teenagers doing goofy stuff!

Carly

That's like, all you do!

Spencer

Yeah, but I can't have her thinking that! She wears pantyhose!

Carly

(talking very fast) Freddie says "In 5, 4, 3, 2…", then points at us, then we introduce the show. Then after that we go to that wheel over there and do a bit called "Put that in your man purse", which you don't know about but just play along and you'll figure it out as we go.

Spencer

Why doesn't Freddie say "in five, four, three, two, one"?

Carly

No one knows!

Freddie

I know.

Carly

No one cares! Now hurry, take your jacket and glasses off!

Spencer

But I look so sophisticated.

Carly

This is iCarly! We don't do sophisticated! (slaps Spencer lightly)

What is going on here?!

Spencer

Uh-oh! Baby was worried This would happen!

Spencer?

Spencer

[own voice] Could you give me Like five minutes And I'll be right down?

I've been waiting almost a half-hour down there, by myself! And what is all this anyway?

Carly

It's a live web show, and we refuse To break character!

Gibby

Who is this woman?! Off with her head!

Freddie

If her head does come off, might I please eat it?

Spencer

Hey, did you see those squirrels?

Carly

(very quickly) Don't talk about it!

Spencer

[Spreads mayo on the sandwich] Little mayyyyyo. [Squeezes mustard on the sandwich] Some mustarrrrrd. [Puts turkey breast on the sandwich] Some turkey breastess. [Swats away a fly, then puts a slice of tomato on the sandwich] Slice of tomato. [Swats away the fly, then takes out a piece of lettuce] A little iceberg– [Uses the piece of lettuce to swat at the fly] –off the port bow. [Puts the piece of lettuce on the sandwich, then swats at the fly] Back off, jerk! [To Carly, who is upstairs] Carly! Where's the fly swatter?

Carly

[From upstairs] I threw it away.

Spencer

Why?

Carly

[From upstairs] 'Cause it's not nice to kill things.

Spencer

[To Carly] Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. [To the fly] I'm gonna kill you so hard. [Accidentally sweeps the food off the table]

Carly

[From upstairs] What are you doing?

Spencer

[To Carly] Nothing! Just reading the Bible! This pharaoh guy's really giving Moses a hard time.

Spencer

I was reading this Bible.

Carly

This is a Mexican cookbook.

Spencer

We can still learn from it.