Okay! This is outta control! We've been here for 15 hours, and we wanna leave!
Sam[tries to open the door] OPEN THIS DOOR!!!!
NSNora's Father
We may never open the door!!
That's right! [Pauses] Because my birthday party shall go on. Forever....
DFDershlit family
And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever....
[Suddenly, Mrs. Benson and T-Bo ram through the door on T-Bo's motercycle]
Chicken? [Maurice clucks]
Freddie! [Freddie runs over and hugs her]
Wh... what's... What's happening...?
Sam
You wanna know what's happening, Nora?
You and your freak parents are going to prison. Forever… (along with Sam and Freddie after what the Dershilts has said to them)
IGiCarly gang
...And ever, and ever, and ever…
IGiCarly gang
Yes. And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever...
Sam
Hey, if you're going to Yakima for the weekend how are we gonna do iCarly?
Oh yeah, you wanna host the show alone?
Sam
Naaah, I need somebody to banter with.
Uhh, how about me? I could host iCarly with Sam.
Sam
Ooorr, I could fill a bag with yogurt and put a face on it?
That is hilarious. You could call him Baggels.
Sam
Baggels! I love that!
You'd rather do comedy with a sack of yogurt than me?
[Sam and Carly pull weird faces and try and not admit the fact that he's right]
I can be creative! I've been working on some really funny characters and stuff.
Sam
Oh my god, no no no.
I've done stuff on the show before!
Sam
Little stuff.
Just let me host the show with Sam one time.
Yes! [turns to Sam with a pleading look.]
Sam
Whatevs.
Yes! This is gonna be awesome! Yeah yohooo!
Have Baggels standing by.
Sam
Yeeepp.
I just wanted people to think I was creative.
Sam
And I wanted a mom without stretch marks. That ain't happening. And... y'know, tech stuff can be sorta creative.
Sam
Well... you know, weren't you working on some sort of tech-y 3-D chizz?
*sighs* Yeah. I was trying to figure out a way to shoot video so people could watch it online in three-D. Y'know, without special glasses.
Sam
See? That's creative!
But I never could make it work.
Sam
Well... you know... uh....
Sam
Yeah, sounds like the sort of advice you'd get from someone who cares.
[After Marty leaves, Spencer turns to Sam and Freddie.]
Come on. Let's go meet Gibby at the Smoothie.
[As Freddie takes his jacket from the sofa and Spencer takes his jacket from a jacket hanger, the elevator stops at the floor of the Shay Apartment.]
[Comes out of the elevator with her suitcase] I'm back.
Sam
Bye, Carls.
[Sam, Freddie, and Spencer leave the apartment, leaving Carly standing confused.]
Okay wait, is it straight?
Ummm, I think my side needs to be a little higher.
[Sam looks at Carly with a worried look on her face]
What are you doing with that balloon?
Sam
Taping the string to Freddie's phone.
My.... [rummages around for his phone in a slight panic] Get your hands off my phone!
Sam
No prob. [lets go of the balloon]
You get my phone down from there right now!
Sam
'Kay.
[Sam pulls out her mini paintball gun]
No no wait, I want you t-
[Sam bursts the balloon and Freddie's phone smashes on the table]
Not sure the warranty covers that.
[Gibby walks in]
Gibbay! Woah, you guys getting ready for a party?
Sam
Yep.
Carly's dad's coming home for a few days.
And it's the first time in 3 years that I get to spend his birthday with him.
So, Spencer's not your dad?
[Sam whacks Gibby in the butt with a paintball in annoyance]
Sam
[annoyed] You deserved that.
Great. Now when I sit I'm gonna have to put all my weight on my left buttock.
[Spencer runs out]
Okay! Okay, tell me what you guys think, huh? [makes funny noises while doing a weird jog on the spot, He is wearing a suit]
Sam
What?!
He never told our dad that he dropped out of law school so now he wants to pretend he graduated and that he's a lawyer in a big law firm.
[fake laughs] I gotta! You want dad to come home and be disappointed in me?
He's been disappointed in you since you were 9!
Is that when Spencer set that ice-cream truck on fire?
[annoyed] It was an accident!
Accident or not, it put Mr. Creamstein out of business!
[Gibby lifts up a lid of a box revealing a cake]
Sam
That's her dad's birthday cake.
Yeah, it's an exact replica of an Air Force, F22, fighter jet.
Aha! Which I have specially rigged with automatic, self-lighting candles.
Spencer- [tries to grab the remote off of him]
Don' touch me, your dirty. [everyone looks around all confused] When we show dad the cake he say "Well, why aren't the candles lit?" and then Carly will say "Well what do you mean the candles aren't lit?" and then I'll press this button, and-
[The cake explodes everywhere and all over everybody]
That was my dad, he, he can't come home now.
Sam
What?!
Yeah, there's some situation in some country, I dunno, he's gotta help handle it.
Well who's gonna tell Carly?
[Spencer gives the puppy dog eyes look to Sam]
Sam
I'm not telling Carly.
Sam
Because it's going to be like slapping a sweet puppy in the face!
SO you're gonna make me tell her that her father-
[Carly enters making aeroplane noises whilst bringing in her dad's birthday cake]
Junior Curnal Carly Shay with a new jet fighter birthday cake requesting permission to land. [shuts the door] Dad is gonna love this, and right after he blows out the candles, Spencer, you and I are gonna give him huge hugs. And Freddie, I want you to get it all on video okay?
Um.. [turns to Sam and Freddie]
[Sam and Freddie run out the back door]
I dunno, some people are just, born with the weenie gene.
Okay, something's going on here.
Yeah, sit. [he and Carly both sit on the couch] Carly, sometimes, in life-
I know. A man and a woman fall in love and they get special feelings-
No, no. Not that. Dad had a change of plans, and he can't come home right now.
[shocked] He is too coming home, he told me.
Yeah, he was, but, there's a military situation-
But we planned a big birthday party and everything.
I know, I'm sad about it too, but-
[Carly begins to walk upstairs very upset]
I'm not mad I just... I just miss him.
[Sam and Freddie walk back in]
Sam
Did you just call us weenies?
Sam
Ok.
[Sam and Freddie leave again]
Sam
How can you not be mad?
Mr. Howard had every right to be mad at me. I was texting in class.
Okay, okay. Nothing can put me in a bad mood. You guys hooked me up so I could talk to my dad on his birthday. That's it. Your both gettin' hugs.
SFSam and Freddie
Umm, well, no, no-
No, no c'mon. It's happening, your getting hugs. Your getting a hug. I love you guys. [Sam and Freddie thank her during the hug] I love you.
[The trio walk in to find Spencer sitting on the couch joined by agents.]
KAgent Kinsey
I'm Agent Kinsey, these are Agents Farrow and Morris.
FAgent Farrow
We're with the United States Secret Service.
KAgent Kinsey
This is about your recent webcast.
FAgent Farrow
To a secure military base over-seas.
[The three of them look very worried]
[The agents are investigating the apartment.]
KAgent Kinsey
Just relax Ma'am.
How can we relax when 3 secret service agents are tearing our apartment to pieces?!
FAgent Farrow
We're just checking your place out.
Sam
Why?!
FAgent Farrow
Let's just say that your recent iCarly webcast caught the attention of someone very high up in the US Government.
Sam
Oh great!
[tries to comfort Sam] Stay calm.
Sam
I can't stay calm! I promised my mom I wouldn't cause any more trouble with the US Government!
FAgent Farrow
[His machine bleeps] Clear.
KAgent Kinsey
Alright, we're done here for now. Please don't leave town until we contact you again.
KAgent Kinsey
Just don't leave town.
[The 4 of them stand there looking at the agents very shocked]
Okay. [sounding scared] Thanks for watching iCarly!
[The agents leave the apartment]
[Carly gives Spencer a hug looking really upset, as if she's about to cry.]
[Carly and Freddie meet at the lockers.]
No. Nobody's seen her all day.
Sam
[whispers to Carly and Freddie] Psst! Over here.
[Carly and Freddie head over to Sam]
Sam
Getting stuff. [starts getting things out of her school bag] Here's a wig for you, [puts a wig on Carly's head] and a wig for you. [puts a wig on Freddie's head] Passport for Carly and a passport for this one. [gives them each a passport]
Sam
We're blowing this country. We're heading to the airport and buying one-way tickets to Amsterdam.
Sam
Well you wanna stay here in this country and go to Federal Prison for hacking into a secure communications network?!
How are we gonna pay for one-way tickets to Amsterdam?!
Sam
Pfft. [gets out a bag of jewelery] I got all my mom's engagement rings. Now let's head into a coin shop turn this bling into cash and get the fugde out of dodge.
[men in suits come round the corner]
Uhh, I think it might be too late for that.
M1Man #1
Miss Shay, Mr Benson, Miss Puckett.
Sam
[In a deep manly voice] Puckett, uh, are you looking for Sam Puckett? She passed away. Funeral's Thursday bye. [begins to hurry off]
[Sam stops and turns around]
Sam
[throws her backpack onto the floor] Alright. [gets on her knees with her hands behind her head] Put the cuffs on loose would ya? I don't like it when they dig into my wrist.
M2Man #2
Just come with us. [Pulls Sam up]
iCarly · 611 quotes
