[Marshall will not take Robin's skepticism of miracles lightly and narrates one of his own miracle stories]
July, 1999, Kennedy airport.
[A flashback to March 1997, when Marshall arrives home from Amsterdam and checks into Immigration at JFK]
S3 E20Miracles
GGuard
Did you enjoy [Looks at Marshall's passport] Amsterdam?
[Nervous] No? Nothing illegal. Some paintings...
GGuard
Alright Bob Marley. [Takes Marshall's backpack] Let's have a conversation! [another guard enters, coughing and eating a bag of chips.]
RGReplacement Guard
Shift change! [First guard leaves; new guard looks at Marshall's passport] Amsterdam? Alright! Float on through, brother!
[Current day] Miracle!!!!!
S4 E1Do I Know You?
FTFuture Ted
Kids, here's something I wish my dad had told me. The longest pause you will ever experience in your life is the one that follows asking the question...
[to Stella] Will you marry me?
FTFuture Ted
Your brain goes into overdrive, imagining every possible response.
[Flashbacks to every possible response]
No.
[Next response]
Oh, god no!
[Next response]
[bursts into laughter] You want me to marry... No.
[Next response]
Awww I'm sorry Ted, I can't. Mark Johnson, the quarterback from the high school football team, already asked me.
MJMark Johnson
What's up, turd?
It's TED!
[Back to present time]
FTFuture Ted
But if you're lucky, she might answer with the single greatest word in the English language...
Yes.
[about Star Wars] It's just a movie.
[Cut to Ted and Marshall watching the TV. Subtitle: '121 awesome minutes later']
Okay, if Stella doesn't like this movie, I can't marry her.
No, you can't.
Wanna watch it again?
Yes, I do.
S4 E2The Best Burger in New York
We always do this. We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now?
Chinese?
Oh.
I don't like Chinese.
Indian?
I just said I don't like Chinese.
Indian isn't Chinese.
Weird meat, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?
Mexican?
I just said I don't like Chinese!
God.
Just a burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean...that first bite -- oh, what heaven that first bite is! The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then... a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a...a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us through food.
And you got our wedding vows off the internet?
S4 E3I Heart NJ
[Ted and Stella are arguing about whether New York or New Jersey is better]
Bruce Springsteen.
Sinatra.
Yeah, he's from Hoboken...New Jersey.
Yeah, but what city is he singing about? It's not Secaucus, Secaucus!
I hate New York! I'm sorry, but it's true! Today, I was walking around PriceCo. Have you ever been there? It's huge! All the stores in New York are so cramped! Every time I turn around I knock something over. I'm like some huge monster that came out of the oceans to destroy bodegas! ...I'm too big for New York, okay! I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats, or duck under doorways that were built a hundred and fifty years ago. "Hey, guess what, people are bigger now! Build bigger doorways! What the hell is wrong with you?" ...And it's so loud. All the time. Yes, I know it's the city that never sleeps, but guess what? I like to sleep! I've been tired for eight years! Tired and scared, with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit into all these tiny elf doorways! New Jersey's great! It's got huge stores, and lawns, and you never have to carry a cup again! For the rest of your life! I'm not afraid to say it: I love New Jersey! [sees Lily's face] I'm just kidding.
S4 E4Intervention
[in old man make-up] You there, what's your name?
WWoman
Cindy.
Cindy. I knew it! You're the Cindy, the one that can change everything...or spell our inevitable doom. Now listen to me, Cindy. I am Barney Stinson. And I am on an urgent mission from the future.
WWoman
The future?
The future! And I can prove it! In exactly four seconds, the woman at that booth is going to slap that man. [Clears throat loudly]
[Robin slaps Ted; woman is amazed]
In a few minutes, the young me from your time is going to come through that door. Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane...but in order to save the planet, you need to sleep with him. Tonight.
WWoman
What?
Sleep with Barney Stinson, tonight, in whatever way he wants it...or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race!
WWoman
What are you talking about?
I have no time to explain. I have to get back to the reality accelerator before the vortex closes. Only you can save us, Cindy. I must away!
[Barney returns a few minutes later, looking like himself]
WWoman
Oh my God! You're-oh my God! Can I buy you a drink?
Well, I guess I have time for one drink, and forty-five minutes to an hour of some other activity. But after that I have to get back to, uh, a secret research project I'm working on.
WWoman
Global warming?
My god. How did you know that?
Wait, whoa, what damage did I cause?
Remember that night where you drank the twelver of Molson and got all "Super Canadian"?
[flashback]
[holding a hockey stick] Stanley Cup. Game six, eh? The Rangers are aboot to be sorry they ever played shinny with the Canucks.
Hey hey Robin, I'll give you twenty bucks if you can shoot it through the front door.
Oh! You're nuttier than a Tim Horton's maple log! Tally Ho! [tries to shoot the puck through the door]
[grabs the puck] No. That's it, Robin. Gimme the stick!
I'll give you summer teeth... Some are here, some are there.
Robin, give me the stick!
Take off, [shoves Lily] hoser!
Alright, that's it!
[Robin and Lily begin to fight]
Go America!
Alright, alright! Break it up! BREAK IT UP!
Te-ed, no! You never break up a girl fight! NEVER!! [punches a hole in the wall and storms out]
S4 E5Shelter Island
There's no meat.
There's no alcohol.
It gets worse--I am 90% sure that guy you were talking with used to be lead singer of the Spin Doctors.
[Robin has reservations about Ted and Stella's wedding, and Ted is not pleased]
We broke up over a year ago.
Yeah, but that's not that long ago. Watching you marry another woman isn't exactly something I was looking forward to. I don't know, if I would change my mind about marriage and kids, it was nice to know that you were there.
So I was your safety school. How flattering.
That's not it. It's just that, I..
Why are you bringing any of this up? There's nothing between us anymore.
Well maybe there is! I mean, of course, there is, that kind of stuff just doesn't disappear without a trace. I'm not just another guest here, Ted.
Great. We used to date, but we've both moved on and look, we got what we wanted. I'm getting married, you got your dream job in Tokyo, and we live happily ever-
I quit my job.
What?
I'm moving back to New York. I thought I wanted that job, but I want to come back to my real life, and I think you should go back to yours.
What does that supposed to mean?
Don't get married. Look you're rushing into this, it's like you're trying to skip ahead to the end of the book. Ted, you're the most romantic guy I know; you stole a blue French horn for me, you tried to make it rain-
I did make it rain.
It was a coincidence, but after all that, this is how your great romantic quest comes to an end? You're just disappearing into someone else's wedding, someone else's house, someone else's life without a second thought. That's not the amazing ending that you deserve. That's not Ted Mosby.
[after long pause] I love Stella, she's the one. You really feel that way, I guess it's a good thing you're not coming to the wedding after all. [storms out]
S4 E6Happily Ever After
Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true!
Well, that's her business.
Come on Ted, she left you at the altar! [gang begins arguing until Lily notices the taxi]
Wa-wait, where's she going? Her cab just missed the turn to the Lincoln Tunnel.
Why would anybody buy take-out food and take it all the way back to New Jersey, anyway?
She's going to her office.
No. [recounts restaurant order scene] The waiter asked her, "And you need utensils?" She said, "No, I'll just take them straight home."
And if she's going home, why are we still heading to- oh my God. Tony lives downtown. 'Home' is Tony's apartment. She was gonna make me move to New Jersey, and she's moving into the city WITH TONY?!? Son of a bitch! [Gang cheers him on]
Finally, finally, buddy.
I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!
I know, I know, and I love it! [Ted rips off window crank] Yeah, that is awesome! [to taxi driver] Sir, we'd be happy to cover the cost of that window crank! I love angry Ted!
So do I!
[After Ted fails to deliver his 'cold-blooded' speech to Stella because he just saw Tony and Lucy happily greeting her.]
FTFuture Ted
From that moment I wasn't angry anymore... Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me.
S4 E7Not A Father's Day
[Marshall and Lily are making out on the couch when a pajama-clad Robin sits down and munches ice cream with beer]
So Robin, how's the job and apartment search going?
[sarcastic] Oh you didn't hear? I'm a lead anchor on CNN and I've got a penthouse overlooking Central Park made of gold! Get your head out of your ass, Marshall!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's How I Met Your Mother pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.