Stella quotes from How I Met Your Mother

Stella

Ah the butterfly tramp stamp, my bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad break up and some booze, unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case I thinks time to find a new gang.

Ted

Ah no, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden...

Stella

Well, I think I can remove it in ten one-hour sessions, but I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful.

Ted

Well, I think I you'll find that I have a very high tolerance for pain. Just last night I sat through the worst movie ever made.

Stella

Oh, Plan 9 from Outer Space?

Ted

No...the Worst Movie, Manos Hands of Fate.

Stella

How long's it been for you?

Ted

It's been a while.

Stella

Tell me. [Ted shows full palm] Me too!

Ted

It's been five months for you, too? [Stella is open-mouthed]

[at flat] FIVE YEARS!??!

Stella

So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend.

Ted

Well, now I can finally say it: I hated that guy! Everything out of his mouth is 'I'm a vegan!', 'Fish feel pain!', 'I'm never constipated!'. That guy's an idiot.

Stella

Actually, she's marrying him. I just wanted your honest opinion.

Ted

He's actually a really nice guy. There's a wisdom...

Kids, here's something I wish my dad had told me. The longest pause you will ever experience in your life is the one that follows asking the question...

Ted

[to Stella] Will you marry me?

Your brain goes into overdrive, imagining every possible response.

Stella

No.

Stella

Oh, god no!

Stella

[bursts into laughter] You want me to marry... No.

Stella

Awww I'm sorry Ted, I can't. Mark Johnson, the quarterback from the high school football team, already asked me.

What's up, turd?

Ted

It's TED!

But if you're lucky, she might answer with the single greatest word in the English language...

Stella

Yes.

Stella

Bruce Springsteen.

Ted

Sinatra.

Stella

Yeah, he's from Hoboken...New Jersey.

Ted

Yeah, but what city is he singing about? It's not Secaucus, Secaucus!

Ted

Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have... I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen, and waiting for it to happen, and... I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

Stella

You know how I talked my way out of a speeding ticket?

Ted

Really?

Stella

I was heading upstate with my parents, I was doing 90 on the country roads, and I got pulled over. So then a police officer swaggered over and said, 'Ma'am, I've been waiting for you all day.' And I said, 'Sorry Officer, I got here as fast as I could!'

Ted

For real?

Stella

No, it's just a joke. [pause] I know that you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here, as fast as she can.