Look, we're sorry if we don't have enough time to sit down at the bar listening to silly little dating problems. When you have a baby, it's not just the most important thing in your life, it's the only important thing. When are you guys gonna get that?
Robin, its the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 Who Work In Midtown League. It's The Show!
Lily
You know, it's kinda funny imagining people icing their groins. First it would get a little cold... then the ice would start to melt... things will get all wet, and steamy...
Marshall, you being 18 is not a bad thing. It only just means you get to spend more of your life with her. I mean, like, I'm not gonna meet my wife until like I'm, 23.
Right. What am I thinking? I'm in love with this girl.
Lily
[having seen the video] Ted, you gave me the ultimate stamp! And my whole life... [gestures to Marvin] this life, it all goes back to that moment. [embraces Ted]
[gasps at seeing Ted and Marvin with Santa Claus] Ted took Marvin to see Santa?!? [seethes and closes book] I'm gonna take this book and I'm gonna shove it so far up his-
The point is, it made us remember another scrapbook you made. [remembers Building's Book of Firsts about the GNB Tower] That project really was your baby and now it's over, you're scared to move on.
I poured all my blood, sweat and tears into that building. To be fair, a lot of it happened the day I accidentally fell down that elevator shaft. The point is, it's just really hard to let go, especially since that building's my biggest accomplishment. I mean, maybe if I was where you guys at in life, all you had to be proud of... [Lily gives him a lollipop; they all sit down]
We get it, you'll always gonna be Uncle Ted. But if Marvin can't be your next project, you need one of your own, so we rescheduled your meeting with that headhunter. He's over there. [points to black man sitting with children]
Nope. I spent the night thinking how everything I've done since Quinn and I broke up has been a cry for help. Dressing up a dog like me, hooking up with all those nannies...
God I feel awful. Barney is going through something big and here I've been obsessing about one stupid final hookup to get him out of my system. He needs space and time to figure this out - and I have to give it to him.
Well, first of all, respect to Mickey. Your mom's a piece - she's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece. Secondly, I mean, it's nice that they found each other. Sometimes, you fall for someone you never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?
Oh this? This is just cakes. Anyway, we'll run the ceremony at that beautiful church out on Long Island where Victoria almost got married, lovely spot. And then, we're gonna have a big reception in a big white tent on the front lawn of the hotel. The colors are cream and lilac.
Lily
[bumrushes Ted with Marshall holding her back] I'mma cut you bitch!
You know what, I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks. This gross guy, brushed against my rack, and then apologized - and I think he really really meant it.
Lily
Sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers, but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you.
It's true. Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see. [looks at Lily] I see her brightly, and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love... and possibly alcohol mixed [shows medicine vial] with some very powerful antibiotics.
Lily
And that's how Barney sees you - and I know that's how you see Barney.
You're gonna return that ashtray and you gonna pray he doesn't press charges because I can't be in a marriage while one of us is in prison! I know that we roleplay conjugal visits a lot, but I can't do that for realsies.
Lily
I'm sorry, all rulings are final. I am not taking it back.
Oh my God. Lily, what is the big deal? Yeah so what, someone said you're just a kindergarten teacher. Why do you let that bother you?
Lily
[tears] Because he was right, I am just a kindergarten teacher and yes, I have a degree in art history and I was meant to do something with it, but I didn't. Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me.
[calms her down] Nonono, it's not too late. It's not too late. You're gonna quit your job tomorrow, and you're gonna, you're gonna go back and pick up right where you left off with that art stuff. And then you know what? I'm gonna find Shelly, and I'mma punch her in the face. Yeah, I'mma punch a girl. Run away. I promise you. Your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you.
Lily
I love you so much for saying that, but there get's to be a point in life where that it just stops being true. I'm sorry I stole this. [sees ashtray] I'll return it first thing in the morning.
Riker's Island. The artist is serving two consecutive life sentences for aggravated homicide. I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.
So you're gonna Zuckerberg me? Alright, you're Zuckerberging me? It's fine, I'll see you in court, a little court called the dance floor. Dance-off now!
Lily
No, no dancing. Marshall, we've been through this. The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever, you have to lay off dancing for a while.
[subtitles while repeating Italian sentence] Come on, maybe the only sentence I know is "come on bro, don't Bogart all the Funyuns," but I know in my heart that you understand me anyway. Because no one I know has better understood anyone better than you and I understand each other. Is this trip going to be scary? Yes. Do I like the idea of not knowing the language? Of course not, but I believe we can do this. I love you, Lily. I love you.
Lily
I love you. [kisses Marshall] So, we're going to Italy!
This is the first thing we bought when we moved here after college. It was the only piece of furniture we had for a week, and now you two are moving to Italy. What if our friendship doesn't pass the "Have you used it in a year?" test? If you can throw out this chair, who's to say you can't throw me out too?
How I Met Your Mother · 439 quotes
Lily
