Victoria quotes from How I Met Your Mother

Victoria

Why don't we just... dance. And have a great time. And when it's over, never see each other again.

Ted

Unless-

Victoria

No. No unless. No e-mails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight, we'll make a memory that will never be tarnished. Then, when we're old and gray, we'll look back on this moment... and it'll be perfect.

Ted

Wow... Okay I'm in.

Victoria

[enthusiastically] Okay!

Ted

I guess, uh, what, we'll need fake names?

Victoria

Um... you can call me Buttercup. [Ted and "Buttercup" shake hands]

Ted

Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm... Lando Calrissian. [Victoria laughs] Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded in-

Barney

[with bridesmaid on his arm] Hey Ted, Ted, Ted, look! I got a bridesmaid! Ted Ted look, Ted! The second hottest bridesmaid! Ted, look! See you Ted.

Ted

[to Victoria] So I'm Ted.

Victoria

Victoria.

Victoria

I've only had two boyfriends before Ted.

Robin

Prude alert!

Victoria

Well, two serious ones. I've dated others in between.

Robin

Slut alert!

Victoria

I will tell you my most humiliating story.

Marshall

Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.

Victoria

OK, it involves a game of "Truth or Dare", a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.

Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way in hell I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great.

Marshall

[staring goggle-eyed at Victoria] That is the greatest story ever!

Victoria

[gasps] Okay, fine. Just let yourself off the hook on a technicality! Forget the fact that you did cheat on me!

Ted

Forget it? I will never forget it! Okay? I will never stop regretting it, because what we had meant that much to me! I just...I wish it had meant something to you, too.

Victoria

Are you kidding? I loved you.

Ted

Did you?

Victoria

Where shall we go? Your place? My place? We could go on my honeymoon. [laughs] Just kidding...although it is paid for.

Ted

I know where we should go.

Victoria

Where?

Ted

Your wedding. I'm taking you back.

Victoria

I don't understand. I thought you wanted this.

Ted

I do want this. I've thought about you so many times, what might have been...but I got left at the altar and it nearly killed me. You're someone's fiancee, and I have to respect that. So let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie and get you back to your wedding. It's the right thing to do.

Victoria

Some part of me needed to hear you say that running away together wasn't an option, and now that I know that, it's like I'm sobering up. Is there any way we can pretend that this never happened?

Ted

[softly] This never happened.

Victoria

[starts to write letter] Klaus...

Ted

Just Klaus? Give it some heart, the poor guy!

Victoria

"Dear sweet Klaus..."

Ted

Sweet? So what, are you still in love with this jerk?

Victoria

I'm doing this on my own.

Ted

I'm sorry, I feel bad for the guy. I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.

Victoria

You're not stealing me. I'm choosing you...[kisses him] because you are loving, you are caring, and [gives note to Ted] you are going to give him this note.

Ted

You're expecting me to go there?

Victoria

It took me everything I had to climb out of that church window...and if I had to go back there, I'm not sure if I can do it again.

Ted

[gets note and leaves car but enters and rubs note in Victoria's face] It has to smell like you.

Enough, ENOOUGH! [couples stop] You all have someone who loves you and you're screwing it up over what, who has the most power? That's not love. Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you - and you know what? That's what we're gonna do. [to Marshall] You, start!

Marshall

[to Lily] When you got scared about Marvin, it felt like you were saying that I'm not as good a parent as you. You're an amazing mom, and I will look up to that.

Lily

I probably have trust issues because my dad wasn't there for me, but I know that you'll always be there to catch Marvin.

[to Ted and Victoria] You, next!

Ted

Having Klaus back in our lives made me scared we're never gonna escape the past.

Victoria

I only wanted to help Klaus because I feel guilty of how happy I am with you.

[to Robin and Nick] Next!

I find you so sexy, it just hurt that you don't feel the same way about me.

Robin

I get turned on watching myself do the news during sex.

Oh... That's cool. [leaves with her]

Look at that, no legal documents needed, just honesty and vulnerability. That's love! You see, I once loved someone, only I didn't say it enough. Now I wish I could say it everyday - hell, I don't care if its crazy, I'm doing it. [calls ex-wife] Hello Darlene? Put Tugboat on the line. Hey buddy! Hey it's the man! [leaves conference room]

And for a moment, all felt right with the world, but that very night, the Autumn of Breakups would claim its first victims.

Ted

There's something I need to tell you. I've thought about this a ton and I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but... I'm not in love with Robin, but she's like family to me, and I can't end that. So, can you accept that?

Victoria

[bitterly holds Ted's hand] I really hope you get her someday. [leaves in tears]