Robert Chase quotes from House

House

You brought a date?

Chase

Wilson seemed to think it was a good idea.

Wilson

You need to dive back into the pool.

House

And he has to swim in ours? You go to a bar, you bring your ugly friends.

Chase

It's not a beauty pageant.

House

Life is a beauty pageant. Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.

Chase

Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking.

House

Yeah, you are.

Wilson

You kind of are.

Chase

So you attribute every relationship I've ever had to the height of my cheekbones?

Wilson

Not the whole relationship. Just the beginning.

House

The rest is your hair.

Thirteen

What are you thinking?

About Nick playing baseball.

Taub

Holy crap!

Chase

That's amazing.

Foreman

Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.

Chase

Does anything get you excited?

Chase

You had a conversation with House, you came back, informed me I'd been forever poisoned by him, and started packing.

Cameron

Interesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another human being.

Cameron

I still don't know why I said that. It's not even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have ever worked.

Chase

Why not?

Cameron

Because everything you said is true. I'm a mess. I married a man I knew was dying. So... God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I'm-I'm un-unfixable. Not you.

Chase

Not that I could ever do it. I was jealous of House, and Cameron never touched him.

Thirteen

Not counting the emotional fondling.

House

If history is written by the victor, how do we find out what really happened?

Chase

Talk to the loser.

Thirteen

So you gonna ask me about this Huntington's trial? And by ask I mean give me your opinion.

Chase

No. There's one thing, though....will you have sex with me?

Thirteen

...what?

Chase

Well, this trial means you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.

Chase

Oh, and she's not like Cameron.

House

True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.

House

So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and ol' Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.

Chase

Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?

House

Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned.

Normal EKG. No osler nodes.

House

Right, Dr. Kelly!

Chase

Kelly's her first name.

House

What's your point, Dr. Robert?

Chase

[to Foreman] So who gives a crap if I prepped her?

Foreman

Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.

Chase

Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?

Foreman

We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.

Chase

You especially why?

Foreman

What do you mean why? Because I'm...

Chase

You're what? You're my boss or something?

Foreman

Something like.

Chase

So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.

Foreman

I am at a different level.

Chase

Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.

Foreman

It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.

Chase

Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.

Taub

So what do you guys think of Dr. Cheng?

Chase

Best treatment for a vascular malformation is surgery. And I think your wife thinks you shouldn't think anything of Dr. Cheng.

Taub

[to Chase] So, what was that shrug? A "Dr.-Cheng-could-work" shrug? Or a "House-is-gonna-crush-you-for-even-considering-her" shrug? [Chase shrugs again] You suck.

Chase

House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire [gesticulates wildly] ...anyone.

Taub

So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?

Chase

Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.

Chase

[to House] We just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.

House

Sure you are. You're descended from convicts.

Chase

Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.

House

[gesture with his hand] Those are not the droids you're looking for.