Robert Chase quotes from House

House

Classic Neurohecatia. Two days of anticholinergics, you'll be walking out of here.

Ramon

Really?

House

No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur, hallucinations.

Taub

He hasn't had hallucinations.

House

I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."

Chase

You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?

Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God. Probably Schizophrenic.

Chase

Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.

Taub

How did you get out of there?

Chase

I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.

Taub

One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.

[whispers] Is no one going to tell me.. [House shushes her as he watches television] Why we're in the morgue?

Chase

House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.

Foreman

Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…

Do you even like me?

Chase

Why?

I put making friends and having relationships on hold so I could concentrate on studying. I always thought there'll be plenty of time for that in the future. But… now when I do want them… I can't even get a date to this charity event. If I can't establish relationships in my personal life, how will I ever do it with a patient?

Chase

Be honest with her. But if it comes down to a choice between the brutal truth and hope: side with hope.

Chase

Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.

Cuddy

As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.

Chase

Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.

House

Before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a permanent member of Team House.

Dominika

[stands and hook her arm into House's arm possessively] Nice to be meetings you all. [puts a wedding invitation down on the table]

Chase

Doing what exactly?

House

Me. We're getting married on Friday. [to Dominika] Mount up!

I don't think that two people are supposed…

House

Living on the edge, baby doll!

Chase

You killed your own brother?

Thirteen

Yes. It was awful and devastating, but it wasn't murder. He was sick and he wanted to die, and I promised I would help. Now please stop pacing and help me find this thing.

Chase

Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?

Thirteen

No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.

Chase

You want us to waste a bed on her?

House

You took an oath… an oath to be cool. At least that was the one I mumbled under my breath while everyone else was doing the boring one.

Foreman

As the new Dean of Medicine, I'd like to personally welcome our new employees, and ask why the Hell did you want to come back?

Dr. Robert Chase

Tired of surfing.

Foreman

He hasn't changed.

Chase

And neither has the job, right? We still get to do crazy crap.

Dr. Chris Taub

Save people's lives instead of just their noses.

But it could end up causing another cardiac arrest.

House

Hopefully, and we'll know what set it off.

Chase

What he means is, it's better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.

House

The prodigal son has returned. [hugs Chase]

Chase

If people told nothing but the truth, the world would probably burn down overnight.

Some people think it's burning now. Maybe if everybody didn't lie...

House

Aw, that is cute. I'm talking about your breasts. They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest. Truth. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth... I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. He'd never admit it, because he doesn't want to offend you. Same reason he'd never tell you that he's thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, every man you've ever met has thought about having sex with you. They'll lie, because if you knew, you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them. And that's just some of the lies from the last minute. And here's a bigger one: you already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth.

Am I weird?

Chase

Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Chase

He's not in prison; It's kinda hard to gas a guy unless you can seal him in a room first.

House

Which is why Arceus created the universe with three states of matter, and three hundred solid and liquid poisons that could cause these symptoms.

Taub

Arceus?

House

[takes a sip of tea] Look it up.

Chase

Taub's daughter is sick.

House

Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Do you think people can change?

Chase

No. But I don't think that's gonna change your opinion, because... people don't change.