Eric Foreman quotes from House

Dr. Cameron

[Coffee mug in hand, standing next to the whiteboard with one arm draped over it] Foreman! Are you going to contribute, or are you too tired from stealing cars? [Foreman and Chase stare at her] I'm being House. It's funny.

Dr. Foreman

[Deadpan] I know. You made milk come out of my nose.

Foreman

Aren't there better ways to spend our time?

House

Good question. What makes a person deserving? Is a man who cheats on his wife more deserving than a man who kills his wife?

Foreman

Uh yeah. Actually, he is.

House

What about a child molester? Certainly not a good guy, but he didn't kill anybody. Maybe he can get antibiotics, but no MRIs. What about you? What medical care should you be denied for being a car thief? Tell you what: the three of you work out a list of what medical treatments a person loses based on the crime they committed. I'll review it when I get back.

Dr. Foreman

Her oxygen saturation is normal.

Dr. House

It's off by one percentage point.

Dr. Foreman

It's within range. It's normal.

Dr. House

If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin.

Dr. Foreman

What are we trying to hear?

Dr. House

Tumor.

Dr. Chase

They tend to keep quiet on account of them not having any mouths.

Dr. House

The tumor is Afghanistan, the clot is Buffalo. [Everyone looks at him strangely]. Does that need any more explanation? Okay, the tumor is Al-Qaeda, the big bad guy, the brain who went in wiped it out, but it had already sent out a splinter cell, a small team of low-level terrorists, quietly living in the suburb Buffalo, waiting to kill us all.

Dr. Foreman

Whoa, are you trying to say that the tumor threw a clot before we removed it?

Dr. House

It was an excellent metaphor. Angio her brain, before this clot straps on an explosive vest.

Dr. House

20 bucks says I can get through this door in 20 seconds.

Dr. Chase

You're on.

Dr. Foreman

Count me in.

Dr. Foreman

What's the emergency?

Dr. House

[Looking at his yo-yo] I can't remember how to do Walk the Dog.

Dr. House

There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.

Dr. Foreman

Hmmm. So, the great humanitarian's as selfish as the rest of us.

Dr. House

Just not as honest about it.

Dr. Foreman

You have no evidence to support a poisoning diagnosis.

Dr. House

Which is why it's going to be so cool when I turn out to be right.

Dr. Foreman

Have you read his file?

Dr. House

I started, but I found the characters two-dimensional.

Dr. Foreman

In one of his books he talked about giving up drugs and alcohol, how it changes life.

Dr. Chase

[imitating House] Everybody lies.

Dr. House

MRI show anything?

Dr. Foreman

CT scan was negative.

Dr. House

CT... that's like, short for MRI, right? Excellent, well I guess that saves us a lot of time.

Dr. Chase

We've got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine.

Dr. House

I teach you to lie and cheat and steal...and as soon as my back is turned, you wait in line?

Dr. Cuddy

Tell me... if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas as House does, how are you an improvement on House?

Dr. Foreman

I... brought you a coffee?

Dr. Foreman

Hypervigilance, sudden irritability...

Dr. House

Symptomatic of...lunch with Cuddy?

Dr. Foreman

There's no age limit on addiction.

Dr. House

[taking a Vicodin] He's right.