Eric Foreman quotes from House

Dr. House

[to Chase] Two clinic hours says that those love apples are hand-crafted by God.

Dr. Foreman

I thought you didn't believe in God.

Dr. House

I do now.

Dr. House

Cop with a sense of humor, differential diagnosis, guy's in the ER, bleeding on everybody.

Dr. Foreman

Drugs?

Dr. Chase

He's a cop.

Dr. Foreman

Good point, how about... drugs?

Dr. House

Tox screen was clean, he did however get hit with a bullet. Just mentioning.

Dr. Cameron

He was shot?

Dr. House

No, somebody threw it at him.

Dr. Chase

Foreman. Why aren't you answering? Is there a problem?

Dr. Foreman

S-square.

Dr. House

Tell me your date of birth.

Dr. Foreman

Is that House?

Dr. Chase

Yeah. Next?

Dr. Foreman

[surprised but unable to move by head restrains] Square again. Why is he here?

Dr. House

Because my neurologist is having surgery.

Dr. Foreman

I thought I was another patient.

Dr. House

You didn't believe that crap. Did you? [while inserts a needle into Dr. Foreman's brain] Date of birth.

Dr. Foreman

The Ommaya reservoir is inserted in the parietal lobe. My spatial recognition is the issue, not my memory.

Dr. House

Oops! Did you say Ommaya? I could swear you said biopsy. Hey! I'm just messing with your head. Mother's maiden name, please.

Dr. Foreman

[while tries to look at Dr. House, who is standing behind and taking a sample] Get out of my temporal lobe, House.

Dr. Cameron

You feeling any better?

Dr. Foreman

I can't breathe, I'm dizzy, and I can barely hear anything over the sounds of my lungs crackling.

Dr. Cameron

That's the Legionellosis.

Dr. Foreman

[sarcastically] Well, you figure that out from the symptoms or the vial of stuff tossed in my room?

Dr. Cameron

I'm trying to be professional here, there's no reason to be nasty.

Dr. Foreman

I'm in pain!

Dr. Cameron

So's House.

Dr. Foreman

And he's a delight.

Dr. Cameron

He doesn't try to kill his colleagues.

Dr. Foreman

I think the first biopsy didn't give us the answer because you didn't go deep enough. I want you to do a white-matter brain biopsy.

Dr. House

[sarcastically] Absolutely. Don't blame you. The world is such a complicated place if you've got higher reasoning skills. I'm often jealous of small animals and retarded children. Take the antibiotics.

Dr. House

[trying to get a rise out of Foreman] I'm telling you, I'm going to drop the N-bomb if I have to.

Dr. Foreman

You're addicted to conflict.

Dr. House

[looks at his Vicodin bottle] Did they change the name?

Dr. House

He's got a temperature of 103.

Dr. Foreman

And why do we care?

Dr. House

Because we're human beings. It's what we do. Said he was at a luncheon meeting.

Dr. Cameron

You took his history?!

Dr. House

Guy looks like Harpo. You should see him.

Dr. Chase

You asked him what book he's currently reading.

Dr. House

It's hilarious to watch him try and talk. I asked him anything I could think of. Favorite color? "Bwuu."

Dr. House

Favorite dessert topping? [The patient hesitates.] Trust me, you'll never know what fact may be the key to saving your life.

Whip cweam.

Dr. House

So you're saying Chase did screw up.

Dr. Chase

Or Foreman screwed up.

Dr. Foreman

Big hand points to minutes, maybe you got them mixed up.

Dr. House

Oh snap, Foreman is playing the dozens. You're at a huge cultural disadvantage here, Chase. Take a couple minutes to think of a witty retort.

Dr. Chase

Hey Foreman, your momma's so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.

Dr. House

What's the largest organ?

Dr. Chase

Skin.

Dr. House

We need to get a piece.

Dr. Foreman

Sure, we'll just wait until he leaves his room without his skin, sneak in and take a piece.

Dr. House

Stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.

Dr. Cameron

Because he screamed?

Dr. Chase

It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, a toxin, something he ate...

Dr. House

Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... lungs are in the chest too, right?

Dr. Foreman

I had a date last night. She screamed. Should we spend $100,000 testing her?

Dr. House

Of course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!

Dr. House

Start treating Jabba for Pickwicken Syndrome. His 96 double Zs are probably putting pressure on his chest and suffocating him.

Dr. Foreman

His CO2 and oxygen stats are normal.

Dr. House

For you and me, what's normal for a hippopotamus? Get a detailed medical history.

Dr. Cameron

From who? He was bought in alone.

Dr. Chase

And I doubt a guy who weighs 600 pounds bothers with annual physicals.

Dr. House

Talk to the neighbors, search the house, let's see what Shamu's been up to besides eating. This conversation is over because I've officially run out of clever things to call the guy.

Dr. Cameron

The weight limit's obviously just an estimation, its not like it can hold 450 pounds fine and it'll instantly collapse at 451.

Dr. Chase

He's not one pound over, he's a 150 pounds over.

Dr. Cameron

I don't care, he still deserves the same standard of care as anyone else.

Dr. Foreman

And you believe the machine will stand on principle?

Dr. Foreman

[On George, the extremely obese patient] He wants to be discharged.

Dr. House

Oh right, places to go, people to eat.

Dr. Foreman

Noble.

Dr. House

Moronic. [Foreman looks at him] It's a synonym.

Dr. Foreman

You stash your drugs in a lupus textbook?

Dr. House

It's never lupus.