Gregory House quotes from House

Dr. House

[to black Senator] You're not going to become President either way. They don't call it the White House because of the paint job.

Dr. House

Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman, a brilliant judge of people, and a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know that the new ACE inhibitor is good? Because the old one was good. The new one is really the same, it's just more expensive. A lot more expensive. See, that's another example of Ed's brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again. Making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everybody, right? Except for the patients. Psht. Who cares? They're just so damn sick. God obviously never liked them anyway.

Dr. House

Don't worry, it's a vegan I.V.

Dr. House

I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is, doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong.

Dr. House

It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach.

Dr. House

I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

Dr. House

Straight from the bladder, that's as fresh as it gets.

House

You know how people say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important.

Dr. House

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

House

You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a.... I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.

Dr. House

He thought he was dying. Dying people lie, too. Wish they'd worked less, they'd been nicer, they'd opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it, you don't save it for sound byte.

Dr. House

Is anybody here a doctor?

Dr. House

Work smart, not hard. That's my philosophy, boss.

Dr. House

Bad news: Your son has a filthy, unhealthy habit. Good news: He's trying to quit. Bad news: Quitting is killing him. Good news: I can cure him. Bad news: [thinks] Nope, that's the end of it.

Dr. House

Cameron, Chase and the dark one... Foreman, right?