Gregory House quotes from House

Dr. House

[to Dr. Wilson] Why do you wanna sleep on a couch anyway? You got money. At least until the divorce is finalized.

Dr. House

Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about.

Dr. House

You know relative to its size, the barnacle has the largest penis of any animal?

Dr. House

You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.

Dr. House

I fear for the human race. A teenager claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening.

Dr. House

Saying there appears to be clotting is like saying there's a traffic jam up ahead. Is it a ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is it a thrombotic bus or an embolic bus? ... I think I pushed that metaphor too far.

Dr. House

Unless Chase broke his neck falling off his polo pony, he had no reason to be in the E.R.

Dr. House

[to Foreman] Glad you're back. Cameron makes lousy coffee. I take mine black, the way I take my brain-damaged neurologists.

Dr. House

Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one.

Dr. House

Diagnostically, she needed to be hurt. I wanted to hurt her. Win-win.

Dr. House

I'm a really good secret keeper, I never told anybody that Wilson wets his bed. Oh, you tricked me.

Dr. House

Don't try to talk. You've got a big medical thing in your mouth.

Dr. House

Why do they bother putting age restrictions on these things when all you have to do is click "Yes, I am 18"? Even a 17 year old can figure that out.

Dr. House

[to Cameron] You do know you can't actually pierce me with your stares?

Dr. House

There's a reason we don't let kids vote, or drink, or work in salt mines. They're idiots! Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often.