Hogan's Heroes · Season 1
So you wouldn't take my advice, eh, Hogan? Where are the two prisoners who tried to escape?
If you'd stood any closer to them, your Iron Cross would get rusty.
Oh, you fools! Here's my reward: 30 days in the cooler! Take them away!
30 days is a cruel, inhuman, unjustified punishment to be inflicted only by a sadist!
Flattery will get you nothing, my dear Colonel.
What happens in your army if you shoot a Colonel?... In my army, we get the Croix de Guerre.
Does the name Michaels ring a bell with you?
Michaels? Michaels. Yes, yes, it does, yes it does.
It does?
Yeah. I knew this English girl, Diane Michaels. A beauty. Peach and cream complexion.
That is not the Michaels I had in mind. This one has a mustache.
Oh, we're talking about two different girls.
May I ask you something? Why are we building a boat? What are you up to?
You really want to know, Schultz? Well-
Please don't tell me. How about Captain Michaels? How are you going to get him out of the camp?
(inhales to speak)
Please don't tell me. Why am I asking you? Schultz, where is your sense of loyalty? Helping the enemies? Schultz, Schultz! What is happening to you?
Ah, c'mon, Schultz. If you're gonna psychoanalyze yourself, go find a couch. We're busy here.
How about the Kommandant?
(now talking about the officers' club) He gave me his word he wouldn't peek. Wants it to be a surprise.
Oh, BOY, is he going to be surprised.
I said "volunteer", I can't order you to go on a mission like this. Now who's going to step forward and take this job thank you Lebeau.
I didn't move a muscle!
You have that volunteer look.
That's how I got married: volunteered same way.
If only we could knock (the guns) out.
Hey! Maybe hand grenades could do some damage!
They're 15 miles from here, at least.
Well, I'll warm up my pitching arm....
If only we could... Lebeau.
Did I volunteer for something again?
What are the forgery boys working on?
Raffle tickets. We've been selling them to the Krauts.
Raffle tickets?
They're for an all-expenses-paid trip to New Orleans in time for Mardi Gras. It's for after the war.
You know that picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware?
Yes, I'm familiar with that picture.
This ain't it.
LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
Pizza?! You would ask a Frenchman to cook a piece of cardboard with tomato sauce?
We swear not to tell anybody.
Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes. To climb a barbed wire, yes. But to make a pizza, no.
We all have to make sacrifices.
Let me remind you, Colonel Hogan, that the Italians are on our side.
Don't remind me, remind them.
Major Bonuccelli of the Italian Army.
Always nice to meet one of our allies.
He's OUR ally.
I keep forgetting.
And you know how tough the Germans are. Just look at the way Hitler treats Mussolini.
I think we can get to Bonuccelli.
How are you going to do that?
Work on his weaknesses.
Italians are very sentimental.
And they love music.
Anybody know the words to Santa Lucia?
You want to get through to Garlotti's Pizzeria in Newark?
That's right.
May I ask what for?
We'd like to make reservations for tonight. There'll be 103 at 7:00.
Would you like us to send you a couple of bottles of red wine?
No, we already took care of that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
