Hogan's Heroes · Season 1, Episode 22
“The Pizza Parlor” · Season 1, Episode 22
In this episode: Robert E. Hogan (10), Cpl. Peter Newkirk (4), Wilhelm Klink (3), Boniccelli (3), Cpl. Louis LeBeau (2), Andrew Carter (1), Kinchloe (1)
LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
Pizza?! You would ask a Frenchman to cook a piece of cardboard with tomato sauce?
We swear not to tell anybody.
Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes. To climb a barbed wire, yes. But to make a pizza, no.
We all have to make sacrifices.
Let me remind you, Colonel Hogan, that the Italians are on our side.
Don't remind me, remind them.
Major Bonuccelli of the Italian Army.
Always nice to meet one of our allies.
He's OUR ally.
I keep forgetting.
And you know how tough the Germans are. Just look at the way Hitler treats Mussolini.
I think we can get to Bonuccelli.
How are you going to do that?
Work on his weaknesses.
Italians are very sentimental.
And they love music.
Anybody know the words to Santa Lucia?
You want to get through to Garlotti's Pizzeria in Newark?
That's right.
May I ask what for?
We'd like to make reservations for tonight. There'll be 103 at 7:00.
Would you like us to send you a couple of bottles of red wine?
No, we already took care of that.
We want to get through to Garlotti's Pizzeria in Newark.
Is that really you, Mama Bear?
Yes, it's really me. Now get us through to the pizzeria.
Look here, Mama Bear, you'll just have to eat the same rations as the rest of us.
We don't want the pizzas. We just want the recipes.
I think you've been underwater too long. I suggest you surface.
The recipe is not for us, it's for Goldilocks.
Oh. I should have known.
Garlotti's Pizzeria. Garlotti speaking. London calling?
Yes, this is Captain Henderson, Supreme Allied Headquarters. No, Mr. Garlotti, your son is fine. Yes, he's still in the prison camp, but he's in good health and good spirits.
Good, thank you. Thank you very much. What? You want my recipe for pizza?
The pizza smells like the kind Mama used to make.
One of the biggest regrets of my life was not being shot down over Italy.
I'll bet even the Germans eat a lot of pizza in Capezio, blimey?
Yes, they do! ... Yes, they do.
Off-hand, how many pizzas do the Germans eat, figuring 2 pizzas a German?
That's a secret... 2 pizzas, one German? 106,000.
106,000? (Thinks)
Just divide by 2.
It's a vintage wine. Aged almost 2 weeks.
I could be shot for being a spy.
You're not really a spy, you'd be in uniform.
In uniform, they'd shoot me for being a traitor. Please, not while I'm eating.
Just think what you'd be doing for your country. It could help shorten the war in Italy.
It could also shorten my life.
I'll make you a big hero in Germany.
I'd rather be a little coward in Switzerland.
Well, Corporal Langenscheidt?
We could not find a trace of the prisoners.
And you call yourself a German Shepherd.
(Barks)
He's doing the best he can.
He couldn't find a can of dog food.
(Snarls)
Put him on report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
