[reading graffiti] "Hess is a mess." "Himmler is a rat fink." "Göring is a fat rat fink." [starts laughing] "Colonel Klink is bucking for rat fink!"
S1 E7German Bridge is Falling Down
[walks over with Klink to the ammunitions building; the painting has blurred the graffiti very little after being watered] You ordered us the paint the building; we painted it!
Colonel Hogan, this is not what I had in mind. I can still read those insults. Now, you will paint it again, and again, if necessary, until those insulting statements are gone. Now, PAINT IT! [storms away]
[to the Allied POWs] All right, fellas, you heard the Kommandant. Now, let's get it right!
[sometime later, Hogan walks back over with Klink to the ammunitions building; Klink is horrified]
[tantruming] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! [the building is now pink] A pink building on a military establishment? Are you mad?! If you think I wouldn't turn you over to the Gestapo, you are sadly mistaken.
Come on, Colonel. It's about time we got a little color into the war. Everything's so drab.
S1 E8Movies Are Your Best Escape
Carter, what are the boys in the metal shop working on?
Reversible tie pins. On one side it says "Heil Hitler". On the other, "I was in Switzerland during the war".
S1 E9Go Light on the Heavy Water
[Hogan is kissing Helga.]
HHelga
Mmm, you smell good.
The boys whipped up a little aftershave.
[Kisses her again.]
HHelga
It's very exciting.
It's called "unconditional surrender".
S1 E10Top Hat, White Tie and Bomb Sight
Newkirk, what about a civilian suit this time for me?
Righto, guv'nor, you got it.
Good. 'Civilian.' What a beautiful word. Next to 'girls.'
Colonel, don't you ever think about anything else but dames?
Of course I do, but I fight it.
Now let me see what we can do with Colonel Hogan.
I will have him brought here and we will start strenuous interrogation at once.
Klink, you are not only irresistible, but you are also very subtle.
Thank you, sir!
Like a broken leg.
S1 E11Happiness is a Warm Sergeant
Don't you give me any credit for having any brains?
I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might tell the truth.
(In the barracks after finishing his patrol punishment)One thing I don't understand...How could I get so drunk on one glass of beer?
Never drink on an empty stomach Schultz.
You call this empty.(Referring to his belly)
Cheer up Schultz. Maybe they'll send you to a good post.
Well maybe they're going to send me to the Russian Front.
Well if they transfer you close to home, you'll be able to see your wife more often.
All of a sudden the Russian Front sounds very good.
S1 E12The Scientist
Colonel, you worry too much.
I worry? Huh. Your life is easy. You're only a prisoner of war.
Didn't you learn anything from DuBois?
Well, most of the time we just made crepes suzettes.
S1 E15Reservations Are Required
Yes, Herr General, I heard the news. A most regrettable business, 20 men escaping from Stalag 9. The Kommandant, Colonel Schmeckler, is a personal friend of mine. I must telephone him immediately to express my deepest sympathy. Yes... What? (Frowns) Oh, yes, long distance to Russia is very expensive.
You know, it is most gratifying to have the confidence of one's superior officer.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Too bad that's not the case with you, Schultz.
I'm only a humble Sergeant, Herr Kommandant.
Yes... An accident of war.
Schultz, did you hear that? There's a war on, and yet (Hogan) calls (Stalag 13) a "home".
I think he's stir crazy.
Silence! You will speak only when you're spoken to.
You spoke to me, Herr Kommandant.
Next time, don't answer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.