Helga quotes from Hey Arnold!

Gerald

We're going to beat them?

Sorry, I got carried away.

Helga

Nice going head boy, now we're all going to get carried away, On stretchers! They're fifth graders! They older, bigger, more brutal.

Size isn't everything Helga, maybe we're smarter.

Helga

Smarter, being smarter doesn't have to do with anything with football.

Helga

97 [kids groan while doing push-ups] 98 [kids groan while doing push-ups] 99! Come on! Get up! Walk it off. Let's go! We're going to practice everyday until I start seeing some improvement. And let's start thinking positively, think like winners, you bunch of losers. [Harold vomits] Any questions?

Harold

Ahh, I just throw up my protein drink! [vomits again]

Bob

[thinking] Now I'm stuck with the girl. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week?

Helga

[thinking] Now I'm stuck with Big Bob. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week? [out loud] I'm going out.

Bob

Where are you going? When will you be back? Be careful crossing streets? [Walks back in, satisfied] I can take a week alone with her.

Helga

You don't know anything about me!

Bob

You're a kid, what's there to know?

Big Bob

[Thinking] Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.

Helga

[Thinking] Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.

Helga

Phoebe, are you OK? Phoebe! Say something!

Phoebe

I quit.

Phoebe

I don't really want to be this bossy scary selfish emotionally challenged person, who has to order people around just to get respect!

Helga

[Oblivious] Who'd want to be like that?

Helga

Phoebe, get real. Helga Pataki doesn't do detentions. Besides, I've got tickets to the monster truck show. I was gonna take you.

Phoebe

No, you get real, Pataki. You're the one who told me not to let anyone push me around. Well, I'm not letting anyone push me around, and that includes you. And one more thing, I despise monster truck shows.

Helga

When I told you not to let anyone push you around, I didn't mean me!

Helga

You're a controlling, hall monitoring bully!

Phoebe

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Helga

Phoebe, over the last week, you've screamed at kids in the halls, you've rationed water at the drinking fountain...you've given out more tickets than a lottery! I mean, look around! Half of our class is sitting here in detention!

Phoebe

So what? I'm just acting like you.

Helga

Look in that reflection, what do you see? [Phoebe looks at herself in the reflection and her refection turns into a copy of Helga as she screams] Hey, it's not that scary.

Phoebe

Yes it is! I've lost the old Phoebe!

Helga

Humph! Opera, what a bunch of dorks! La-de-da-froo-froo ladies in wigs singing a lotta 2-dollar words about nothing, doi!

Gerald

What a waste of a good field trip!

Harold

You said a mouthful, pal. Opera's for wimps!

Kids, kids, listen! Feel the music. Here's the big finish! [hums, then sighs when the music stops] And that was Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". What do you think?

Boo!

That really bites!

Stinky, you are entitled to your opinion; but I bet by the time we're finished with this field trip; I'll make an opera lover of you yet! [rewinds on the boom box and presses play] And this is, of course, the song of Pagliacci, the crying clown.

Harold

[steps out] Look at me, I'm Pagliacci, the big, sad clown. Boo, hoo, hoo! Ha, ha, ha!

[pointing to the poster] And this is what we'll be seeing today. A classic tale of power and faithless love; the opera "Carmen".

Helga

Power and faithless love, huh? Ya got my attention.

The story centers around Carmen, the beautiful gypsy, [the students ooh and aah] who flirts with the young Spanish officer, Don José. [the students hoot] Don José is, how you say, charmed by Carmen, and lets her escape arrest for, um, how should I put this, causing harm to another girl.

Helga

Maybe this won't be so boring after all, Pheebs.

Phoebe

Oh, not boring at all, Helga. "Carmen" is a great story.

But Carmen forgets all about Don José the minute she sets her gypsy eyes on the torero Escamillo.

Gerald

[confused] Torero? What's a torero?

Curly

You know, a toreador, a bullfighter! [pulls out a handkerchief and holds it in the air; Harold acts like a bull and runs into it; removes it and bows] Ole!

Oh my gosh! Look, the show’s about to start. Everyone have your tickets ready.

Helga

[sneaks behind the pillar and spies on Arnold, along with Gerald, getting binoculars] Oh, Arnold, flamenco dancer stomping on the stage of my heart! Conquistador of my soul! With that, at this moment, I could know your heart's desire, my love. [Arnold aims his binoculars in the direction of Ruth, who's talking with Connie and Maria] Ruth! [cringes] Ruuuth! If only I can get that football-headed torero to feel that way about me! What am I doing wrong? What? [pushes usher out of the way] One side, moron!

Gerald

[offscreen] Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!

Huh?

Gerald

[steps out of the darkness, wearing fancy Rococo clothes] Figaro, Figaro, Figaro! [runs back into darkness]

Hey, Gerald, what are you doing? Where are you going? What's going on? [crying comes from the other side and Harold steps out, dressed as a clown] Harold? [turns around and sees Harold crying] Uh, are you alright?

Harold

Look at me, Arnold! Look at me! I'm a...I'm a... [sings] ...big ugly clown, oh! A big, sad ugly clown, oh! [cries and runs away]

[dressed as Carmen, steps out, and slowly walks down the stairs halfway] I'm Ruth McCarmen, and awfully charmin'. [points to Arnold] I guess you've noticed by the way you stare. You're not bad either. [Arnold looks down and sees his new clothes] Let's take a breather, and we can talk about my auburn hair.

Her auburn hair! You're standing there. Why don't you introduce yourself to Ruth?

She's like a flower blossom.

I know, she's wicked awesome!

Gerald

Come on, Arnold, it's the moment of truth! [pushes him to the foot of the stairs]

[pulls up his pants] My name's Don Arnold, [pulls out caramel bag] please have a caramel. [she takes one and flutters her lashes] Your hair is lovely, do you like my pants? [smiles, embarrassed] They're made of satin, [takes off cape] the cape's pure Latin. [a hanger comes down and he hangs it; it goes back up] I had it tailored in the south of France.

The south of France, your satin pants. [a cow picks Arnold up] Why don't you ask the lady for a dance?

It's time for your decision.

It's almost intermission.

Gerald

Hey, Arnold, you better ask her to dance.

[they reach Ruth] Uhhh... [gets hit with a spitball; instantly wakes up] Hey, cut that out! Who's doing that?

Helga

[tucks the sling shot back in her shirt] I had to shut you up somehow. You were snoring louder than the orchestra.

Man, how far into it are we?

Gerald

[looking at his tape] Beats me. I'm looking for something to listen to, until this thing is over. [puts on his headphones]

Phoebe

Second act. Now Carmen will convince Don José to desert from the army and join her band of gypsy smugglers. All goes okay for a while, but then this really handsome guy named Escamillo comes along.

Helga

No electricity? No TV? No popcorn? No deal! I'm out of here.

Hey, if you can't tough it out for 24 hours, than maybe you should leave.

Helga

Oh, so you don't think I'm tough enough, is that it, Bio Boy? Well, I'll show you, I can stand be anywhere for 24 hours. Even locked in a controlled environment, with you!

Helga

Boy I'm feeling goofy, you know this Arnold guy he's been on my mind morning, noon and night for the past six years. I mean think about it, since I'm currently nine years old that is fully two thirds of my young life, is that crazy or what? Why do I torture myself by keeping it all a big secret why not just tell Arnold? La La La La La. Hey why am I telling you all this, you don't even know the guy. I'll just call that adorable little Football Head right know and tell him myself. [Phone rings, she gets answering machine.] Hello, Arnold, this is Helga, yes, Helga G. Pataki, the girl that worships you, yes, wastes days of passionate thoughts about you, ohh, my angel, sweet love, ohh, how I lo.... [screams]

[Halfway across town] Did you hear something just now?

Gerald

No.

Curly

Why don't we have the meeting right here in the hallway?

Helga

Oh, brother! Why doesn't everyone I know just show up so they all can spend the rest of their lives in this hallway?