Principal Wartz quotes from Hey Arnold!

Principal Wartz

Thank you, Helga. You're welcome. This is our tradition here in P.S. 118, the retiring hall monitor gets to select the next officer.

Curly

[Dementedly] I did It! I pulled the fire alarm! And I'd do it again, too! See? [Laughs dementedly as we hear the fire bell ringing and Curly pulling the levers down]

Principal Wartz

Stop that!

Well, that's one way to respond by not responding. Silence: often speaks volumes.

Principal Wartz

It's like music to my ears.

Principal Wartz

[Talking to Phoebe as he leaves] We're proud of our multicultural students here at P.S. 118. [Stops in the doorway and looks back] Where do you come from, Phoebe?

Phoebe

[flatly] Kentucky, sir.

Principal Wartz

What do you possibly think you're doing?

Curly

I'm not opening this door! I'm not coming out! I'm mad as heck, and I'm not going to take it any more!

Principal Wartz

What are you talking about?

Curly

Turns out I am not the ball monitor this week. I wanted the responsibility. Oh, I could taste it. And I'm not having a fine day, in fact, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong!

Principal Wartz

I see something has gone wrong! You come out right now, or you'll be facing some very, unpleasant times ahead! I'm warning you! [Curly opens up the window above the door]

Curly

[a la The Shining] Heeeeere's Curly! [he throws a dodgeball at Wartz]

Principal Wartz

OW! Gah!

Curly

That's one! One for me and 498 to go! [He throws another dodgeball and laughs evilly. Lightning flashes outside]

Principal Wartz

[To Curly] Okay, what are your demands?

Curly

My demands? Okay, I'll tell you my demands! I, I want two Yahoo sodas and, and a meatball sub!

Harold

This is gonna be great.

He's sure gonna be surprised.

Hey, guys, what are you doing here?

[giggles] We're all gonna moon Principal Wartz.

It was Harold's brilliant idea.

Harold

Want to do it with us?

I do not think so.

Harold

Oh, come on, it's fun.

It's all the rage.

All the Junior High Kids are doing it.

It sounds great, guys, but I think I'll pass.

Harold

Oh, you're just a chicken.

I am not chicken, Harold. It's just not such a good idea.

Harold

That's because you are a weenie. You don't have the guts, is all.

Yeah, you just don't have the guts.

Harold

No guts at all.

It's not that, I just...

Harold

Shh, shh. [heard Principal Wartz coming out of his office] Here he comes. Get ready on three. [Harold, Stinky, and Sid put on some masks and turn around] One...

Are you really gonna go through this?

Harold

Shh! Two... [they unzip and grab their pants, Principal Wartz walks down the hallway] Three! [everyone except Arnold bends over]

Principal Wartz

What the — What is this? [puts on his glasses and sees Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him] Oh, my! Whoa! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid pull up their pants, and run down the hallway laughing] Come back here, ya hooligans! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid ran out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting] You won't get away with this. [to Arnold] You there! Where do you think you are going, Young Man?

But, Principal Wartz, I told you, I didn't do anything.

Principal Wartz

Well, that, maybe, but you saw the hooligans who did do it.

Yeah.

Principal Wartz

Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. Just give me their names. Last name, first.

I can't do that.

Principal Wartz

This isn't a joke, Young Man. Do you think exposing portions of your anatomy to your School Principal is funny?

Well, I guess it depends...

Principal Wartz

Depends on what?

The situation.

Principal Wartz

Mooning is not funny. It's not a game! You may think it's a harmless schoolyard prank, but let me assure you, it is NOT! Someone could put an eye out. (Someone could lose an eye.)

Because of mooning.

Principal Wartz

I'll ask the questions here. Now, for the last time, you tell me the names of the boys who exposed themselves.

I can't do that, Principal Wartz.

Principal Wartz

Of course you can. It's easy.

If I told you, then, I'd be ratting on the other guys. And I can't do that.

Principal Wartz

I'm assigning you detention.

Detention? But why?

Principal Wartz

Failure to cooperate. I want to see you every day after school, in my office for the next four weeks.

Four weeks, but, sir, I...

Principal Wartz

That is all for now. [calls someone on the phone he picked up] Now, what is the name of our Art Teacher? Mrs. Flaunt, yes. Ask her to come in here, please, would you? And tell her to bring her sketch pad.

Principal Wartz

Students, yesterday, at approximately 3:38 P.M., a heinous crime was committed here in the Halls of P.S. 118. Three of our pupils engaged in a flagrant violation of district rules: namely, the dropping of their trousers and exposing of their fleshy unmentionables to a respected and beloved school official. Some of you may know this despicable practice as "mooning." Well, let me assure you, the culprits will be uncovered! I will get to the bottom of this! That is all.

What if he finds out we did it?

Harold

He won't find out if nobody tells him...

Principal Wartz

No, no, the Third Mooner had a rounder, fuller posterior with a mole on his right cheek. Very nice. Very nice, that's much better, Mrs. Flaunt. Now, Albert...

It's Arnold.

Principal Wartz

Right, right. Look, Arnold, I know you are not a bad kid. You'd keep saying you didn't actually display your end region to me, but those other three boys did. Can we agree on that?

Okay.

Principal Wartz

Good, okay. Now that we're on the same side of the fence on that point, let me pose this question to you: "What is the harm in just letting me know the names of the boys?"

Well, it's just that I...

Principal Wartz

You could just let them slip out, or whisper them to me, or we can play a guessing game until I got the answers.

No. I can't tell you.

Principal Wartz

Why?

I am not a rat.

Principal Wartz

Young Man, I must warn you that unless you'd play ball and tell me the names of the hooligans who exposed themselves to me, I will be forced to take note of your lack of cooperation, and write it down for all eyes and ears to see on your Permanent Record.

Principal Wartz

Don't think of it as being a snitch. Just think of it as being a good citizen. [gives a box of chocolate to Arnold as an offer] Chocolate cream? [Arnold rejects] You know, Albert...

Arnold.

Principal Wartz

You know, Arnold. It's not easy to do the right thing.

Harold

[looking at Arnold talking to Principal Wartz outside with his binoculars] He's gonna rat. He's gonna rat.

Principal Wartz

When I was a boy, I found myself in the situation very similar to the one you're in right now.

Really?

Principal Wartz

Mmm-hmm. You see, I witnessed several of my fellow classmates placing a frog in our teacher's desk. When she came back and discovered the frog, she singled me out and demanded that I'd tell her who was responsible.

What did you do?

Principal Wartz

I did the right thing. I sang like a canary. I tattled on every single one of them.

What happened?

Principal Wartz

The culprits were severely punished, and I was rewarded with a gold star. Oh, sure, my classmates were pretty mad at me at first. They called me a weasel, they refused to eat lunch with me, and they beat me up on a regular basis. In fact my reputation as a weasel followed me all the way into high school and college. I was stuffed into lockers, and had "KICK ME" signs taped to my back. I can't tell you the abuse I've suffered from practically every person I ever came in contact with. I didn't have a date till I was 23, but I didn't care about those things, because I knew that I had done the right thing. And in the end, I overcame all that abuse, and I grew up to become an Elementary School Principal. Wouldn't you like to become an Elementary School Principal?

Not really.

Principal Wartz

Ooh!

Harold

You told him, didn't you?

No, Harold.

Harold

You are lying. I saw you talking to Wartz. You told him it was me, and Stinky, and Sid, didn't you? Didn't you?!

No, Harold. I didn't.

Harold

Well, why not?!

Because it wouldn't be right.

Harold

But you got detention for four weeks, and you didn't even do anything. If I was you and you were me, I would have cracked the first day and ratted you out!

Well, maybe you would have, Harold, but I didn't, and I'm not going to. I gotta go. [Arnold leaves before Harold could answer.]

Principal Wartz

[to Harold; off-screen] Young Man?

Harold

Huh? Oh! Hello, Principal Wartz.

Principal Wartz

Hello, do you recognize anyone in this sketch?

Harold

No, sir. I don't. I really don't, not at all.

Principal Wartz

Okay. Well, keep up the good work, Son.

Harold

I sure will, Mr.— Principal Wartz.

He gave me four weeks detention.

But you didn't even do anything.

Harold

You better not tell, or I'll pound you.

Principal Wartz

Keep up the good work, Son.

Principal Wartz

Young Man, I hold here in my hand your Permanent Record. Now you still have a chance to save yourself. Just tell me who the real mooners are. Tell me their names, and I won't have to enter this terrible black mark on your Record.

I can't do that.

Principal Wartz

[to Arnold] You understand that your Permanent Record will follow you all the way to Junior High?

I understand.

Principal Wartz

And you still won't tell.

No.

Principal Wartz

Then, you leave me no choice.

Harold

I did it, it was me! I'm sorry, Arnold is completely innocent. I'm the mooner. I am the mooner! [sobs]

I am guilty, too. [sobs]

And me! We all did it together. [sobs]

Arnold had nothing to do with it.

Oh, he was just a pawn in a horrible, twisted prank!

Harold

He's a saint. He's a saint. [Arnold smiles]

Principal Wartz

Well, Young Man, I suppose this lets you off the hook... [closes the top of the permanent black marker] ...for now.

Harold

I had to do it. I just couldn't live with the guilt.

It's gonna go on your Permanent Record.

Harold

Yeah, I know, but I'd never figure I'd make it to Junior High anyways.

I feel so much better now that we fessed up.

Me too. I guess we didn't realize it, but deep down, the guilt was driving us crazy the whole time, you know, subconsciously.

Harold

Hey, Arnold, do you remember when I said you don't have any guts, 'cause you wouldn't moon Principal Wartz?

Yeah.

Harold

Why, you don't have any guts then, but after you showed up to Wartz and didn't rat us out, well, I figure that took a lot of guts. More guts than me and Sid and Stinky got put together.

Yeah, Arnold, you've got guts.

You are just chock full of guts.

Thanks.

Harold

Hey, guys, what do you say tomorrow, we'd make a great big old sign that says "KICK ME," and tape it to Mr. Simmons' back?

[giggles] What a great idea.

Everybody would be kicking him all day, and he won't get why!

I know if that's not such a great idea...

Principal Wartz

Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.

Phil

[imitating Wartz] Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.

Principal Wartz

Pardon me?

Phil

Pardon me?

Principal Wartz

Stop repeating what I say!

Phil

Stop repeating what I say!

Principal Wartz

That's it.

Phil

That's it.

Principal Wartz

[to a tough Grandpa Phil] Report to detention after the final bell.

Phil

Report this, Wartz! [pulls the fire alarm and walks off]

Principal Wartz

[turns off the alarm] That's it, I'm calling his parents!