[The episode opens with the opera house with a bus in front of it, and then switches to the other side of the bus to show students from P.S. 118 in a group with Mr. Packadam in front of them. Helga steps out of the bus with Phoebe following behind]
Humph! Opera, what a bunch of dorks! La-de-da-froo-froo ladies in wigs singing a lotta 2-dollar words about nothing, doi!
What a waste of a good field trip!
You said a mouthful, pal. Opera's for wimps!
[The students start yelling]
Kids, kids, listen! Feel the music. Here's the big finish! [hums, then sighs when the music stops] And that was Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". What do you think?
Boo!
That really bites!
Stinky, you are entitled to your opinion; but I bet by the time we're finished with this field trip; I'll make an opera lover of you yet! [rewinds on the boom box and presses play] And this is, of course, the song of Pagliacci, the crying clown.
[steps out] Look at me, I'm Pagliacci, the big, sad clown. Boo, hoo, hoo! Ha, ha, ha!
[The students laugh]
[pointing to the poster] And this is what we'll be seeing today. A classic tale of power and faithless love; the opera "Carmen".
Power and faithless love, huh? Ya got my attention.
The story centers around Carmen, the beautiful gypsy, [the students ooh and aah] who flirts with the young Spanish officer, Don José. [the students hoot] Don José is, how you say, charmed by Carmen, and lets her escape arrest for, um, how should I put this, causing harm to another girl.
Maybe this won't be so boring after all, Pheebs.
Oh, not boring at all, Helga. "Carmen" is a great story.
But Carmen forgets all about Don José the minute she sets her gypsy eyes on the torero Escamillo.
[confused] Torero? What's a torero?
You know, a toreador, a bullfighter! [pulls out a handkerchief and holds it in the air; Harold acts like a bull and runs into it; removes it and bows] Ole!
[The students cheer; the lights flicker]
Oh my gosh! Look, the show’s about to start. Everyone have your tickets ready.
[Everyone walks inside, but Helga sneaks behide a pillar)
[sneaks behind the pillar and spies on Arnold, along with Gerald, getting binoculars] Oh, Arnold, flamenco dancer stomping on the stage of my heart! Conquistador of my soul! With that, at this moment, I could know your heart's desire, my love. [Arnold aims his binoculars in the direction of Ruth, who's talking with Connie and Maria] Ruth! [cringes] Ruuuth! If only I can get that football-headed torero to feel that way about me! What am I doing wrong? What? [pushes usher out of the way] One side, moron!
[The students are on the balcony. Helga moves to her seat next to Gerald who is next to Arnold. As soon as Arnold and Gerald eat some caramels, the curtain opens to reveal the actors. Arnold leans closer to the edge, but then soon falls asleep]
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