Big Bob Pataki quotes from Hey Arnold!

Big Bob Pataki

Cheap piece of junk. I'll sell thousands of them.

Big Bob

Criminy, I'm a monster.

Big Bob Pataki

Ugh! Now the sun's going down. It's getting kind of cool up here. I think I should turn off this mis... [Turns knob and it explodes, sending Bob into a tree. Helga, Phoebe, Gerald, and Arnold ran up to Bob.]

Phoebe

Are you okay, Mr. Pataki?

Big Bob Pataki

Am I okay?! LOOK AT ME! The food's gone, my neck's burn, the mister doesn't work, and to top it all off — WE'RE LOST!

Helga

Lost?! I thought you knew where we were!

Big Bob Pataki

I've been lost ever since we saw those signs in Spanish.

[using his instincts] Camp, should be right... there! [the group cheers happily] But we've got to follow this path around because...

Big Bob

Forget the path, kid! Camp's right there! [runs through the tall bushes alone and back into the camp cheering to himself]

I was just going to say, because that's poison ivy.

Your word is "qualm".

Bob

[having seen everything] Qualm? She's heard that story a million times. She's got it. She's got it!

Helga

Let's see. Qualm. Q-U-A-L...

Bob

You got it!

Helga

[shrugs] X?

Bob

WHAT?!

That is incorrect. Arnold is the new champion.

Big Bob

[about Olga] She can't be moping all day.

Miriam

Yes she can... I do.

This time I'll be a 50% partner.

Big Bob Pataki

20.

40.

Big Bob Pataki

20.

30.

Big Bob Pataki

20.

Deal.

Bob

[thinking] Now I'm stuck with the girl. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week?

Helga

[thinking] Now I'm stuck with Big Bob. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week? [out loud] I'm going out.

Bob

Where are you going? When will you be back? Be careful crossing streets? [Walks back in, satisfied] I can take a week alone with her.

Helga

You don't know anything about me!

Bob

You're a kid, what's there to know?

Big Bob

[Thinking] Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.

Helga

[Thinking] Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.

Helga

Oh man, this guy's a total liar! If Olga marries him, her life will be ruined... Perfect!

Bob

So what's the stinkin' rush all about? get married in a year, if you still want to.

Miriam

You won't want to.

Olga

Mummy, Daddy, please don't be harsh.

It's okay, darling, your parents just need time to adjust.

Bob

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you little twist top, Big Bob Pataki doesn't adjust, you got it?

Helga

Daddy, it's not fair to have Olga choose between her true love and us.

Olga

[tearfully] Helga's right, Daddy, you're being an awful brute, and Mummy, you're not even trying to like Doug. I am so miserable. [runs off crying and weeping to her bedroom]

Helga

If I play my cards right I can get rid of Olga for good.

Big Bob

Hey, Helga, it's your little friend, Alfred, on the phone!

Helga

Arnold? Calling me? At my house?

Big Bob

Yeah, yeah, Arnold. Whatever. Anyway, he's on the phone for you!

Helga

[sarcastically] Yeah, yeah! An agreement sounds great. Have my people call your people and we'll draw up the papers! Yeah, in your dreams, Football Head! Like I'm ever going to agree with you about anything! And don't ever call me at my house ever again! EVER! [sighs and Big Bob opens her bedroom door and looks down to her confused, Helga looks up at him and laughs sheepishly]

Big Bob

I'm not even gonna ask... [leaves her room]

Big Bob

Not everyone is dressing like you?

Miriam

[dressed as Helga] Look, everyone, I'm the it girl.

Helga

I'm late for school and no one made my lunch.

Miriam

Oh, yeah, I did, honey, I put it out for you... it's... it's around here somewhere... [opens oven door] ...Oh, here it is!

Helga

Moist towelettes, an individual packet of crackers and... a can of shaving cream?

Miriam

How did that get in there? Uh-oh, uh-oh, that must mean the cheese fizz is in B's medicine cabinet.

Big Bob

[exclaims] How am I supposed to run a beeper empire with my face smelling like hickory smoked cheddar, Miriam?!