Raj quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Don't be scared, Raj! Jump in!

I was.

Everybody's polishing. You're just kinda standing there. You're blowing it with me over here. The one guy who had your back, and you're blowing it!

Oh, please! (interview) Trevor, he's–he's really not a nice person, and... he's also being very mean!

(to Raj) What do you want us to do with you?

Just leave me alone! (interview) I'm a professional chef. I'm working with a bunch of kids! I'm in a situation where it's me versus them.

[inspects glass Raj just cleaned] Water marks. (chuckles) Water marks! Raj, seriously? I mean, can you not see that? Are you gonna look?

Just do his glasses over.

That's not fair!

Just do it over!

(to the guys) This is harassment now.

Raj? Raj? Just give up halfway?

No, I just wanted to cover it.

Give me the fucking wrap. (interview) I've tried everything I can with this big, dumb animal and it's just–it's frustrating. It's tiring. (to Vinny) It's bullshit that he's even still here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait.

You might have been cooking the longest. Obviously, you've cooked in shit restaurants for the last 30 years.

Unfair.

What's unfair about it?! You suck!

And you tanked us.

You guys are going to keep going with it?

Yes! Until it gets through that thick skull of yours!

(interview) Trevor's harassing me for no reason, and he's being more of a problem than a solution. (to Trev and Vinny) You guys seem to be targeting me in a vicious fashion. You got something about me, because I'm older?

Go home, Raj! Just go home. Go home and stuff yourself with Twinkies so you have a fucking heart attack on your recliner!

Oh, so now you're going to make fun of my weight?

We got to figure out what you're good at. You got to be good at something, right? Aside from sleeping and fucking eating and running your goddamn jaw. You got to be good at something! Mr. "I'm a chef and I'm almost 50. I got more experience than everybody." What the fuck have you done so far?! You're fucking dilly-dallying in the fucking pastry section, and the shit you've cooked doesn't even work–

Shut up! [Snaps and gets in Trev's face] SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Or what?

Guys, guys, guys! Come on!

I said shut up! Just shut up!

Or what?!

Fuck all you motherfuckers! YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF SNAKES! [to Trev] YOU FUCKIN' SNAKE! (interview) I'm being targeted, I'm being harassed, and I'm really at the point where I don't know what to do!

Raj, can I have a word with you?

I'm tired, dammit!

Just one minute? Listen to me. Listen to me. Raj, please! Raj! Raj! [takes Raj into the hallway] We need listen and work together! (interview) I don't want to see anybody getting hurt. I don't want to see anyone throwing it off, because we need every man on our team. Including Raj.

You gotta listen to me. You alright? (interview) But... that guy is fucking nuts!

Raj, haven't given up on you. However, push it tonight.

Yes, chef.

Come back.

Yes, chef.

And stay out the fucking fridge.

Yes, chef.

While the blue team...

Salmon!

The salmon's ready.

...has moved on to entrées.

And it's perfect! (interview) I have personally cooked thousands and thousands and thousands of pieces of salmon in my life.

What's that in there? Wh-what...?

That's not grilled.

Oh, dear. Raj! What's that? What is that stock he's putting in that salmon?

It's supposed be grilled, dude.

Yeah, I grilled it, and then I finished it with a little bit of sauce.

No sauce, bro. [Gordon drains the contents of the pan onto Raj's worktop and drops the pan] C'mon, get another one going, bro!

(interview) My personal techniques are not working for Chef Ramsay.

Disgusting!

(interview) He's the chef, it's his opinion, and I have zero opinion.

Start over.

Raj's cooking techniques aren't cutting in with Chef Ramsay. And in the Red kitchen...

(with an overcooked Dover Sole) Melissa, it's overcooked!

...neither are Melissa's.

Out it comes, look at that. Overcooked on the bottom, crispy as fuck, and it looks like Gandhi's flip-flop! (drops the Dover Sole) What a shame!

(interview) I don't know where he comes up with this stuff! Gandhi didn't even wear flip-flops, he lived in the jungle, I don't think the dude even had shoes.

Look it underneath! [knocks his hand on the workstation]

(interview) Shit!

As Melissa starts over with her Dover sole, guests on both sides of the dining room continue to wait, but not for long. In the blue kitchen...

Where's the salmon?!

T-two seconds.

Raj is ready with his second attempt on the salmon.

Two seconds! One, two!

I mean uhm, thirty sec-I mean, uhm, one minute.

Well... almost ready.

Just concentrate. I don't want a blah-blah-blah.

I'm sorry to say that, but it's true.

What a fucking bozo!

Here it is. Here it is. [brings his salmon to the pass, Gordon checks it; finds that it's raw]

Oh, dear. Raj! Come here you. It's, raw. [angrily smashes the raw salmon] It's fucking RAW!!!

(interview) Come on, man!

IT'S RAW!!!

(interview) The guy can't change his underwear the right way.

We haven't even served the fucking entrée, but I need to get food out!

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Chef, can I—would you mind if I said something, chef, or no?

[plugs his ears] Not to me, you're not.

No, don't say a damn thing. Just finish your tickets.

You know the salmon I gave you that you smashed, right? (interview) I'm not this timid man who's just going to sit back and just say, "Okay, chef." [to Gordon] You know, I'm going to try to make a case for myself. Really, chef, really.

We're in the middle of service right now and I just want food. SHUT IT!

(interview) But, um... it's-it's hard. (to his team mates) I got it now. Go ahead! Go, go!

Hey, what do you think this is? A talk show?!

No, no.

COOK YOUR FUCKING DISH, AND SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH!!

Yes, chef.

Vinny, get a piece of salmon on there, yes?

Yes, chef. (interview) Raj just cannot cook at all, anything, ever. (to Russell) Give me a time. (interview) So I have to go over and do it for him. (brings Raj's salmon to the pass) Hot behind, salmon on the pass.

Perfect, let's go.

Thanks to Vinny, Raj's salmon is finally on its way out to the dining room.

Chef, hold on. (on his wellingtons) It's raw.

Oh, come on.

I can't give you raw meat. I'm sorry chef.

Thanks to Boris, no food is leaving the Blue kitchen.

There you go, send it back.

But thanks to Raj, none of them are going to waste.

(interview) I see all this food, and it looks delicious, so I just, you know, ate it.

Raj, please don't do that.

Look, he's eating it, look! Haven't you got enough in there?

But that's so good! It's really a waste.

Wow!

No. I mean — just a quick little bite. It's really tasty.

Ah, fucking hell.

(interview) How could Chef Ramsay blame me for eating this delicious food? It's fantastic.

While Raj has snack time in the blue kitchen over in the Red kitchen, Gail... [cuts to Gail staring in space]

Gail!

...has nap time.

Wakey-wakey! (sees Gail's meat pan catching fire) You're on fire.

(interview) Oh, my God! There's flames shooting up! And Gail was (sticks her tongue out in disgust) nothing. Nothing's happening.

Gail, out the way! Oh my God. [removes the pan off the burner and throws it into the sink; gets the burnt rib-eye beef] Gail, I think your pan's a bit too hot. [throws the rib-eye back in the sink] You've lost it.

I haven't lost it.

Yes, you - look, you've given up. Body language, face, attitude, you've given up. Anyone that can stand there, and watch a piece of rib-eye beef SET ON FIRE is out of control! You've given up.

Back in the blue kitchen...

Up to the pass with the halibut. (brings his halibut to the pass)

Raj is eager to finally impress Chef Ramsay.

Sorry about the delay, let's go.

(interview) HIIYYYYAAAHHHH! HAH!

Maybe, a little too eager.

[finds that Raj has cooked three other Dover soles] How many have you cooked? One, two, three. Oh my God.

(interview) When I get busy, I just start firing everything. So when they need it, I got it.

What are you doing? Playing the odds? Maybe one will be good out of three?

(interview) But this is Chef Ramsay's kitchen, you can't do that.

Why would I try to fire three tables?

Uhm, yes. Uhm...

(disgusted) Donkey.

Dude, you can't serve this to anybody. He's not going to take that. (interview) Raj cooks three Dover soles before they were even remotely close to... to needing them.

SOLE SPECIAL!

Chef, we ran out of the sole special.

What... [reaches for a ticket] I've got three on OR-DER?!?!

(interview) We ran out of Dover sole? Oh, man. This is going to be real ugly.

Oh, no... [goes near the door and sits in fetal position]

(interview) This sucks. Embarrassing! Fuck!

(interview) It's a very bad situation. I don't know what we're going to do. I think we have to figure something out quickly.

[to Raj] Get out there and tell them you're dragging two! And you go to the customers and tell them you fucked it up!

I need another jacket, though. I can't go out there with this jacket.

Hey come—come here you. If I tell you to get out there, I don't give a fuck if you've got a thong on your fat crack, get out there!

I can't, with this thing. I can't, I'm sorry, chef.

Hey, hey, listen. Fuck off out there, will you?

[removes his apron and goes over to Chef Scott] I can't put this—

PUT IT DOWN, AND GET OUT THERE!

[leaves the kitchen and goes to the diners to apologize] (interview) Couple of things are going to my head. [talks to hungry diners] Hi, my name is Raj.

How's it going back there?

(interview) My God, look at this, I'm a star. [talks to the diners again] I'm terribly sorry, but we ran out of the sole special. (interview) Then the next thing you know, look at this, I'm an idiot. So it's this elation and then this degration. All at the same time. [to the diners] We have other nice fish, though, if you'd like to try that instead.

Sabrina, tell me very quickly, why you should stay in Hell's Kitchen.

I don't think that I should go home. I shouldn't be here, Melissa should be here. Who has been consistently horrible? The executive chef, right there! Emily, yeah, she fucked up and she sucks, but at least she hasn't done as horribly as Melissa.

Take a big, deep breath. I want to know why you think you should stay in Hell's Kitchen, yeah? You.

I'm here to learn, and I'm here to grow. I have bigger balls and more determination than any of these fucking girls here! All of them put together chef!

Okay, this is a very difficult decision. The person leaving Hell's Kitchen is... [a pause, then points to the blue team, who won the night's service] Raj. Get your arse over here. [Raj stands up and goes to Gordon, while the assembled Red and Blue team members laugh at him] You, big boy, are out of your league, big time. And I personally can't go an inch further. Jacket. [Raj hands over his jacket, then goes in the direction of Gordon's office; Gordon points him to the actual exit] There's the door there, big boy.

[outside the restaurant] I can't believe it. It's just a shock. I didn't get along with anybody. I didn't get along with Chef Ramsay. I didn't get along with Scott. I didn't like the menu. But it was a great experience. I had a great time, and I'm really glad I did it.

[to the blue team] Relieved?

Oh, man. That was like a reward, bro. Thank you.