Brittany, I've always thought you were super hot and really smart, but what I didn't know was that you were going to end up being my soul mate. Who knows what the future holds for us. Probably tsunamis and horrible sea monsters. But I'm not worried about that because I have you.
Sam, when you first joined the glee club, I didn't notice for a while. It wasn't until you did a Rich Little impression and then told me it was a Rich Little impression and then explained who Rich Little was that I knew you were special. And I can't tell you how excited I am to become your Mayan star-wife.
[to Puck] Look, I usually avoid dating Jewish guys on account of your people killing my Jesus. I was willing to make an exception because of your biceps, but I'm gonna have to end this little experiment in religious tolerance if you don't stop dancing like an idiot.
My first week at NYADA and the most surprising thing about college is it's just like high school. It's all about the cliques. The stage combat majors are the jocks. The classical acting majors are the preps. The ballerinas are the mean girls. And if they're at the top of the social pyramid, then once again, I'm at the bottom.
[to Jake] Chicks dig hot guys who are willing to get naked for a calendar, but what they're really looking for is a guy who will get naked emotionally.
As performers, that's a question that we're all gonna have to face. If you want to win an Oscar, you have to show your boobs. Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connolly, Kathy Bates.
I seem to recall a rumor about a certain cheerleading coach at this school who once took horse estrogen and posed for Penthouse back in the day. So maybe I can just track that down and make a few copies and sell those to raise money for Regionals.
That's nothing but a rumor. But if that rumor were true, my Penthouse centerfold so groundbreaking that it completely redefined the term 'hirsute,' and gave birth unto these United States a pose so limber, they named it the Regal American Not-So-Bald Spread Eagle, I promise you, my friend, you would never find it.
[to Rachel] You are a diva. And you have been a nightmare. But you're not a diva because you're a nightmare. You're a diva because you're talented, and ambitious, and because no one else in the world can do what you, Rachel Berry, can do. That's what being a diva's all about. Being an original. One of a kind. So hold the nightmare, but bring the diva.
In honor of Diva week, let's just cut the crap and keep it real. Tina Cohen-Chang deserves better. I got upstaged yet again by Santana and she doesn't even go to school here.
Blaine, I'm falling in love with you. And I realize that this could be a tragic, one-way thing. But even if we end up having just a sexless relationship, which many Asian girls and gay men do, it'd be worth it.
Today is the day we honor St. Valentine, a man publicly beheaded for defying his government by exchanging candies and chocolates to nonsensically render the objects of our affection more fat and less attractive.
Um, Sue, I feel really scared. I feel really overwhelmed. I feel like I can't think straight. I'm just really, really worried that this isn't going to work.
Well, of course it isn't going to work. You're a weird bird lady with a hollow pelvis and OCD. And Will Schuester is a weepy man-child whose greatest joy in life is singing with children. And his best friend? Nineteen.
