[to Finn] How many times do we got to go through this? You being a jock and being in this glee club does not make you versatile; it makes you bisexual.
S1 E20Theatricality
And ladies, I don't want to hear about chafing just because you're being forced to wear metal underwear. Not my problem.
Artie [to Tina who is in non-Goth clothes] It's so weird.
This so isn't you.
I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.
Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Biker chick?
Cowgirl?
Hoodrat.
Computer programmer?
Cross-country skier.
PPuck
Catholic schoolgirl?
Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.
PPuck
Wait, where's Rachel? I mean, I only noticed because, like, five minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious.
Rachel got some intense news yesterday.
We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline when-
Guys! It's not right to spy...but what did you find out?
Okay, y'all ready? Ms. Corcoran, the Vocal Adrenaline coach... she's Rachel's mom.
Are you serious?
PPuck
We're screwed. Rachel's going to jump ship for Vocal Adrenaline.
(Rachel walks in)
Never. I'm still processing the news and my dads have arranged for a therapist this afternoon.
[To Rachel] You look terrible. I look awesome.
(a toy falls off of Rachel's dress)
And we have a jumper.
We live in Ohio – not New York, or San Francisco, or some other city where people eat vegetables that aren't fried. I don't understand why you always need to make such a big spectacle of yourself. Why can't you just work harder at blending in?
I'm sure that'd be easier for you.
When I was in high school, I had a whole year where I dressed as exactly like Kurt Cobain. I mean, come on. There has to be someone who you used to dress like.
PFPincipal Figgins
Yes. For several years in my early twenties, I dressed up as Elvis. But he was a Christian, Will! And he did not possess the ability to transform into a bat!
(whispering to Will) I think he thinks vampires are real.
I think you're right
My parents won't even let me watch "Twilight". My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.
Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?
Isn't that against the rules?
No, not at all. Or…probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights!
Oh, no.
Which led me to the fabric store. I asked about red Chantilly lace; they were sold out.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Oh, my.
What?
They're doing Gaga.
That's it; it's over.
Exactly!
We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!
PPuck
What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?
Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation, and she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
It's true.
[referring to her Gaga dress] My balls keep falling off.
I've been there.
PPuck
They called Paul Stanley 'The Starchild' because he was romantic or something but that doesn't really explain my whore lips.
PPuck
While Jackie Daniels is a great name for like a power boat or something, it's not right for a baby girl.
PPuck
[to Quinn] I know you're giving her up, but before you do I think you should name her Beth. If you'll let me, I'd really like to be there when she's born. I'd really like to meet her.
So go on. Hit me.
I believe I will.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.