Kurt Hummel quotes from Glee

Kurt

It will give me a great opportunity to break out my Banana Republic Mad Men outfit.

Mercedes

Have you ever kissed anybody?

Kurt

Yes. If by somebody you mean the tender crook of my elbow.

Can you do that with a game on the line, and ten gorillas bearing down on you wanting nothing more than to taste your sweet virgin blood?

Kurt

Sounds like fun. Can I have my music?

If you can kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care.

Emma

Kurt, I'm a girl who knows her solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol.

Kurt

Oh, Bambi... I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.

Kurt

How do you explain the constant irritation with you. It's because she's a girl.

Finn

I think it's the pregnancy hormones or something. They make her kinda nuts.

Will

Hey, come on, come on. Get off him! Knock it off! Get off! Get off! Hey.

Finn

[to Puck] TELL THE TRUTH!

Punk just walked in and sucker punched me.

Finn

Don’t play dumb– you’re too freaking dumb to play dumb!

Will

Come on!

Quinn

Who told you this, Finn?

Kurt

Obviously, it was Rachel.

Rachel

What? I didn't do anything.

Finn

Yeah, it was Rachel, but I want to hear it from you. I want to hear it from both of you.

Will

Finn, just calm down.

Finn

NO! THEY'RE BOTH LYING TO ME! [to Quinn] Is it true? Just tell me– is it true?

Quinn

[begins to cry] Yes. Puck is the father.

Finn

So, all… All that stuff in the hot tub… You just made that up?

You were stupid enough to buy it.

Will

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Quinn

[sobbing] I am so sorry.

Finn

Screw this. I’m done with you. I’m done with… I'M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU! [kicks a chair and leaves the room while Quinn tearfully looks on]

Kurt

What do boys taste like?

Brittany

Usually dip…sometimes, it tastes like burgers. Or my armpits – kissing my armpits is a really big turn-on for me.

Kurt

Yeah, you don't want to be late for your appointment at Supercuts!

Azimio

Watch your mouth, homo!

And you know what, fancy? You don't need an appointment at Supercuts; they love walk-ins!

Brittany

[To Rachel] You look terrible. I look awesome.

Kurt

And we have a jumper.

Finn

We live in Ohio – not New York, or San Francisco, or some other city where people eat vegetables that aren't fried. I don't understand why you always need to make such a big spectacle of yourself. Why can't you just work harder at blending in?

Kurt

I'm sure that'd be easier for you.

Rachel

Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?

Artie

Isn't that against the rules?

Rachel

No, not at all. Or…probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights!

Tina

Oh, no.

Rachel

Which led me to the fabric store. I asked about red Chantilly lace; they were sold out.

Mercedes

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Kurt

Oh, my.

Will

What?

Kurt

They're doing Gaga.

Mercedes

That's it; it's over.

Rachel

Exactly!

Kurt

We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!

What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?

Kurt

Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation, and she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.

Brittany

It's true.

Tina

[referring to her Gaga dress] My balls keep falling off.

Kurt

I've been there.

Kurt

So go on. Hit me.

I believe I will.

Kurt

Could you have a word with Azimio and Karofsky about harassing me without damaging my Gaga outfit?

Finn

Are you serious? Do you know how difficult it is with those guys? They already think we're boyfriends.

Kurt

I thought the boys KISS number was good, although the lyrics left something to be desired.

Tina

Finn kept sticking his tongue out and I couldn't stop picturing him licking things. It was disturbing.