Hasegawa quotes from Gin Tama

Okita

You know, you're just an idiot who can't fool anyone [mattaku damasenai otoboke]. Abbreviating, a madao.

Hijikata

Now get stripped!

Hasegawa

[narrating] In the end, wherever I went, I was a madao.

Gintoki

I'm so bored... Can you make the ride for free?

Hasegawa

Stop joking around. I'm making a living off of this.

Gintoki

Whatever. Just take me past the horizon.

Hasegawa

What are you, my bride?

Gintoki

So, how's the new job?

Hasegawa

It was fine until you came around.

Gintoki

Not long before you were at the gates of death. Now you're looking way better.

Hasegawa

Stop bothering me. Nothing's changed. I've got a new job, but no purpose in life. I still can't see anything ahead of me.

Gintoki

Well, ain't that the same for everyone? If you look for it persistently, soon you'll find it.

Hasegawa

Nah, I don't think so. You and me are the only demotivated people in this anime.

You've got to be kidding me!!! First you tear off my lure, and now you want to return?! Are you serious?! I have to see a panda today, no matter what!!!

Hasegawa

C'mon now, you'd rather see a panda than helping Earthl people out? A human baby's pretty cute, you know.

What do I care?!? Why should I feel anything for a bunch of malnourished, rancid monkeys?! Why should I give a damn to what happens to one or two human babies? Just who do you think I am?!!

Gintoki

[grabbing the Prince by his face] Who do you think you are? You're just an agent.

Hasegawa

You'd better stop. What do you think you're doing to the Prince, you bastard? [Gintoki glares at him.] I see, Your Highness. You'll be glad to see a panda, right? Now that I remember, there's one close by.

Eh? Really? Where?

Hasegawa

Just look in a mirror in the morning!!! [punches the Prince through the rear window.]

Kagura

Hey, mister. It's been a while since we've met. Why'd you come back?

Hasegawa

Oh, it's because I was fired again.

Kagura

Why were you fired again?

Hasegawa

Well... I decided to follow my principles. But I'm not upset, 'cause even though I ain't of much use, I've decided to live my life the way I want.

Kagura

What do you think you're doing, unemployed and joking around with a girl? [starts leaving.] C'mon, Sadaharu. See ya, old fart who lives the way he wants without getting anything [massugu ikitemo da inashi-na jinsei-na ossan]. Or madao, to shorten it.

Hasegawa

[smirks, as Kagura leaves.] Somehow, that still doesn't quite sound good.

Kagura

So, you'll give me anything I can shoot at?

Hasegawa

Yeah, if you can hit it! Aim carefully...

Kagura

Gimme the shades, old fart.

Hasegawa

You got it all wrong! You're supposed to aim at these things right-- [gets his watch shot.]

Okita

[brandishing another rifle.] Give me the watch. [stares at Kagura.]

Hasegawa

Heeey, wait a second! Hold on! I know I said I'd give you anything you'd hit, but not my own things! You hear?! [Kagura and Okita point at him and start shooting as Shinpachi watches.]

Kagura

Got your beard!

Okita

Got your overcoat.

Kagura

Got one of your nipples!

Gintoki

I see you're sweating a lot. Did you lose again?

Hasegawa

Uh... No! It's just that it's hot today, huh? But I see you too are sweating... Maybe it's you who's lost.

Gintoki

[hyped, points towards the sun] It's hot!!! It's way too hot today! Hey, sun! Give me a damn break, dumbass!

Gintoki

Okay then guys, let's do our best!

Yaaay!

Gintoki

[rousing] We're not going just to have fun! We're going to fight! Even if the waves crash upon us, we've got to win! What's up with you? You wanna go for a picnic? We need at least 300 yen to have a snack, and right now we don't have 300 yen! You hear me?

Kagura

Captain! We can buy 400 corn cobs with that!

Hasegawa

Eh? Really? Can you really eat that much?

Shinpachi

Kagura-chan, stop screwing up math!

Gintoki

Geez, after you [Otae] looked so high and mighty as if you had a great idea, all you could think about was hitch a ride?

Kagura

I know! I'll make the cars stop with a sexy wink!

Hasegawa

All right! I'll use my beautiful thighs to make them stop! [pulls up his pants]

Shinpachi

You'd better can it, Hasegawa-san. Even if any car stopped, it wouldn't stop to see that.

Hasegawa

In a deserted beach, with a monster and three "beach samurai" on it... [sits up] If we can't protect the sea, then who can? When you're feeling down, how do you do to feel better? You can say there's two kinds of things men do to feel better: [takes a smoke from his cigarette. Gintoki and Shinpachi stare, uninterested] One is looking at someone who's feeling worse to make sure he's alright. The other is looking at something much bigger to see his problems are meaningless. I belong to the second kind. [flashback] Whenever I find myself in hard times, I look at the sea to remember how meaningless I am. [another flashback, Hasegawa is pissing from a cliff over the sea as a woman looks on in embarrassment] It was also looking at the sea that I met my wife, Hatsu. Do you understand? The sea is both book and teacher to me. Everybody has a place closer to their hearts. Even if I keep changing jobs, my heart will stay here. Work is just a little something that helps me live through the days. But it's got nothing to do with money. That's what I was born for. Can you guys understand this feeling?

Shinpachi

Is that true, sister?

Otae

Yes, I talked to the city officers, and they said they will reward us if we can get rid of the alien.

Hasegawa

Hey, are you listening to--

Gintoki

Well then, let's just do that.

Hasegawa

Hey, how about my feel--

Gintoki

Okay, let's go.

Hasegawa

Hey miss, you understand my feelings, don't you?

Otae

[unwrapping her obento] Yes, I do.

Hasegawa

Ah. Thanks, mis-- [Otae offers him the obento, containing unrecognizable piles of ashes]

Otae

If you feel like, pick one for yourself. I made these fried eggs this morning.

Hasegawa

Eh? Uh... Well...

Otae

I'm sure you can't do anything on an empty stomach.

Otae

Don't you want to get the other one?

Hasegawa

Eh... Uh... No thanks, I'm full.

Kagura

[carrying a large boulder] Oh boy, can they swim.

Hasegawa

Hey girl, what are you gonna do? Where'd you get that?

Kagura

[straight-faced] Instead of watching others being happy, I'd much rather destroy them.

Hasegawa

[after he sees the sea monster coming] Hey guys, run away! It's a double punch! Two dangerous things are going your way!

Gintoki

What's he saying?

Shinpachi

"Double pants"? I wonder if he forgot to bring an extra pair of pants? (in Japanese, daburu pantsu - "double panties")

Hasegawa

So that's how it was. Well, maybe it was its love for the sea that influenced it.

Gintoki

Men don't need to speak the same language. They can communicate on a spiritual level.

Hasegawa

Even though it looked ugly, on the inside it wasn't. It just wanted to play, I guess. I'm sure of this: every creature of the sea is good. [stands up and starts leaving] When we live close to the sea, the dirt that covers us all is washed away.

Gintoki

Dirt, eh? Somehow, this still looks pretty dirty. [cut to the newspaper Gintoki is reading. There is a story on it about the sea monster playing with kids]. Hmph. So what? [throws the newspaper away]