Hijikata quotes from Gin Tama

Hijikata

[thinking] Could it be that he doesn’t want to hurt me, even when his very life is in peril?

Hijikata

No matter what mistakes he may make, I have to protect him. If you don’t like it, you can get out. I’ll never leave him.

Okita

Goodbye, vice captain. Why don’t you suck on some mayonnaise in the afterlife? [he shoots, blowing up the whole wall]

Hijikata

[straightening up from being bent down] Oi Sougo, just what do you think you’re doing? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

Okita

Oh, no. It was just a joke. A joke! I’m always doing it, aren’t I?

Hijikata

You’re always trying to kill me?

Kondo

Oh, so this is the blueprint.

Kondo Isao. He’s the terrifying captain of the Shinsengumi.

Kondo

By the way, Hijikata, I don’t understand a bit of it.

Hijikata

I’ve been talking for ten minutes about how it’s a blueprint for an Amanto machine, Kondo-san.

Kondo

Oh yes, that’s right. Some kind of machine, is it?

Hijikata

So there’s someone here in Edo who wants to use that device to power some evil machination.

Kondo

[gasps] But wait…[dramatic pause] What’s an evil machination?

Hijikata

Territorial law, huh?

Kondo

Dammit! [looks at Hijikata] But…what’s territorial law?

If you really want to get into the house, then come back with the proper paperwork.

Wahahaha!

Kondo

[to Okita] Hey, what are you doing?

Okita

[aiming for the house with his bazooka] Well, if this house no longer exists, we can go inside, right?

Hijikata

Who are you? Ikkyuu-san?

Hijikata

Hey, wake up, Okita! How could you sleep through that blast there?

Okita

You mean that we failed again to prevent a bombing? What are you doing, Hijikata-san? You should take this job more seriously.

Hijikata

Shall I put you to sleep, ingrate?

Hijikata

Hey, there’s no reason to run. This is your first fight in a while. Enjoy it.

Gintoki

Hey, are you really the leader here? What are you swinging at? You’re wide open.

Hijikata

Who’re you to comment on my swordplay? I’ll eat you up like the salmon you are!

Gintoki

So be it. I can fight if it comes to it.

Hijikata

Don’t give me that! [tries to hit him] You’re not bad. There aren’t many who can dodge that strike.

Gintoki

That was close. What would’ve happened if you’d hit me?

Hijikata

You idiot! I’m trying to hit you!

Okita

Watch out, Hijikata. [shoots his bazooka] Are you alive, Hijikata-san?

Hijikata

You idiot, are you trying to kill me?!

Okita

Damn, missed again, huh?

Hijikata

Missed?! What the hell do you mean, ‘missed’?!

Okita

Come on out. We’ll seriously fire here. Hijikata-san, if we don’t hurry, we’re going to miss our TV drama reruns.

Hijikata

Crap. I forgot to set the VCR. We’d better hurry up here. Prepare to fire!

Hijikata

What are you doing? Stop them!

Gintoki

If you’re going to stop something, stop this bomb! Don’t you have a bomb squad or something?!

Hijikata

Hurry up! We’ve still got time!

TV drama reruns!

Okita

We just made it.

Hijikata

Ok.

We interrupt this broadcast for a special report….

Uwaaa!!!!

Hijikata

Sensei? I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in class.

Gintoki

This isn’t a cigarette. It’s just a lollipop.

Hijikata

Lollipops don’t make any smoke.

Gintoki

No, that’s just cuz it’s so lollied. [takes out the lollipop] All right, we’ll continue tomorrow. I hope you took notes. That’s all.

Shinpachi

I’m getting out of here.

Hijikata

Let me introduce us...the Shinsengumi!!

Shinsengumi? What the hell do you mean, 'introduction'? Why do you have a camera crew with you?

Hijikata

What about you? Singing karaoke while plotting to overthrow the government?! Capture them all.

[voiceover] We, as investigative reporters, will follow the Shinsengumi 24 hours a day, and bring the truth of their organization to light!

Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!

Hijikata

Right about now, he's probably either talking to some government bigwigs, or practicing his swordsmanship alone...

Kondo

[talking to Otae] I'm such a pitiful wreck. There's no way any woman would go for me. I'm just no good.

Hijikata

Come on, put some muscle into it! I'll beat the shit outta anyone who slacks off!

That damn vice-commander...if the vice-commander were the commander, we'd be in a grave situation. [commander sounds the same as gravity/solemnity in Japanese]

Yamazaki

Come on, 10 in the morning is a little early, don't you think?

Hijikata

You maggot! Man can do anything he puts his mind to!

Yamazaki

[swinging a badminton racket] We're not putting our minds to it. We're just faking it.

Hijikata

Are you swinging that thing around again?! [kicks Yamazaki]