Hasegawa quotes from Gin Tama

Gintoki

Sorry, I mistook you. Let’s start over. [turns and walks into the house]

Hasegawa

Wait…[points a gun at the back of Gintoki’s head] You’re that yorozuya, aren’t you? You’re coming with us.

Gintoki

Sorry, but mommy always told me to never go with strangers.

Hasegawa

And didn’t she ever tell you to do what officers of the law ask?

Pace is like family to me!

Gintoki

Then you go look for him, stupid princeling!

Hasegawa

Shut up! He may be an idiot, but he’s still a prince!

Kagura

A strong woman would forget about past relationships and prepare herself for a new love.

Hasegawa

I didn’t get dumped, and I’m not a woman! I’m saying he’s a prince! A prince!!

Shinpachi

I see, he’s a prince because he’s an idiot.

Hasegawa

No, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Kagura

I see, He’s an idiot even though he’s a prince.

Gintoki

So he’s an idiotic prince.

Hasegawa

No, retard, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Come on, cretins! Don’t call the idiot an idiotic prince! You’ll hurt his feelings!

You’re calling me an idiot too?

Hasegawa

This thing’s dead! I thought I told you to bring it unharmed, not one-dimensional!

Gintoki

It’s all right. I’m sure he just wanted to see it again for closure anyway. It’s always something like that.

Kagura

It got so flattened after we squished it with a pot…what a weakling!

Hasegawa

You squashed it?!

Gintoki

It’s not dead yet. It’s undead.

Hasegawa

Who the hell wants an undead octopus?!

Pace is back to his old self!

Kagura

I can eat all of that!

Gintoki

See, it is alive.

Hasegawa

We won’t be soon, though!

Hasegawa

What is more important to you, one man’s life or those of an entire country?

Gintoki

I don’t want to think about it!

Hasegawa

Living by divine providence…That’s like something a little kid would say. Come to think of it, my mom always said… ‘You’re slouching. Stand up straight.’

Gintoki

[in flashback] Is it fun for you to do this?

Hasegawa

Mom, am I really doing what I should be?

Hey, listen to me! If you don’t do something about this, I’ll report it to my father…

Hasegawa

Shut the fuck up.

Third year, class Z, Ginpachi sensei!

Gintoki

All right, take out your textbooks. Today, Shimura's [Otae] recorder was stolen. The culprit may be in another class, but then it'd be hard to find, so I decided to look for it in this class. Whoever stole it, raise your hand. It's fine if it's a lie. If you admit it, I'll let you off with just playing one line of 'Give me Wings' on it.

Hijikata

Sensei! If we do that, we'll be ruined musically for the rest of our lives! Please, if you must have us play, make it be the famous fight song 'Bring it On.'

Gintoki

All right then, play the fight son 'Bring it On.'

Hasegawa

Hey, sensei, I don't get it...wait, that's not even a song.

Gintoki

All right, fine. I'll play it. Someone lend me their recorder.

Hasegawa

You may still be young, kiddo, but remember to think about the consequences before you do anything. Life's pretty long, you know.

Kagura

I don't want no advice from a loser like you. [starts to leave] See ya, good-for-nothing old fart [maru de dame na ossan]. Or madao, to shorten it. C'mon, Sadaharu.

Hasegawa

Hey, hey! You're burning, you're burning!

Yeah. The desire for responsibility is burning inside of me.

Hasegawa

That's not it! Your head is in flames!

Oh? Eh... [notices the fire] Aaaaahhh! [spins around in panic] What'll I do?! What'll I do?!

Mr. Shoji Gindo? It's time for your interview-- [sudden deep voice] He's on fire!

[standing straight, nervously] I promise to put my burning passion in my work for this company starting now!!

You're not employed yet!!! [splashes the man with water]

Hasegawa

Well, well, since you work for this company, I suppose I can get relieved. So, for old times' sake, wouldn't you have some nice job there? [gets stomped on the head]

Is that for real??

Hasegawa

Wh-what? Onishi-kun!

Damn you, Hasegawa! Am I supposed to deal with you like you used to deal with me? [flashbacks show Hasegawa beating Onishi up]

Hasegawa

No... That-those were superior orders--

Shut the fuck up! If you wanna work here, you should take me as a role model and lose the beard, dickhead!

Hasegawa

My-my beard?!

And while you're at it, take off those shades too!

Hasegawa

No! Leave the shades alone!

So you want a job, but you don't wanna sacrifice yourself for it? I get it. You're really the old-timer kind [maji de dassai oyaji] - in short, a madao.

Can't you do anything about that hairdo and the shades? They make you seem like an old guy with a taste for old stuff [massa ni datsuou na oji-san], in other words, a madao.

Your breath's bad and the shades are a bit... Gee, they make you seem like a depraved old fart [mattaku, darakushite ossan], or a madao, if we abbreviate.

Hasegawa

Wherever I went, it was "madao" this, "madao" that. [he then remembers being at a soba stand]

Hey, old guy? What the hell's with this horrible bean soup [mazui dashi to oage]? Or madao for short?

Hasegawa

Shut it!!! [Hasegawa knocks the man out.] What the hell's wrong with being a madao?!

Otose

Hey mister, we're closing.

Hasegawa

Aah, can't you let me drink just a bit more? I wanna find a place where I can stay away from the reality that suffocates me.

Otose

I just hope you don't puke out whatever's suffocating you, 'cause it's probably something you ate. And take off those sunglasses, or you'll catch a cold.

Hasegawa

Shaddup! I'm okay.

Otose

What are you saying? You're obviously not okay, mister [mattaku daijobu ja nai okyaku] - shortening, madao.

Katsura

Mister, please wait a second.

Hasegawa

What do you want from me, monk?

Katsura

It's not monk; it's Katsura. This may be a bit sudden, but how would you like to hold up your sword and forge a new future for Japan?

Hasegawa

What the hell are you saying so early in the-- [a rocket explodes next to them.]

Katsura

We'd better run for now. [fleeing from the Shinsengumi]

Hasegawa

Wh-what's that mean, brother?

Katsura

It's not brother! It's Katsura!!!

Hasegawa

I'm telling you, I'm a former agent of the Alien Affairs Bureau! Hasegawa! Check your records and you'll see!

Hijikata

Make up some believable lies at least.

Hasegawa

It's true, damnit!

Okita

Well, I guess we'll have to strip you naked to find out.