Kondo quotes from Gin Tama

Kondo

I’ve told you before, he’s not one to trust, Otae-san. No trustworthy man has eyes that look like a dead fish’s eyes.

Kondo

[with a bandage on his bloated face] All right, let’s put on our ‘work hard’ helmets and protect this city!

Kondo

If you see anyone in trouble, be it good guy or bad guy, you should help them out. This is something all humans should do.

Kondo

Monkeys we may be, but monkeys with nerves of steel and hearts of samurai!

Kondo

The Justaways are not at fault! The one at fault is the boss, the Justaways haven't done anything wrong!

Kondo

Oh, so this is the blueprint.

Kondo Isao. He’s the terrifying captain of the Shinsengumi.

Kondo

By the way, Hijikata, I don’t understand a bit of it.

Hijikata

I’ve been talking for ten minutes about how it’s a blueprint for an Amanto machine, Kondo-san.

Kondo

Oh yes, that’s right. Some kind of machine, is it?

Hijikata

So there’s someone here in Edo who wants to use that device to power some evil machination.

Kondo

[gasps] But wait…[dramatic pause] What’s an evil machination?

Hijikata

Territorial law, huh?

Kondo

Dammit! [looks at Hijikata] But…what’s territorial law?

If you really want to get into the house, then come back with the proper paperwork.

Wahahaha!

Kondo

[to Okita] Hey, what are you doing?

Okita

[aiming for the house with his bazooka] Well, if this house no longer exists, we can go inside, right?

Hijikata

Who are you? Ikkyuu-san?

Kondo

Hey, if you take a step over that line, your territorial law won’t mean shit!

Katsura

[comes running up, panting] Well done, Gintoki.

Buy a freakin’ car.

Hijikata

Right about now, he's probably either talking to some government bigwigs, or practicing his swordsmanship alone...

Kondo

[talking to Otae] I'm such a pitiful wreck. There's no way any woman would go for me. I'm just no good.

Kondo

If your boyfriend...what if he were impotent?

Otae

Then I'd love him, impotence and all!

Kondo

[thinking] She's so calm. She just accepts it, like the Buddha! [out loud, to Otae] Let's do it at the altar!

Otae

He was so insistent, I got a little carried away, and gave it to him straight in the face, and he ran off.

Shinpachi

Is that so? I wanted to see what kind of a guy he was...

Kondo

[up a telephone pole] Otae-san! Otae-saaaaaaaaan! Marry Meeeeee! I won't give up after being turned down once or twice! Woman want to be loved more than they want to love!! My mom told me so!

Hey! What are you doing so early in the morning? You're bothering the neighborhood! Get down here, you bastard!

Kondo

Please officer, calm down. I'm...I'm a thief, yes, but a thief...of love!

Kondo

I'm very athletic. I like tennis and scuba diving, you see...

Otae

Decide on one, you damned degenerate!

Gintoki

You're a half-wit, coming out when called a stalker! Does that mean you admit you're a stalker?

Kondo

That's right, I'm a stalker of justice, and love is my quarry!

Otae

We've already done this and that together, so give up on me.

Kondo

This, that, and the other thing??

Shinpachi

Well, they haven't done that other thing...

Gintoki

Idiot. I'm not going to run for small fry like you.

Kondo

Finally. You're late! Were you getting your hair dyed or something?

Gintoki

A hero never dyes his hair! I needed sugar!

Kondo

I never heard of a hero who needs a sugar rush to fight.