Police quotes from Gin Tama

Shinpachi

She’s going to launch soon. Can’t this thing go any faster?

Gintoki

Well you see, safety first. And it would hurt to fall.

Shinpachi

Is this the time for that?? My sister’s going to be in high-leg shabu-shabu hell!

[in patrol car behind them] Hey you with no helmet: stop right there!

Gintoki

What are you talking about? Do I really need a helmet in this day and age?

[coming up beside Gintoki] Ok, but it’ll really hurt if you fall, you see. I’m worried about you.

Gintoki

It’s all right. I’ve got a hard head.

What’s that? That kind of attitude when I’m tryin’ to help you?! I’ll really hurt! A lot!

Gintoki

Shut up, I’m telling you, I have a hard head! [rams into the police car and head buts the policeman]

Ah, I’ve got a nosebleed!

Gintoki

What? I helped arrest the villains who threatened to violate the purity of our fair city! That should cancel out something like borrowing a police car!

What the hell do you mean? The car was smashed to pieces!

Gintoki

It was already a piece of trash when I took it.

Was not!

Gintoki

Try looking at it! You actually look better now!

Really what part?

Did you think you’d get off if you just kept denying it? There’s no way.

Shinpachi

Shut up, you useless piece of crap! We explained it all to you idiot, so just shut the hell up and let us outta here! We’ve gotta go somewhere!!

Kagura

Violent four-eyes.

Gintoki

Come on, quit acting like that.

Did you think you could get away with a hostage?

Kagura

[without much emotion] Ooooh no! He’s got me! I’m so scared!

Gintoki

Outta the way! Outta the way!

Stop dumbass! Do you really think you can get away?!

Gintoki

Are you saying that I can’t get away? That just makes me want to get away even more!

The suspect is headed towards the terminal. They’ve just passed the moe-moe intersection.

Otae

He was so insistent, I got a little carried away, and gave it to him straight in the face, and he ran off.

Shinpachi

Is that so? I wanted to see what kind of a guy he was...

Kondo

[up a telephone pole] Otae-san! Otae-saaaaaaaaan! Marry Meeeeee! I won't give up after being turned down once or twice! Woman want to be loved more than they want to love!! My mom told me so!

Hey! What are you doing so early in the morning? You're bothering the neighborhood! Get down here, you bastard!

Kondo

Please officer, calm down. I'm...I'm a thief, yes, but a thief...of love!

Gintoki

I know who did it. This is the culprit! [points to Kagura, and Kagura breaks his finger] What the hell was that for?

Kagura

People who tell unfunny jokes get their fingers broken.

Gintoki

Wrong! And I was going to show you a way to get back home free too!

Well, deportation isn’t exactly free…