Gilmore Girls · Season 6
Ok see I'm sorry. They did not even come up with a villain. No Freddy? No Jason? The villain is death? How lame is that? Who is seeing this movie?
Apparently we are. Many many times.
But how can they make money like that? Where's the Halloween mask? Where's the costume? How come they keep making the same stupid movie over and over again?
Cesar, thank God. We need something to put in her mouth.
Two cheeseburgers and a copy of Ziegfield's book. We are missing the Boat.
Ok, weird dream.
Weirder than the one when you step into the boxing ring and your hands are creampuffs?
Oh they're fruit flies. I'm finishing an important paper on Population Genetics and I have to monitor how often Drosophila melanogaster do the nasty.
Gross!
Complain to God. Not me.
Do you happen to be in the market for a house? Cuz this baby's a honey.
Something in the corner just moved.
Just a rat. I'd have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation,a collapsed fireplace, ceiling damage, water damage, and it was the recent site of a Wicca convention, and a particularly grisly murder-suicide. Nothing we can't work with.
You don't have to read it again.
I know I don't.
There's so many things I would change in it.
Like what?!
I'd... keep the back cover, everything else goes!
You know why I love your book?
Why?
It doesn't remind me of anything! It's not a rip off, it's just you.
High praise, Miss Yale Editor!
You look happier than when I saw you last.
I am.
So... you fixed everything?
Yeah. Everything's fixed.
... I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, me too.
What?
I'm... sorry.
About what?
Ah... about coming here like this! I just got the flyer, and I don't know, I just wanted to see your place, but then... this... It's not fair to you, I'm such a jerk!
I - I don't know what you're talking about!
I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me!
Who? Who cheated on you - that guy?! Oh... you're still with him.
Yeah.
I thought everything was 'fixed'.
Everything but him.
I hate this.
You should, I'm sorry!
You came here alone, to Philadelphia!
He was out of town.
I don't deserve this, Rory.
No, you don't! You don't deserve it! I just... I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it, I'm in love with him.
[ironically] Love, huh?
Yeah...
I guess I'll call Matthew's poet, and have him explain love to me. Poets know all about it, right?
They're supposed to. I'm so sorry I came here.
I'm not. It's what it is, you, me. [as Rory walks away] Hey, uh... if it makes you feel better, you can always tell him that we did 'something'.
Thanks, Jess.
What do you mean, Luke's out of town?
Ah, well, I mean... Luke's left town. He's gone far away from town. Town's there and Luke's over here.
He's not coming to the wedding with you?
No.
You mean, you're coming alone? Unescorted?
Well, Rory will be there, so.
No, she won't like it.
Who won't?
You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear. People will think things, bad things.
Like what?
Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale.
Wow, suddenly Footloose is not seeming so silly.
What are we gonna do?
Well, I guess first of all, we should agree on of a price.
You'll have to find someone, who'll bring you. You have to find a man.
In one day? Are you kidding me? It took me this long to find Luke.
My daughter wants you at her wedding, fine. But if you're to come, then you need to come with a man. [goes back into her house] And Kirk does not count!
[to herself] Lorelai Gilmore. Disappointing mothers since 1968.
Lane, I have something very upsetting to talk to you about.
Oh, what?
It concerns the wedding night.
Oh, boy…
Yes, oh boy. Marriage is a job, Lane. There are rewards that come with this job but there are also sacrifices. There are things you’re gonna have to do.
Things?
Terrible things.
Momma, you don’t have to-
You need to hear this! You need to know what to expect. It will start early.
What will?
The man’s expectations. It starts early. At the wedding, actually. At the wedding you’re going to have to kiss him.
Momma…
You’ll then be expected to share a bed with tonight, and when you’re in that bed, you’re expected to-
Momma, please-
You’re gonna have to do it with this boy, Lane. You’re just gonna have to do it. Hopefully, if you’re lucky like me, you’ll only have to do it once.
Oh.
Eh, excuse me. Hi. Mrs. Kim? I'd like you to meet Christopher Hayden. He's Rory's father and a MAN!
Did that really need clarification?
[Lane's grandmother and mother run to a large statue of Buddha and begin bowing continuously]
What was that all about?
Three complaints, two insults, and a hefty dose of religious guilt.
What are they doing now?
Oh, it's called the ritual of 108 bows.
It should be called 108 ows. Heh. My mother woulda liked that.
Ok we gotta make sure we got everything on the list. Rory read out the list.
Beer.
Check.
More beer.
Check.
Pretzels and beer.
Check.
Various chocolately treats. Alternative alcohol for those who don't like beer, and beer.
Check.
I had to get outta house. Stinks of kimchee and incense you can't breathe. There are buddhas everywhere staring at you
When did you start double dressing. And Avril Lavigne?
Avril Lavigne rocks! You are such a snob. If it's not Joy Division, you don't like it. Well, you can't dance to Joy Division!
Um ok. :[typing on Rory's Sidekick to Christopher] Your daughter is about to see Richard Gere's penis. Enjoy your celery. That should shut him up for a while.
[Friend of Lane's throwing up by the gazebo]
That's gotta be some kind of record.
How is Gigi?
She is, well... Hold on a sec. [holds his phone in the air] You hear that?
No.
Exactly.
Oh, come on... It's naptime.
Not until four, my friend.
Ha... Then she's holding her breath until you buy her a Porsche.
She is in her room playing with her toys, shining her halo as we speak.
Well, well, well... Look who's cracking the whip.
I gotta tell you, that "No" word is pretty awesome. I can't wait to try out the "You're grounded".
[looking at her sidekick] Dad's feet are two different sizes.
Oh for the love of... Hey. [holds up two purses] Which one says "Hi, I'm not a whore, enjoy your day"?
The pink one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
