TV show quotes
I need an open mind. Are you giving me an open mind?
OK its open.
Wide open?
Yea yea. Blue skies. Green grass. Vistas as far as the eyes can see.
I want you to picture. On this wall. A waterfall. You know like one of those wall waterfalls. They're really soothing.
Slam.
What's that?
The sound of my mind closing.
[Pours Rory a glass of wine]
After trying 10 varietals, note the use of the word varietals.
Noted.
Believe me you tend to believe them.
We were drunk by the end of the tour. We bought a case.
Here. Try a snail.
No thanks see I had a lunch of bugs and lizards I think I'm good...Well how's it taste?
Sorta like a buttered gummy bear.
I look good in peach.
Exactly. Men who buy peach shirts buy them because they think they look good in peach which means they really thought about it which means they are obsessed with their looks!
I am not obsessed with my looks!
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a peach shirt!
Alright just leave my stuff alone!
Oh my God. You dirty thief.
Excuse me?
You stinking, lying, sneaking, ratty, dirty thief!
What?
This is my Police Synchronicity T-shirt! I have been missing this for 22 years! I asked you if you had it, I looked you right in the face and you denied it!
I lied.
Oh! You lied! You lied! You know how long I looked for this? days and days and I accused my mother of throwing it out and she said she didn't and OH my God I hated her and Oh my God I coulda had the best relationship with my mother if you had not stolen my shirt!
Yes Lorelai you may open your present. For heaven's sake you're like a dolphin at feeding time.
Lorelai': [on the answering machine] Hey! Just wanted to know that Christopher and I are back from Paris. Gigi's all set. And uh...we just...ended up uh...getting married...so anyway see you Friday, Bye!
Isn't that lovely? ...Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake, or a memento. Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?
Ah yes, and what was it exactly she said?
It was something like this: [pushes answering machine play button].
Look at you knitting away, just like a proper married lady: the picture of domesticity.
Ha ha ha.
So what's for breakfast, Martha Stewart? Poached eggs, blueberry muffins? Oh, is there going to be fresh squeezed orange juice? Cuz I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp.
Yeah, I got your strained pulp right here, buddy.
So what exactly are you knitting?
It doesn't matter what I'm knitting, I just am knitting to knit.
Someone's philosophical.
No, someone is in training for the knitathon, and we get pledged by the skein, so I'm just working on my speed.
Knitathon?
Yeah, you didn't hear about the knitathon?
No, I didn't hear about the knitathon. You want something?
Yeah. Poached eggs and some orange juice pulp.
He's going on a man-date with Jackson.
Cute, a mandated man-date?
Yes, it was suggested enthusiastically.
That upside twisted slammer was living up to its name, man. I don't know if I'm more twisted or slammed.
I'm both. I think I had three of them? Or was it four?
You know, the last time I saw you drunk, you were passed out naked outside of my dorm room.
What about instead of La Boheme we took our inspiration from Rent? East Village. 1985. Rickety tables. Chipped glassware. [phone rings] Excuse me. Hello?
How goes the party planning?
What? What happened?
That good huh?
Is he OK?
I am not participating in this
Oh my God. What can I do? What do you need?
You are not using this phone call to get out of party planning hell.
Oh...I'll be right there.
Mom.
I can hear Rory on the other end. You are not as clever as you think you are.
Drat.
...
OK so I'll call you later? Ok?
The stairs are rickety, and you think you might fall down them?
Mom.
The pool is empty and you think you might have hit your head??
Would you like the brown card with the cream colored detail with the parchment insert or would you like the cream colored card with the silk lining and the clear paper insert. How about I'd like some cyanide and a 30 story building to jump off of.
[picks up a box of Cap'n Crunch at Doosie's]
We said one sugary cereal.
You're going to deny me the Captain?
We've got a whole box of Froot Loops at home.
In my fragile state you're going to deny me Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?
It rips your gums.
In a delightful sugary way. Look it's got 5% real peanut butter flavored chemicals.
No. [picks up a jar of pasta sauce] Which one do we get??
Avoid the words "made with real vegetables".
[holding Dula, Luke's baby niece] Ooo look at her long fingers. What are you gonna be? A pianist when you grow up? Is that what you're gonna be pretty girl? Or a pickpocket. Oh yes you might. You might be a pickpocketing pianist.
Mars and Venus.
Yea see I don't think that's right. See Mars and Venus are both planets. So they have something in common. It's more like Mars and a bowl of soup.
Venus and a bowl of soup. Venus is the woman...Sorry boys suck.
Stupid bowls of soup.
I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai, for better or for worse. I like Christopher.
Okay.
I think he's good for you. But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. It's about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not about winning an argument, which may make you sad, because that's what you love. But I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this seriously, it could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee.
The redcoat is here!
Cuz I was thinking all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.
Hey, don't steal my material.
What do you mean, "your material?" You ripped me off.
I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top or Woody Allen gets his material from the "whats-his-name" the guy with the watermelons.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
