This is a misogynistic truck.
What?
It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."
S4The Lorelais' First Day At Yale
Well, I can't take it back to Yale.
I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
Well, then I'm stuck here.
Fine, because I need my truck back.
Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
I'm not taking the mattress.
Then let me take the truck.
But that means you take the mattress.
I can't take the mattress.
Then you can't have the truck.
But that sticks you with the mattress.
If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
I can't take the mattress.
Then you can't have the truck.
And that sticks you with the mattress.
We've been here before.
I recognize that tree.
You never socialized me properly, I should hate you right now. Do something to make me hate you.
Um...go Hitler!
RRussell
I'm Russell Bynes. I'm with Blodgett, Sage, Albet, Pettruccio, Stein, Lemming, and Stein, attorneys for Nicole Diana Leahy.
And the sun just went down, thanks for coming.
RRussell
Pardon me?
You're wasting your time. I had a simple question, where do I sign? It didn't require a personal visit.
RRussell
Whoa, whoa, there's no place to sign because this is just a document informing the defendant of the type of action being filed.
What are you talking about? Who's the defendant?
RRussell
You are.
Oh my God.
RRussell
Didn't you read the papers?
Yeah, the Red Sox lost by three, Bush is at the ranch chatting up a Swiss dude.
RRussell
The divorce papers.
I know what you meant. Look, I didn't kill anyone. Nicole and I just kind of accidentally got married and now we want out. We both want the same thing.
RRussell
Don't try to play me, Mr. Danes.
I'm too busy for this.
RRussell
Fine, because I should just be dealing with your legal representation.
I don't believe this.
RRussell
Not giving us your lawyer's information is only going to prolong the process.
Okay, if I give you my lawyer's name, will you leave?
RRussell
I will leave.
Okay, you ready?
RRussell
Yes.
His name is Don Dewey. He works at the firm of Dewey. . .
RRussell
Dewey.
Cheatham...
RRussell
Cheatham.
And Howe.
RRussell
Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe. That was very immature.
Yeah, well, tickled me.
RRussell
My bosses are gonna wanna hear this.
Oh, come on, they've heard that one before. Oh, hey, if you want Don's number, it's 555-5555.
S1Mr. Stein 1
Mr. Danes, a marriage contract is a contract just like any other.
S2Mr. Stein 2
As the higher wage earner, Nicole wants a fair settlement.
But I want nothing from her, so there's nothing to settle, Mr. . . what's your name again?
S1Mr. Stein 1
My name is Stein.
I thought you were Stein.
Well, then I'm confused.
BMr. Blodgett
Mr. Danes, I'm an impatient man, I'm a busy man, I'm a sensible man, I'm a skeptical man.
Oh, you're four different men, huh? Well, are they all named Stein, too?
BMr. Blodgett
If there's one thing I've learned in this business, it's that no one wants nothing.
S2Mr. Stein 2
Why won't you hire a lawyer?
Why? Because lawyers waste time and money. They're needless middlemen who slither into people's lives when they're at their most vulnerable so they can clamp on and suck like leeches until everyone but them is distraught and penniless.
S1Mr. Stein 1
Well, I can see why the marriage went bad.
BMr. Blodgett
Here's fair warning, Mr. Danes - if you don't hire a lawyer, you could wind up getting absolutely nothing.
That's what I want!
S4The Hobbit, The Sofa and Digger Stiles
My mother — she was here. I can feel it. Smell that? The room smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5.
It's shopping week.
Isn't it always?
The first week of school is called shopping week. You get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the semester. I picked over fifty classes I'm gonna try out, plus another ten I'm gonna squeeze in if I have the time. They all sound completely amazing. I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions over and over.
You do know that if you weren't so pretty, you would've gotten the crap kicked out of you every day of your life.
They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.
Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment.
You win.
Well, you could come out and say, "Grandma, this furniture is very nice. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a dorm room, and I cannot guarantee that the other people will love it as much as I do, and I worry about expensive equipment getting stolen, and it's just maybe too much right now."
That sounds good.
Okay. And then my mother will say, "Rory, your grandfather and I are paying for you to go to Yale. We are enabling you to have this rarefied education, and you're being ungrateful and small-minded, and I resent it. I am hurt on a level you will not be able to understand until you yourself have a daughter or a granddaughter who will cut your heart out the way you've just cut mine out, and I hope that small veneer of independence that you've extracted from this incident is worth the complete and total alienation of the grandparents who have done nothing but love you and thought of you only."
Or I could keep the furniture.
And take heart in knowing that when it comes to controlling a person, my mother targeted my soul, my independence, and my entire future, and at least with you, she threw in an ottoman.
A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.
Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.
You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.
Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.
S4Chicken or Beef
And apparently, now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone, he's concerned for my safety.
Did he tell you all this?
Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster?
Remember in The Godfather, Michael telling Sonny how he was gonna kill Tattaglia and Captain McCluskey in that Italian restaurant? He lays out the whole thing very calmly, very unemotionally, 'cause that's what you do in business.
Yeah, but then he went and shot two guys in the head.
It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth!
My family tree dates back to a 12th-century knight.
Wow.
As a kid, I thought that meant we were related to Ted Knight. I wrote him a lot of letters. He never responded.
Oh my god! This is incredible. I mean its called Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate, but it is seriously Chocolate Chocolate Chocolaty. [Lorelai points to Taylor] Sorry.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.