Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

So, nothing for you. Are you driving tonight?

Lorelai, I'm only ten.

Rory

Are you enjoying your breakfast?

Lorelai

I don't know if I like pop-tarts.

Rory

Did you fall on your head while you were sleeping?

Lorelai

I don't know. Do I like this? Is this something that I like?

Rory

So you fell on your head and now you have some kind of very specific amnesia is that it?

Lorelai

What if I don't wanna do what I wanna do because I wanna do it, but because they don't want me to?

Rory

Huh?

Lorelai

I mean what if I don't like what I like because I like it but because my mother doesn't like it. And doesn't want me to like it.

Lorelai

Did he talk about my sparkling eyes and my glossy raven hair?

Rory

Look I'm not going to pass notes between you guys.

Lorelai

What if Emily Post says that's part of the appropriate protocol?

Rory

If you can get it in writing from the ghost of Emily Post, then I will pass as many notes as you want....I just want you to be careful.

Lorelai

Is this the sex talk? Because even if the ghost of Emily Post says it's OK. It is just plain weird.

Sookie

It's OK you know, after breaking up out of a big relationship it's normal to have a rebound thing. A big bouncy rubber ball of a rebound thing. It's good...

Lorelai

But?

Sookie

But. A rubber ball is a 28 yr old surfer, or a jazz saxophonist who drives a VW bus, or a really cute guy that can't even spell his last name. It's not the father of your only child. Christopher is not your rubber ball. He's a big heavy bowling ball!

Lorelai

[in disbelief] We have to go. We have to pick up my mother. From jail.

Christopher

[laughs] Your mother's in jail?

Lorelai

Ohhhh, this night keeps getting better and better.

Lorelai

Am I smiling too much?

You're smiling a lot

Lorelai

Alright I'll try to bring it down a notch.

Lorelai

Not killing it. I'm composing on it. I'm composing a symphony. Finally an instrument I can play!

Christopher

Gimme that.

Lorelai

No. Not until you explain your choices. The View? Girlfriends? Sabado Gigante? Who controlls this thing, You? or Pedro Almodóvar?

Lorelai

Wow how Dangerous Liaisons of her. She doesn't call, or e-mail and then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse?...Gosh that's a lot of "sorry."

Christopher

I don't know if its the yoga...or the yoga instructor...she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean Claude or Jean Pierre...I dunno one of those names that always sounds fake.

Lorelai

[on the phone] Hello.

Rory

Hey, What’s going on?

Lorelai

Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles.

Rory

Pickles?

Lorelai

Pickles.

Rory

Pickles pickles?

Lorelai

Pickles.

Rory

Why?

Lorelai

Because a pickle train crashed.

Rory

Is this a joke? A long boring joke that I’m not going to get?

Lorelai

No it's no joke, the town smells like pickles because the pickle train was derailed.

Rory

A train full of pickles, who knew there was such a thing?

Rory

Pickle train conductors, for one. Sounds so fun. I would have been the greatest pickle train conductor. Can you see me, “All aboard you pickles.”

Rory

Clearly you missed your calling.

Lorelai

Well luckily there’s you. You're young, you’re clever, you’re our great pickle train conducting hope.

Rory

I can’t believe I’m missing this.

Lorelai

Well you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what’s going on with you?

Rory

Well, I can’t make it to Friday night dinner tonight, but I have a very good excuse.

Lorelai

Pickle Train Conducting Seminar?

Rory

Logan’s in town.

Lorelai

No way!

Rory

Yeah he showed up last night. It was a total surprise.

Lorelai

I can’t believe you let me go on and on about pickle train conducting when you had actual news.

Rory

You had news, Stars Hollow smells like pickles. I can completely see that scrolling along the CNN crawl.

Lorelai

Logan in town is totally pre-pickle news. How long is he here for?

Rory

6 and ½ more hours. He flew in yesterday, bought a company, and he’s flying back out tonight.

Lorelai

Oh my God, what are you guys going to do with your precious remaining hours? Or don’t I want to know.

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

Well, you might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn’t want to know because...boring.

Rory

Well, tonight I’m meeting him in Manhattan to celebrate.

Lorelai

Fancy restaurant?

Rory

Rutabaga farm, actually. Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner. I didn’t mean to abandon you in your time of need.

Lorelai

No worries. I’m not going to be totally defenseless; I’m bringing your dad.

Rory

Really? Wow!

Lorelai

Yeah! I thought it was time he meet the parents.

Rory

OK, that is pre-pickle news, my friend.

Lorelai

Aww, this conversation has been a disaster hasn’t it?

Rory

Yes it has.

Lorelai

Alright. Brring Brring. Hi Rory, how are you?

Rory

Hi, Mom. Logan’s in town.

Lorelai

Oh my goodness, that's wonderful.

Rory

We're farming rutabagas.

Lorelai

Oh! You're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, smell, pickle train conducting.

Rory

Alas, alack.

Lorelai

Good talk.

Rory

The best.

Lorelai

Bye.

Lorelai

It's just no saying killer, no saying whack, no saying rockin' or pimpin' or slamming, capisce?

Christopher

Fo' shizzle.

Lorelai

There's gotta be an eject button here somehwere...

Lorelai

Parents weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them so they need a school sanctioned event so they all spend some time together.

Christopher

A professor of geology is giving a tour of the Peabody Museum.

Lorelai

My kid likes me. I can go to Yale anytime I want. 51 weekends of the year is my parent's weekend.

Lorelai

The grass is just not this green. Not outside of Pleasantville it isn't.

Lorelai

Maybe they spray painted the grass when they spray painted the trees because there's autumnal foilage and then there's autumnal foilage. It's over the top people!

Christopher

Do you think they piped in this crisp fall smell?

Lorelai

Hey let's be Laverne & Shirley!

Christopher

What? No.

Lorelai

Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf and del?

Christopher

I think I'll stick to my own name.

Lorelai

Señor Boring-Pants. Mr. Stick in the Mud? A-capella. A-capella. There's a terrifying number of a-capella jams this weekend.

Lorelai

Hey we're here. With bells on. And nothing else. Except leg warmers, rollerskates, and Groucho Marx's glasses...We are near a big brick building and near an old tree.

Christopher

Tell her we're by the L-shaped building that from the top looks like a Polaroid camera.

Rory

Believe it or not, I don't know what all of Yale's buildings look like from the sky.

Lorelai

Well how ignorant of you honey. -[to Christopher] Rory says that she doesn't give two figs about Yale's architecture.

Christopher

Not two figs?

Rory

No just one and a half.